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[thinks back to family members saying bad things about him] Megan McCallister: Kevin, you're completely helpless! Linnie McCallister: No, Kevin, you're what the French call les incompetents. Buzz McCallister: Kevin, I'm going to feed you to my tarantula. Jeff McCallister: Kevin, you are *such* a *disease*! Kate McCallister: There are 15 people in this house and you're the only one who has to make trouble. Frank McCallister: Look what you *did*, you little *jerk*. Kevin McCallister: [gleefully] I made my family disappear. (Ace Goodman) Kate McCallister: Look, stop, stop! What is the matter with you? Kevin McCallister: He started it! He ate my pizza on purpose! He knows I hate sausage and olives and onions and... . Frank McCallister: [wiping dregs of coca cola off his pants] Look what you did, you little jerk! [the MaCallisters stare irately at Kevin] (Ace Goodman) Jeff McCallister: Tough. Kevin McCallister: That's what Megan said. Megan McCallister: What did I say? Jeff McCallister: You told Kevin "tough". Megan McCallister: The dope was whining about a suit case. What was I supposed to do? Shake his hand and say, "Congratulations, you're an idiot"? (Ace Goodman) Kate McCallister: Kevin, I'm on the phone. Kevin McCallister: It's not even rated R. He's just being a jerk. Kate McCallister: Kevin, if Uncle Frank says no then it must be really bad. (Ace Goodman) | |
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Peter McCallister: Didn't we talk about that? Kevin McCallister: Did I burn down the joint? I don't think so. I was making ornaments out of fish hooks. Peter McCallister: My NEW fish hooks? Kevin McCallister: I can't make ornaments out of the old ones, with dry worm guts stuck on them. (Ace Goodman) Peter McCallister: [hands her Kevin] Here, here's a voltage adapter. Leslie McCallister: My, but you're getting heavy. Go pack your suit case. Kevin McCallister: [stares in horror] *Pack* my *suitcase*? (Ace Goodman) Kevin McCallister: Hang up the phone and make me, why don't you? (Ace Goodman) Kate McCallister: No, I didn't have time to do that. Peter McCallister: Well how am I supposed to shave in France? Kate McCallister: Grow a goatee. (Ace Goodman) Brooke McCallister: Hi. Harry: Are your parents home? Brooke McCallister: Yeah. Harry: Do they live here? Brooke McCallister: No. [walks off] Harry: No. Why should they? All kids. No parents. Probably a fancy orphanage. (Ace Goodman) Buzz McCallister: He just ate a whole load of mice guts. He should be good for a couple of weeks. Say isn't it true that French babes don't shave their pits? Rod McCallister: Some don't. Buzz McCallister: But they got nude beaches? Rod McCallister: Not in the winter. [Buzz sulks] (Ace Goodman) Harry: Hi. Are you Mr. McCallister? Peter McCallister: Yeah. Harry: The Mr. McCallister who lives here? Peter McCallister: Yes. Pizza Boy: Oh, good, because somebody owes me $122.50. (Ace Goodman) Santa Claus: Yes, but make it quick. Santa's got a little get together he's late for. Kevin McCallister: Okay. I know you're not the real Santa Claus. Santa Claus: [his beard is pulled down, revealing his real face] What makes you say that? Er, just out of curiosity. (Ace Goodman) Harry: From *Paris*? (Ace Goodman) Kevin McCallister: Sorry. Harry: Damn! Marv: [to Kevin] Santy don't visit the funeral homes, little buddy. Harry: Okay, okay. Merry Christmas. [smiles; his gold tooth glistens; Kevin gasps] (Ace Goodman) Kate McCallister: [Without really listening] Okay, thanks. (Ace Goodman) Kevin McCallister: Ma'am, I'm eight years old. You think I would be here *alone*? I don't think so. (Ace Goodman) Harry: See, I told you something was wrong. See I knew he looked at me weird. Why would he run? (Ace Goodman) [they jump out of bed] Kate McCallister, Peter McCallister: [shouting] We slept in! (Ace Goodman) Peter McCallister: No... I did. Kate McCallister: Did you lock up? Peter McCallister: Yeah. Kate McCallister: Did you close the garage? Peter McCallister: That's it. I forgot to close the garage. That's it. [She sits back. After a pause:] Kate McCallister: No, that's not it. Peter McCallister: Well what else could we be forgetting? [She sits back again; after an even longer pause, she jumps upright] Kate McCallister: KEVIN! (Ace Goodman) Marv: Oh, it's very gee. Harry: Very gee, huh? It's loaded. It's got lot's of top-flight goods. Stereoes, VCRs... Marv: Toys? Harry: Probably looking at some very fine jewelry. Possible cash hoarde. Odd marketable securities... Who knows. It's a gem. Hand me a crow bar. Crow bars up. [they clink their crow bars together] (Ace Goodman) Harry: Yeah. Marv: You're right. They're gone. Harry: I knew they were. Marv: Silver tuna tonight! (Ace Goodman) Peter McCallister: Think positive, Frank! Frank McCallister: You be positive. I'll be realistic. (Ace Goodman) | |
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