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  • [Margaret prepares to inject a miniaturized Igoe into Jack]
    Victor Scrimshaw: Now, wait a minute. What happens once Igoe's taken control of their pod?
    Dr. Margaret Canker: Mr. Igoe will pilot the pod out through a tear duct or a sweat gland.
    Victor Scrimshaw: Why chance that? Once he's gotten control of the pod and takes the chip, let's re-enlarge.
    Dr. Margaret Canker: While it's still inside Mr. Putter?
    Victor Scrimshaw: Why not?
    Dr. Margaret Canker: Have you any idea what kind of mess that would make? (Ace Goodman)
  • Man in Restroom: [Jack is talking while urinating in a urinal] Play with it, buddy. Don't talk to it. (Ace Goodman)
  • Stewardess: [seeing the cowboy lighting up his cigar] I'm sorry sir, but you're gonna have to extinguish that cigar.
    The Cowboy: [extinguishes his cigar in his hand and sniffs his hand] Mmmmmm. There's nothing like a good cigar. Eh? Partner?
    [puts his cigar in the man's suit pocket] (Ace Goodman)
  • Dream Lady: Oh, I don't bring that kind of cash around with me. (Ace Goodman)
  • Lt. Tuck Pendleton: [while fighting Mr. Igoe]
    [shouting]
    Lt. Tuck Pendleton: Make a pull on this Pal! (Ace Goodman)
  • Lt. Tuck Pendleton: I'm inside you! Right now, inside you! Inside your body!
    Jack Putter: [stands up] No! Somebody help me! I'M POSESSED! (Ace Goodman)
  • Dr. Greenbush: Well, Jack, good news. I think we can rule out demonic posession among your ailments.
    Jack Putter: But, the little voice from inside was talking to me.
    Dr. Greenbush: See, that's just it. Demons talk THROUGH you - not TO you. (Ace Goodman)
  • Lt. Tuck Pendleton: [about to dump Mr. Igoe into Jack's stomach] Ok pal. Here's how I spell relief. (Ace Goodman)
  • Victor Scrimshaw: Press the green button you fool!
    Dr. Margaret Canker: He'll never find it!
    Victor Scrimshaw: The man's a high school graduate! The green button you fool. (Ace Goodman)
  • Victor Scrimshaw: Get back in here you Safeway clerk! (Ace Goodman)
  • Victor Scrimshaw: Putter, don't be a Putz! Get in here! (Ace Goodman)
  • Lowell Bergman: You'd better take a *good* look, because I'm getting two things: pissed off and curious. (Ace Goodman)
  • Mike Wallace: Will you tell him that when I conduct an interview, I sit anywhere I damn please! (Ace Goodman)
  • Jeffrey Wigand: Fuck it. Let's go to court. (Ace Goodman)
  • Mike Wallace: Do me a favor, will you - spare me, for God's sake, get in the real world, what do you think? I'm going to resign in protest? To force it on the air? The answer's "no". I don't plan to spend the end of my days wandering in the wilderness of National Public Radio. That decision I've already made. (Ace Goodman)
  • Mike Wallace: "Mike"? Try "Mr. Wallace." We work in the same corporation, doesn't mean we work in the same profession. What are you gonna do now? You gonna finesse me? Lawyer me some more? I've been in this profession fifty fucking years. You and the people you work for are destroying the most-respected, the highest-rated, the most-profitable show on this network! (Ace Goodman)
  • Mike Wallace: [after watching a preview of the "60 Minutes" Wigand interview that has been edited] Where's the rest? Where the hell's the rest?
    [we see Lowell turning to see Mike shouting at the monitors in disbelief]
    Mike Wallace: [to Eric Kluster] You cut it! You cut the guts out of what I SAID!
    Eric Kluster: It was a time consideration, Mike.
    Mike Wallace: Time? Bullshit! You corporate lackey! Who told you your incompetent little fingers had the requisite skills to edit me! I'm trying to band-aid a situation, here, and you're too dim to...
    [Mike is suddenly interrupted by Helen Caperelli, who walks up to Wallace and Kluster]
    Helen Caperelli: Mike... Mike... Mike...
    Mike Wallace: [to Helen Caperelli] Mike?
    [there is a long pause]
    Mike Wallace: Mike? Try Mr. Wallace. We work in the same corporation doesn't mean we work in the same corporation. What are you gonna do now? You gonna finesse me? Lawyer me some more? I've been in this profession FIFTY FUCKING YEARS! You and the people you work for are destroying the most-respected, the highest-rated, the most-profitable show on this network! (Ace Goodman)
  • Mike Wallace: You cut it! You cut the guts out of what I said!
    Eric Kluster: It was a time consideration, Mike...
    Mike Wallace: Time? Bullshit! You corporate lackey! Who told you your incompetent little fingers had the requisite skills to edit me? (Ace Goodman)
  • Jeffrey Wigand: I told the truth. (Ace Goodman)
  • Mike Wallace: Who are these people?
    Lowell Bergman: Ordinary people under extraordinary pressure, Mike. What the hell do you expect? Grace and consistency? (Ace Goodman)
  • Agent: Do you have a history of emotional problems, Mr. Wigand?
    Jeffrey Wigand: Yes. Yes, I do. I get extremely emotional when assholes put bullets in my mailbox! (Ace Goodman)
  • Jeffrey Wigand: I have to put my family's welfare on the line here, my friend! And what are you puttin' up? You're puttin' up words!
    Lowell Bergman: Words? While you've been dickin' around at some fucking company golf tournaments, I been out in the world, giving my word and backing it up with action. (Ace Goodman)
  • Jeffrey Wigand: I'm just a commodity to you, aren't I? I could be anything. Right? Anything worth putting on between commercials.
    Lowell Bergman: To a network, probably, we're all commodities. To me? You are not a commodity. What you are is important. (Ace Goodman)
  • Mike Wallace: No that's fame. Fame has a fifteen minute half-life, infamy lasts a little longer. (Ace Goodman)
  • Mike Wallace: In the real world, when you get to where I am, there are other considerations.
    Lowell Bergman: Like what? Corporate responsibility? What, are we talking celebrity here?
    Mike Wallace: I'm not talking celebrity, vanity, CBS. I'm talking about when you're nearer the end of your life than the beginning. Now, what do you think you think about then? The future? In the future I'm going to do this? Become that? What future? No. What you think is "How will I be regarded in the end?" After I'm gone. Now, along the way I suppose I made some minor impact. I did Iran-Gate and the Ayatollah, Malcolm X, Martin Luther King, Saddam, Sadat, etcetera, etcetera. I showed them thieves in suits. I've spent a lifetime building all that. But history only remembers most what you did last. And should that be fronting a segment that allowed a tobacco giant to crash this network? Does it give someone at my time of life pause? Yeah. (Ace Goodman)
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  • Look, I wasn't saying the Beatles are better than God or Jesus. ( The Beatles)

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  • Music is a very personal and emotional form of communication. (Trevor Dunn)