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[Joe inserts his arm] IPPA Computer: Thank you! Please speak your name as it appears on your current federal identity card, document G24L8! Pvt. Joe Bowers: I'm not sure if... IPPA Computer: You have entered the name "Not Sure." Is this correct, Not Sure? Pvt. Joe Bowers: No, it's not correct... IPPA Computer: Thank you! "Not" is correct. Is "Sure" correct? Pvt. Joe Bowers: No, it's not, my name is Joe... IPPA Computer: You have already confirmed your first name is "Not." Please confirm your last name, "Sure." Pvt. Joe Bowers: My last name is not "Sure!" IPPA Computer: Thank you, Not Sure! Pvt. Joe Bowers: No, what I mean is my name is Joe... IPPA Computer: Confirmation is complete. Please wait while I tattoo your new identity on your arm! (Ace Goodman) Pvt. Joe Bowers: What *are* these electrolytes? Do you even know? Secretary of State: They're... what they use to make Brawndo! Pvt. Joe Bowers: But *why* do they use them to make Brawndo? Secretary of Defense: [raises hand after a pause] Because Brawndo's got electrolytes. (Ace Goodman) | |
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Mick: Yeah, well, we weren't in hell! I mean, there was this bright white light at the end of a long tunnel, right, and there was these chicks' voices, and that music... Anton: Music? Pnub: Yeah, kinda uncool music, like, Enya. And these chicks' voices, they were saying, "come to us, come towards the light". Anton: So what happened? Mick: We figured, fuck it, I mean, it was really far! (Ace Goodman) Pnub: We need a place to kick it. Don't be selfish, Anton! No one else's parents are dead! (Ace Goodman) Mick: Wait a minute. If you chop off your right hand, how are you going to chop the other one off? Anton: Oh no, man, the lefty's a keeper. I mean, I guess it wasn't idle enough. Mick: Really? Anton: Oh yeah, I mean, I hit the remote with it, light up with it, relieve a little tension. No, this is the answer. (Ace Goodman) Mick: You killed me, let's try to keep this thing in perspective here! (Ace Goodman) [hand twitches] Anton: Mick, Pnub I'll never forget all those times we sat around, watched TV and got really, really stoned. And all those other times we just... well I guess that's all we did. [picks flowers from garden and throws them over the 'graves'] Anton: Amen. (Ace Goodman) Pnub: CPR, man! I saw it on Baywatch, man! (Ace Goodman) Mick: Yeah, and while we're at it, let's just clean the whole fuckin' house. (Ace Goodman) [starts crying] Girl outside Burger Jungle: ... so I told them to go blow each other. Randy: Wow! Did they? (Ace Goodman) | |
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