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Barney: Hey, mind if we call you Roy Raja? Haha! Roy Raja: You may call me "Lion of Kashmir". Barney: And you may call me "The Boner of East L.A." (Ace Goodman) Barney: Oh, yeah? So who's fucking the maid? (Ace Goodman) Henry Williams: Twenty ye - ha ha ha ha ha ha... Sally Morgan: What are you laughing at? Henry Williams: Why, the joke's on them. Sally Morgan: Why? Henry Williams: I can't live but six months. (Ace Goodman) | |
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Henry Williams: It's not heavy. I can manage. Hold your own hand. (Ace Goodman) Sir Mortimer Chris: It shut Japan up, didn't it? (Ace Goodman) [Chris enters] Sir Mortimer Chris: Morning. Nigel Lipman: Morning, Prime Minister. Sir Mortimer Chris: Sorry I'm late, there was a nest of leprechauns in the bread bin. (Ace Goodman) Sir Mortimer Chris: To be quite honest Nigel; the pieces only started to fit together last week. I was visiting a factory in Stockport. Literally hundreds had lost their jobs, and no wonder, the place was crawling with them. Nigel Lipman: With pixies? Sir Mortimer Chris: Yes; sprouts, eleven folk. Which is why I am beginning this campaign. Nigel Lipman: I see. [pause] Nigel Lipman: What campaign? Sir Mortimer Chris: The stamp out evil pixies campaign! The public have to be educated on this one Nigel. [cut to him being interviewed] Sir Mortimer Chris: They're about two foot tall, and the worst ones [he holds up an empty jar] Sir Mortimer Chris: are the invisible ones! (Ace Goodman) Lacrobat: Nebucanezzar. Harrison Hindenburg Nebuxanezzar. Personal management of the world's leading international terrorists. (Ace Goodman) Lacrobat: Naw man. Nitz. Conway Nitz the third. (Ace Goodman) Maxton S. Pluck: Blow up what? Lacrobat: It's one of our line of blow ups. Designed especially for the farming community. And if you want to hear it climax... [he pulls a string] Maxton S. Pluck: Dear God! Who the hell are you? Lacrobat: February, sir. Roderick Jesus February. (Ace Goodman) Cabinet Minister: But surely... it's just an umbrella? (Ace Goodman) White House reporter: How then do you explain the establishment of the anti-goblin program with plans to lure them out with ginger bread traps? [pause] President Barbara Adams: No more questions, gentlemen. (Ace Goodman) President Barbara Adams: He just held a public crucifixion in Wembley Stadium! Secret Service agent: Well, he's certainly moved to the right politically. (Ace Goodman) | |
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