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  • Matthew: When you see something from afar, you develop a fantasy. But when you see it up close, 9 times out of 10, you wish you hadn't. (Ace Goodman)
  • Thomas: I'm nothing but a no good, dirty, lyin', two-bit son-of-a-bitch. and I admit it. (Ace Goodman)
  • Mary: Well, if you want him, you're going to have to fight for him. I challenge you to a duel. (Ace Goodman)
  • Wilbur: You licked my ear. I'd have bought a dog if I wanted my ear licked. (Ace Goodman)
  • Wilbur: Horst. Is that German for "sausage"?
    Horst: No. But it's close. (Ace Goodman)
  • Harbour: What's it like, being dead?
    Wilbur: It's dull as dishwater. It's silent and completely dark... it's like being in Wales. (Ace Goodman)
  • Harbour: She'll have hers to go. (Ace Goodman)
  • Prince: You know what you are? You're the prunes.
    Buzz Cameo: Prunes? You're the dunes.
    Prince: Yeah, you're the real prunes. (Ace Goodman)
  • Marty Stouffer: No, Mom, he's fine, he just fell down a mountain. (Ace Goodman)
  • Leon: [fantisizing with the clouds] I'm thinking dinosaur.
    Marshall Stouffer: Rabbit lying down.
    Leon: Could be a hog head. Big old skunk. Or a turtle. Chevy bumper.
    Marshall Stouffer: [narrating] Leon had been in the Air Force with my dad. They used to patch up fighter planes, then dad would take them up and test them. After the war, he followed my dad home, and lived with us ever since.
    Leon: [still trying to make out what a cloud looks like] Bushel Basket. Gold spud. Nope, definitely a rabbit lying down. (Ace Goodman)
  • Marty Stouffer, Sr.: Are you telling me what to do, son?
    Marshall Stouffer: No, dad. I'm asking you. (Ace Goodman)
  • Sarah, a British Hippy Girl: [gesturing her body in a sexy behavior] Devonshire cream: The creamiest cream.
    Mark Stouffer: They paid you for that.
    Sarah, a British Hippy Girl: It's not so easy. You try it with a camera in your face, and a cow sniffing around your bum. (Ace Goodman)
  • Marty Stouffer: [standing up to Mark] What's this? You're Marshall's protector? From asshole to angel? I must have missed the great transformation! (Ace Goodman)
  • Donna Jo: You guys are great. There's no way we'd see guys doing stuff like this at the University. Damn, all the boys do there is study or throw footballs. It takes an imaginative guys to think of something like this. The kind of guy who'd consider shooting out streetlights, quality entertainment. The kind of guy who'd risk his little brother's life for some stupid race. Don't be an asshole, Marty.
    Marty Stouffer: You're right, Donna Jo. It was stupid. It's a dumb idea all the way around.
    Donna Jo: Grow up! And when you do, give us a call. (Ace Goodman)
  • D.C.: [he and Marty both challenge each other to a very life-risking car race two times, and he loses both times; and college girls such as Donna Jo and Tanna are watching them] Let's go again!
    Donna Jo: Like hell you'll go again! (Ace Goodman)
  • Agnes Stouffer: If you boys have been throwing any more fire crackers in my pool again, I'm gonna beat your butts until your nose bleeds! (Ace Goodman)
  • Leon: What are you doin' Marshall?
    Marshall Stouffer: Flying, Leon!
    Leon: Well fly higher!
    [plane rises]
    Leon: Not this high!
    [plane rises again]
    Leon: Not this high!
    [plane rises again]
    Leon: NOT THIS HIGH! (Ace Goodman)
  • Joe: Hello, Slim. Nice to see you.
    Wolf: Hello, Joe. Nice to see you too. (Ace Goodman)
  • Wolf: Now see here, shorty. You've been dogging me all through this picture. Just who the heck are you, anyway?
    Droopy: Haven't you heard? I'm the hero. (Ace Goodman)
  • Lula: Cheez Louise! Sailor, baby, you're really somethin'! (Ace Goodman)
  • Bobby Peru: Say cheese!
    [Shoots bank employee]
    Sailor: Cool it man!
    Bobby Peru: You're next... fucker!
    [Sailor's gun doesn't fire]
    Bobby Peru: Those are... dummies... dummy! (Ace Goodman)
  • Lula: When d'you start smoking, Sail?
    Sailor: I guess I started smoking when I was about... four. My momma was already dead then from lung cancer. (Ace Goodman)
  • Sailor: Those toenails dry yet, sweetheart? We got some dancin' to do. (Ace Goodman)
  • Bobby Peru: I gotta take a piss bad, can I use your head?
    Lula: Uh... yeah, I guess.
    Bobby Peru: I don't mean your head-head. I'm not gonna piss on your head, your hair and all, I'm just gonna piss in the toilet. Ya'll take a listen, you'll hear the deep sound comin' down from Bobby Peru. (Ace Goodman)
  • Sailor: [to Lula] The way your head works is God's own private mystery. (Ace Goodman)
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  • Music is a very personal and emotional form of communication. (Trevor Dunn)