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  • Birdee Pruitt: I would walk through fire before I would break up a family, because I'm not a quitter. (Ace Goodman)
  • Ramona Calvert: You have a birthday coming up. You want to tell me what you wish for?
    Bernice Pruitt: No.
    Ramona Calvert: No? Well that's alright; I'll figure it out with my Grandma magic. (Ace Goodman)
  • Birdee Pruitt: Mom wake up! Oh God, please don't do this. (Ace Goodman)
  • Bill Pruitt: [Bill is leaving the Calvert house, Bernice is following him with her bag... he takes her wrist] Bernice, what do you think you're doing?
    Bernice Pruitt: I'm going with you.
    Bill Pruitt: Honey, that's impossible.
    Bernice Pruitt: But I'm going with you.
    Bill Pruitt: No, you've got to stay here with your mama. Birdee, you gonna help me out here?
    [Birdee is silent]
    Bernice Pruitt: You told me you wanted me with you, remember?
    Bill Pruitt: Listen, honey. I've gotta go. Now don't do this to yourself, OK? Don't make a scene. Now go on back inside, go ahead.
    [Bernice defiantly follows him to his car, where he opens the trunk. She throws his bag in with his, he takes hers out and puts in on the ground]
    Bernice Pruitt: Stop it, daddy!
    Bill Pruitt: Bernice, you know I'd take you with me if I could.
    Bernice Pruitt: You can!
    Bill Pruitt: Try to understand, baby. Connie and I, we need this time to ourselves, to try and make a go of it. Then I'll come back for you. I promise, I promise, I promise!
    [Birdee looks on; fighting tears]
    Bill Pruitt: Now go on inside, please!
    Bernice Pruitt: You want me! You wrote it in your letter!
    [crying]
    Bernice Pruitt: Please, let me in! YOU WANT ME!
    Bill Pruitt: [tearfully] I'll always want you, Bernice. You're my little princess! But your mama, she needs you...... and you need her!
    Bernice Pruitt: [wailing] No I don't! I need you!
    [sobbing continues]
    Bill Pruitt: I love you, Princess... I gotta go!
    [blows horn and drives off]
    Bernice Pruitt: NO! NOOOO! DADDY! PLEASE COME BACK! TAKE ME WITH YOU! NOOO! DADDY!
    [Bernice is sobbing hysterically by this time, Birdee picks her up and carries her into the house]
    Bernice Pruitt: I WANT MY DADDY! (Ace Goodman)
  • Bernice Pruitt: [Bernice and Birdee are in Bernice's room after Bill has left... Bernice is on her bed and has finished crying] Why did you pretend that letter was from Daddy?
    Birdee Pruitt: What an imagination you have.
    [climbs onto Bernice's bed and lays by her side]
    Birdee Pruitt: You know, I always thought I was gonna be, I don't know, special. But I'm not. I'm just... I'm just an ordinary person. And that's OK. Because... you make me special. Don't you know that? Don't you know that you're everything in this world to me? And we're gonna make it through this because we are a team. Birdee and Bernice, the coolest chicks in Smithville. So don't you ever think about leaving me again... because I need you. I love you.
    Bernice Pruitt: [quietly] I love you too.
    Birdee Pruitt: Good.
    [they embrace] (Ace Goodman)
  • Inspector Mirov: The two of you together. That's fine. But what if one of you is the monster?
    Dr. Wells: [aghast] Monster? We're British, you know. (Ace Goodman)
  • Captain Kazan: Tell me, Mirov, what do you know about all the filth that's going on here? (Ace Goodman)
  • Captain Kazan: He knows that a horse has four legs. He knows that a murderer has two arms. But still, the devil must be afraid of one honest Cossack. (Ace Goodman)
  • Captain Kazan: Now, anything, anything that moves near that door, kill it!
    Dr. Wells: But what if the monk is innocent?
    Captain Kazan: Ahhh, we got *lots* of innocent monks! (Ace Goodman)
  • [opening narration]
    Professor Alexander Saxton: The following report to the Royal Geological Society by the undersigned, Alexander Saxton, is a true and faithful account of events that befell the Society's expedition in Manchuria. As the leader of the expedition, I must accept responsibility for its ending in disaster, but I leave to the judgement of the honorable members of the Society the decision as to where the blame for the catastrophe lies. (Ace Goodman)
  • Dr. Wells: Miss Jones, allow me to introduce Professor Alexander Saxton. He dabbles in fossils and bones.
    Miss Jones: Glad to meet you, Professor.
    Professor Saxton: How do you do?
    Dr. Wells: Miss Jones has been assisting me. Bacteriology, excellent technician.
    Miss Jones: [laughs] For a woman, he means. (Ace Goodman)
  • [after Wells buys his way onto a full train]
    Dr. Wells: It's called "squeeze" in China. The Americans call it knowhow.
