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  • So to me, Texas Hold 'em puts me to sleep. At least when you play stud, you can be funny as you deal. Somebody some day is going to come up with a Stud show that's going to work. (Ace Goodman)
  • When I was a kid, there was no distinction between a movie about old people or young people. It was either funny or not. It was either entertaining or not. It was either exciting or not. It was either thrilling or not. (Ace Goodman)
  • Why can't she move in with you? Is she against that? She's not a Mormon or anything, is she? (Ace Goodman)
  • You know, people come up with formulas who are uncreative. They can't picture something different so they can only go by something that's laid out for them. (Ace Goodman)
  • As it has been told to me, my Dad had some kind of deal with Dick Clark. But when we got here, that fell through. So we were out here with no job, no furniture, no food. (Ace Goodman)
  • I am a proud participant of the Spencer Tracy School of Acting: Know your lines, don't bump into the furniture. (Ace Goodman)
  • It's weird because horses kind of come and go in my life. (Ace Goodman)
  • There is a weirdness about having a famous pre-pubescent in the house when you are going through the trials and tribulations of adolescence. (Ace Goodman)
  • Phil Weston: I was born a baby, a blank slate. I thought I was in control of my own destiny, and then I met my dad. (Ace Goodman)
  • Phil Weston: You're my assistant. You're supposed to back me up and go get me juiceboxes whenever I want. Now go get me a juicebox!
    Mike Ditka: DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU'RE TALKING TO?
    Phil Weston: I'm talkin' to the juicebox guy!
    Mike Ditka: You're crazy!
    Phil Weston: I'm not crazy, I'm just thirsty!
    Mike Ditka: OH, YOU GO TO HELL!
    Phil Weston: No, you go to hell, and while you're there, why don't you grab me a juicebox! (Ace Goodman)
  • Phil Weston: What is that haunting aroma? (Ace Goodman)
  • Mike Ditka: Way to go, Bing Bong! (Ace Goodman)
  • Ann Hogan: Hi, Mr.Ditka. I was wondering - my son byong-sun is a little shy, so could I get an autograph?
    Mike Ditka: Yeah, sure, how do you spell it?
    Ann Hogan: B-Y-...
    Mike Ditka: I think I got it.
    [gives paper]
    Donna Jones: [walking away looking at autograph] Bing-bong? (Ace Goodman)
  • Mike Ditka: [team is doing push-ups] If you guys were the Bears, I'd fine you $10,000 apiece. (Ace Goodman)
  • Phil Weston: I am angry. I'm like a large tornado of anger, swirling about. (Ace Goodman)
  • Buck Weston: I take a vitamin everyday. It's called a steak. (Ace Goodman)
  • Phil Weston: Hey, I almost had you!
    Buck Weston: What do you call that again, when you almost win? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah... Losing! (Ace Goodman)
  • Phil Weston: Ambrose
    Ambrose: Yeah?
    Phil Weston: I saw a bunch of nonsense out there. What was going through your head out there last week?
    Ambrose: I was breaking my back for you coach because of my love for the game.
    Phil Weston: LIAR! (Ace Goodman)
  • Phil Weston: [Phil to Mark] How many sarcastic pills did you take this morning? (Ace Goodman)
  • Phil Weston: Well, if it isn't Porkface Jones. I can eat a box of cookies tonight. Can you do that? No. Because you're nothin' but a fart-faced kid.
    [kid starts attacking him]
    Phil Weston: [shouts] Get him off me!
    [someone pulls kid off]
    Phil Weston: That's like the little jackal from hell! (Ace Goodman)
  • Buck Weston: We've got balls!
    Phil Weston: And vitamins!
    Buck Weston: But mostly balls!
    Phil Weston: [with all the kids from the Tigers and Gladiators teams]
    [shout]
    Phil Weston: And vitamins! (Ace Goodman)
  • Phil Weston: They're like 4-foot whirling dervishes. I don't even know what a whirling dervish is but that's what they're like. (Ace Goodman)
  • Ann Hogan: You ease up on him.
    Phil Weston: You just ease up there on your corduroy jacket. (Ace Goodman)
  • Byong Sun: Whoo! Electric in the air! (Ace Goodman)
  • Jim Davidson 'The Captain': [after the Tigers have arrived to the soccer field from the butcher shop and are covered in blood] You know, actually one of my kids forgot his socks so we forfeit; yeah, we forfeit!
    Jim Davidson 'The Captain': [turns and starts sprinting to their cars] Run to the car kids! don't look back! Run! (Ace Goodman)
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