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  • Joshua: Shall we play a game?
    David Lightman: Oh!
    Jennifer: I think it missed him.
    David Lightman: Yeah. Weird isn't it? Love to. How about Global Thermonuclear War.
    Joshua: Wouldn't you perfer a nice game of chess?
    David Lightman: Later. Right now lets play Global Thermonuclear War.
    Joshua: Fine. (Ace Goodman)
  • David Lightman: People sometimes make mistakes.
    Joshua: Yes, they do. (Ace Goodman)
  • Nigan: He does fit the profile perfectly. He's intelligent, but an under-achiever; alienated from his parents; has few friends. Classic case for recruitment by the Soviets. (Ace Goodman)
  • Mr. Liggett: Alright, Lightman. Maybe you can tell us who first suggested the idea of reproduction without sex.
    David Lightman: Um, your wife? (Ace Goodman)
  • David Lightman: I can't swim.
    Jennifer: You can't swim?
    David Lightman: No, I can't, OK, Wonder Woman? I can't swim.
    Jennifer: Well, what kind of an asshole grows up in Seattle and doesn't even know how to swim?
    David Lightman: I never got around to it, okay? I always thought there was gonna be plenty of time!
    Jennifer: Sorry.
    David Lightman: I wish I didn't know about any of this. I wish I was like everybody else in the world, and tomorrow it would just be over. There wouldn't be any time to be sorry about anything. Oh, Jesus! I really wanted to learn how to swim. I swear to God I did. (Ace Goodman)
  • Kassandra: Check this! Some guy from the seventeenth century telling *me* how to drive. They learn fast, don't they? (Ace Goodman)
  • Kassandra: Will I see you again?
    Giles Redferne: No! There are other worlds ... this one is done with me. (Ace Goodman)
  • Giles Redferne: So, you fear me.
    Warlock: 'Tis I who others fear.
    Giles Redferne: Not you, the magic. (Ace Goodman)
  • Pastor: May I ask what your interest is in finding such a book?
    Giles Redferne: Our interest lies in stopping those who would see all good falter. It lies in stopping the powers of misrule from coming of age. It lies in finding that damned book, and thwarting a vile beast of a man who shall not rest until God himself is thrown down, and all of creation becomes Satan's black hell besmeared farting hole! (Ace Goodman)
  • Kassandra: Why didn't he just kill me? Nothing could be worse than this!
    Giles Redferne: His very thought. (Ace Goodman)
  • Little Boy: [watching the Warlock play a handheld football game] Hey, you can't punt on first down; no-one punts on first down, not even Tampa Bay! (Ace Goodman)
  • Giles Redferne: [to a wounded man] Nay, do not meddle with the dressing. (Ace Goodman)
  • Warlock: You are a channeler of spirits?
    Channeler: Yes...
    Warlock: Then channel me a spirit. (Ace Goodman)
  • Flight Attendant: [pointing to Giles' weathervane] May I take that?
    Giles Redferne: Over my rotting corpse! (Ace Goodman)
  • Little Boy: You tellin' me you're a witch...? You ain't no witch! Witches are girls!
    Warlock: *Some* are men. (Ace Goodman)
  • Giles Redferne: Let's tarry not! (Ace Goodman)
  • Warlock: Of all the curiosities here I've seen, none could've surprised me more than this. (Ace Goodman)
  • Nathan Sinclair: [to the Warlock] How did you get past my secretary? (Ace Goodman)
  • Augusto: Do not give him the stone. He is E-vil!
    Warlock: Ah, so you really are psychic? (Ace Goodman)
  • Cyrus: Can you dig it? (Ace Goodman)
  • Cowboy: What do you know about Cyrus?
    Cochese: Magic... whole lotta magic. (Ace Goodman)
  • Orphan Leader: [brandishing a razor and shouting] You see what you get, Warriors? You see what you get when you mess with the Orphans? (Ace Goodman)
  • Rembrandt: The chicks are packed! The chicks are packed! (Ace Goodman)
  • Cyrus: Can you count, suckahs? (Ace Goodman)
  • Mercy: Come on. What's wrong?
    Swan: Let's just get to the next station O.K.?
    Mercy: Oh... please, come on... come on?
    Swan: You know your just part of everything that's happening tonight and it's all bad!
    [pause]
    Swan: Just go back to where ever it was you came from. (Ace Goodman)
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  • Music is a very personal and emotional form of communication. (Trevor Dunn)