    Professor Saxton: And in Britain, we call it bribery and corruption. (Ace Goodman)
  • Father Pujardov: [kneeling over Krasinsky's body] May the Lord have mercy on his soul.
    Inspector Mirov: Not that he deserved it, the dirty thief.
    Inspector Mirov: [to a soldier]
    Inspector Mirov: You have his things?
    Father Pujardov: You knew him?
    Inspector Mirov: Krasinsky, the locksmith? He could open any trunk with a hairpin.
    Father Pujardov: [confused] A thief? But he was blind.
    Inspector Mirov: Blind? He could spot a policeman a mile away.
    Inspector Mirov: [Mirov notices Krasinsky's blank white eyes]
    Inspector Mirov: I'll be damned.
    Father Pujardov: The work of the devil! (Ace Goodman)
  • Father Pujardov: Where there is God, there is always a place for the cross. Even on this stone floor, just so. But Satan is evil, and where there is evil, there is no place for the cross. (Ace Goodman)
  • Dr. Wells: What are you going to astound the scientific world with this time?
    Professor Saxton: You'll read about it in the Society's annual report. A remarkable fossil.
    Dr. Wells: Fossil? But you've got something live in there, I heard it.
    Professor Saxton: You're mistaken!
    Dr. Wells: You won't need to feed it then.
    Professor Saxton: The occupant hasn't eaten in two million years.
    Dr. Wells: That's one way to economize on food bills. (Ace Goodman)
  • Countess Irina: Oh, yes, England. Queen Victoria, crumpets, Shakespeare.
    Professor Saxton: I admire Poland, madam. I believe there is a bond between our two countries.
    Countess Irina: My husband, the Count Petrovski, says that in the fifteenth century your King Henry betrayed us to the Russians. Hmm?
    Professor Saxton: I hope that you and your husband, madam, will accept my profoundest apologies. (Ace Goodman)
  • Yevtushenko: I'm an engineer. A scientist. And this is ordinary chalk. How do you explain it not writing on that crate?
    Professor Saxton: [defensive] Hypnosis! Yoga! These mystics can be terribly convincing. They can even hypnotise themselves. (Ace Goodman)
  • [Wells insists Saxton is in the wrong cabin and shows him his key]
    Professor Saxton: [showing Wells his own key] Eight A, lower berth. Eight B, upper berth.
    Dr. Wells: [to Natasha] Don't worry.
    Dr. Wells: [to Saxton] Look here, I was supposed to have this compartment to myself.
    Professor Saxton: [unpacking] If you don't mind.
    Dr. Wells: I'm sorry if I'm in your way.
    Natasha: [to Saxton] Excuse me, I have no ticket and I have to get out of Shanghai. I'm sure I can make it worth your while.
    Dr. Wells: The young lady's in trouble.
    Professor Saxton: [climbing into his berth] Well, what do you suggest we do about it?
    Dr. Wells: Couldn't you - couldn't you double up with somebody else?
    Professor Saxton: Miss Jones?
    Dr. Wells: Steady on.
    Natasha: [settling into Wells' berth] I'm sure we can get on very well together. (Ace Goodman)
  • Father Pujardov: There's a stink of hell on this train. Even the dog knows it! (Ace Goodman)
  • Father Pujardov: You are jesting with her immortal soul!
    Count Petrovski: That's why we keep you, Pujardov. Our immortal souls are your concern. (Ace Goodman)
  • Countess Irina: Tell me, Pujardov.
    Father Pujardov: [anxiously] Yes?
    Countess Irina: Which do you think I should wear for the Englishman? The red, or the blue?
    Father Pujardov: Enough! I forbid you to talk this way!
    Count Petrovski: [bemused] You forbid?
    Father Pujardov: Forgive me, your Excellency. In my concern for the spiritual welfare of the countess, I forgot myself. I will pray for humility.
    Count Petrovski: Pray hard Pujardov. Or you'll find yourself praying for a job too. (Ace Goodman)
  • [about Saxton's crate]
    Inspector Mirov: One man dead, another missing. It's time we opened that box! (Ace Goodman)
  • [Mirov has opened the crate and found the body of the missing baggage man inside it]
    Dr. Wells: Are you telling me that an ape that lived two million years ago got out of that crate, killed the baggage man and put him in there, then locked everything up neat and tidy, and got away?
    Professor Saxton: YES I AM! It's alive, it must be! (Ace Goodman)
  • Inspector Mirov: Is it true you're a doctor?
    Dr. Wells: Ask me when I've finished my dinner. (Ace Goodman)
  • Dr. Wells: Miss Jones, I shall need your assistance.
    Miss Jones: [eyeing Wells' dinner companion] Yes, well at your age I'm not surprised.
    Dr. Wells: With an autopsy!
    Miss Jones: Oh, well that's different. (Ace Goodman)
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  • Look, I wasn't saying the Beatles are better than God or Jesus. ( The Beatles)

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  • Music is a very personal and emotional form of communication. (Trevor Dunn)