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Vincenzo: Yeah. And it's weird, too. Now, I understand that through some, uh, some simple mix-up, that Alyssa is in a care of child's services. Now, I've been authorized to tell you, that if I get her back right away, there'll be no legal entanglements. Diane Barrows: Um, you see, she's not exactly with me, here. Vincenzo: What? Diane Barrows: She's been... Well, she was adopted. Vincenzo: Well, then you'd better unadopt her quick. Mr. Callaway's gettin' married in 90 minutes at St. Bartholomews! He's expecting his daughter to be there! His REAL daughter. Diane Barrows: 90 minutes?'! Vincenzo: Yeah. Diane Barrows: Well, I can't even get to Staten Island and back in 90 minutes! Vincenzo: Well, can I suggest that you go really, really fast? [he writes down a number] Vincenzo: Here. If you get into any trouble, call this number. [he hands it to Diane] Vincenzo: Ask for Lou! [he leaves, and Diane looks at the number] Diane Barrows: Lou. Lou Who?'! (Ace Goodman) Diane Barrows: Oh, no. NOT another horse! Alyssa Calloway: Diane, come on! Diane Barrows: All right. [she gets into the carriage] Diane Barrows: Where is the driver? [she notices that the driver is at the hot dog stand, eating hot dogs] Diane Barrows: Oh! Hey, Buddy! Listen, you gotta take us to St. Bart's right away! It's an emergency! Horse Driver: [mouthful] We're closed, Miss. I'm on my break! [Diane turns to Alyssa, and makes a gesture telling her to get in the driver's seat and take the reins, both of which Alyssa does, and Diane gets in the passenger seat and turns angrily to the driver] Diane Barrows: I wanna thank you for all your help, Bud! Alyssa Calloway: [whips the reins] HYAH! [the horse runs on, pulling the carriage, but Diane falls backwards into the seat] Horse Driver: [notices and runs after his horse] Horse Driver: [still mouthful] Hey. Hey, lady! Hey, that's... [he spits] Horse Driver: [screaming clearly] THAT'S MY HORSE!'!'!'!'! (Ace Goodman) | |
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Mrs. Marcus: I'm with this truck driver in Peterson's garage in a place called "Plaster City". And will you just *shut up* a minute so I can tell you what happened? Sylvester Marcus: Now listen to me, Mommy, listen to me close. You stay right there, because I'm coming, Mom. I'm coming to get you. Mrs. Marcus: Will you SHUT UP AND LISTEN? Sylvester Marcus: Mama, it's alright. Everything's gonna be alright. Your baby's coming to get ya. I'm coming to get you, Mom. Just sit there. Sit there, relax, take it easy. I'm coming to get you, Mama. Everything is gonna be alright. [Hangs up] Lennie Pike: *Well*? Mrs. Marcus: So he's coming here. And I'm not to worry about a thing, because "everything is going to be alright!" Mrs. Marcus: [to Emmeline] Mrs. Marcus: Exactly like your father: a big, stupid, *muscle-headed moron*! (Ace Goodman) Ding Bell: So good luck, and may the best man *win*! Benjy Benjamin: Except you lady: may *you* just *drop dead*! Lennie Pike: All right, we all agree on that. Now look, let's be sensible about this. There's money in this for all of us. Right? There's enough for you, and there's enough for you, and for you, and there's enough for... [they all race to their cars] (Ace Goodman) J. Russell Finch: Now take it easy honey, these things happen ya know. Mrs. Marcus: Now what kind of an attitude is that, these things happen? They only happen because this whole country is just full of people, who when these things happen, they just say these things happen, and that's why they happen! We gotta have control of what happens to us. (Ace Goodman) [Looks back at Melville] Melville Crump: Will you take us to Santa Rosita state park? Third Cab Driver: What's the matter, what happened to you? What was ya, in some kind of initiation? Melville Crump: We had an accident. We fell into yellow, alright? Hurry up! (Ace Goodman) [pulls a blue bicycle from the mess of furniture that fell out of Pike's van] J. Russell Finch: take this and go hire us the best car you can find. Lennie Pike: But... this is a little girl's bike. This is for a little girl. Oh listen, I got to get this stuff back in so I can lock up the van. J. Russell Finch: We'll put everything away. Will you get going please, will you hurry? Lennie Pike: Oh okay... I gotta admit. I feel kinda silly. You know what I mean? [Pedals away on the bicycle] (Ace Goodman) J. Russell Finch: Wait a minute, are you knocking this country? Are you saying something against America? J. Algernon Hawthorne: Against it? I should be positively astounded to hear anything that could be said FOR it. Why the whole bloody place is the most unspeakable matriarchy in the whole history of civilization! Look at yourself! The way your wife and her strumpet of a mother push you through the hoop! As far as I can see, American men have been totally emasculated- they're like slaves! They die like flies from coronary thrombosis while their women sit under hairdryers eating chocolates & arranging for every 2nd Tuesday to be some sort of Mother's Day! And this infantile preoccupation with bosoms. In all time in this Godforsaken country, the one thing that has appalled me most of all this this prepostrous preoccupation with bosoms. Don't you realize they have become the dominant theme in American culture: in literature, advertising and all fields of entertainment and everything. I'll wager you anything you like that if American women stopped wearing brassieres, your whole national economy would collapse overnight. (Ace Goodman) [claps his hands over and over] Otto Meyer: Move! Move, will you kid? Come on! (Ace Goodman) Ding Bell: "Old Fashioneds"? Do you think you oughta *drink* while you're *flying*? Tyler Fitzgerald: Well stop kidding, will ya, and make us some drinks! You just press the button back there marked "booze". It's the *only* way to *fly*! (Ace Goodman) J. Russell Finch: [double take] Oh boy. (Ace Goodman) Lennie Pike: Listen, anything you got to say about your mother in-law, you don't have to explain to me. You know what I mean? Like if she were the star of a real crummy horror movie, I'd believe it. (Ace Goodman) J. Russell Finch: No! We are not! And I'll tell you why not. Because your son Sylvester is an irresponsible, unreliable, big loudmouth no good bum! Who if he isn't a crook? It’s because he doesn't have the brains or ambition even to become a crook! J. Algernon Hawthorne: I say: *Good show*! (Ace Goodman) Ginger Culpeper: It's Billie Sue. Her new boyfriend, Oscar, was supposed to come down here from Pamona just to meet us. So now, she called him and told him we were goin' away. Capt. T.G. Culpeper: Well, what's the matter? Ginger Culpeper: You keep forgetting if a girl is six-feet-five inches tall, she's bound to have special problems. They had some argument and then, they started screaming at each other. And now, the whole engagement's off, and she says she's leaving. Capt. T.G. Culpeper: Leaving what? Leaving home? Let me talk to her. Get her to the phone. Ginger Culpeper: I'll try. Just a minute. [to Billie Sue] Ginger Culpeper: Talk to your father. Billie Sue Culpeper: I won't. I don't wanna talk to him ever! Ginger Culpeper: Don't be ridiculous. Whatever else he is, he is your father. (Ace Goodman) | |
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