Det. Kastell: She gave me such a woody... (Coyote Peter)
Det. Kastell: Honey, don't make me mess up your makeup... (Coyote Peter)
Det. Cruz: Looks like the fishes have been at him.
Det. Kastell: Yeah, he was in the water a while. (Coyote Peter)
Angel: My dogs like their meat medium rare. (Coyote Peter)
Carlita: Oh, please gentlemen, I'm begging you, go for your guns! (Coyote Peter)
Jack Norkem: Why'd the old timer have to eat so much?
Colleen Norkem: Sheez, he's a big man!
Eric Norkem: Maybe that's the way they make them in Holland. (Coyote Peter)
Milton: I'm gonna...burn the building down. (Coyote Peter)
Bill: Milton, can you just spray this can of pesticide in here? There's a bit of a cockroach problem. (Coyote Peter)
Peter Gibbons: [discussing the possibility of going to prison] The most they would do is put us for a few months into a white-collar, minimum-security resort! You know, they have conjugal visits there?
Samir: They do?
Michael Bolton: Shit. I'm a free man and I haven't had a conjugal visit in six months. (Coyote Peter)
Peter Gibbons: Hey, guys.
Michael Bolton: What's up, G?
Peter Gibbons: Want to go to Chotchkie's? Get some coffee?
Samir: Oh, it's a little early.
Peter Gibbons: I gotta get outta here. I think I'm gonna lose it.
Peggy, Lumbergh's Secretary: Uh oh. Sounds like somebody's got a case of the mondays. (Coyote Peter)
Peter Gibbons: You know, corporate accounts is sure as hell gonna notice $305,326.13 Michael! (Coyote Peter)
Samir: Is there some way to just give the money back?
Peter Gibbons: What? You mean just hand them a check for the exact amount they're missing? I think they'd figure that out. (Coyote Peter)
Peter Gibbons: Human beings were not meant to sit in little cubicles staring at computer screens all day, filling out useless forms and listening to eight different bosses drone on about about mission statements. (Coyote Peter)
Joanna: You know what, Stan, if you want me to wear 37 pieces of flair, like your pretty boy over there Bryan, why don't you make the minimum 37 pieces of flair?
Stan, Chotchkie's Manager: Well, I thought I remembered you saying that you wanted to express yourself.
Joanna: You know what, I do want to express myself, okay. And I don't need 37 pieces of flair to do it.
[flips off Stan] (Coyote Peter)
Nina: Corporate accounts payable, Nina speaking. Just a moment. (Coyote Peter)
[Peter is wearing shorts, sandals and a paisley shirt, with his feet up on his desk, munching chips and playing tetris on his computer]
Bill Lumbergh: Hello Peter, what's happening? Listen, are you gonna have those TPS reports for us this afternoon?
Peter Gibbons: No.
Bill Lumbergh: Ah. Well then I suppose we should go ahead and have a little talk.
Peter Gibbons: Not right now Lumbergh, I'm kinda busy. You know what, in fact I'm gonna have to ask you to just go ahead and come back later, I've got a meeting with the Bobs in a couple minutes.
Bill Lumbergh: I wasn't aware of a meeting with them.
Peter Gibbons: Yeah, they called me at home. (Coyote Peter)
Samir: [trying to decide if he should go along with the virus plot] I have a question.
Peter Gibbons: Yes?
Samir: In... in these conjugal visits, you can have sex with women?
Peter Gibbons: Yep, you sure can.
Samir: OK, I'll do it. (Coyote Peter)
Joanna: Why don't you call me when you grow up! Wait a minute, that will never happen, so why don't you just not call me, yeah...
[Joanna starts to close car door]
Peter Gibbons: Say hello to Lumbergh for me! (Coyote Peter)
Peter Gibbons: Boy, I'll tell ya, some days... One of these days it's gonna be just like
[He mimics the sound of a machine gun. Brian, a waiter, walks up and does the same and laughs]
Brian, Chotchkie's Waiter: So can I get you gentlemen something more to drink? Or maybe something to nibble on? Some Pizza Shooters, Shrimp Poppers, or Extreme Fajitas?
Peter Gibbons: Just coffee.
Brian, Chotchkie's Waiter: Okay. Sounds like a case of the Mondays. (Coyote Peter)
Peter Gibbons: So you guys are gonna fire Mike and Samir, and you're gonna give *me* more money?
Bob Porter: [nods] Uh-huh.
Peter Gibbons: Wow. (Coyote Peter)
Tom Smykowski: Just remember, if you hang in there long enough, good things can happen in this world. I mean, look at me. (Coyote Peter)
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