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Harold: An accurate number would be difficult to gauge. Psychiatrist: Well, just give me a rough estimate. Harold: A rough estimate? I'd say fifteen. Psychiatrist: Fifteen? Harold: That's a rough estimate. Psychiatrist: Were they all done for your mother's benefit? Harold: No. No, I would not say "benefit." (Ace Goodman) Maude: Dreyfus once wrote from Devil's Island that he would see the most glorious birds. Many years later in Brittany he realized they had only been seagulls... For me they will always be - *glorious* birds. (Ace Goodman) Maude: Well, they're my species! (Ace Goodman) | |
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Maude: Hmm? Harold: Do you pray? Maude: Pray? No. I communicate. Harold: With God? Maude: With *life*. (Ace Goodman) Harold: Pardon me? Maude: Do you sing and dance? Harold: Uh, no. Maude: Uh, no. I thought not. [laughs] (Ace Goodman) Maude: Well, not any car - I like to keep a variety. I'm always looking for the new experience. Harold: [smiling] Maybe. Harold: [more seriously] Nevertheless, I think you're upsetting people. I don't know if that's right. Maude: Well, if some people get upset because they feel they have a hold on some things, I'm merely acting as a gentle reminder: here today, gone tomorrow, so don't get attached to things. (Ace Goodman) Harold: What? Maude: We'll transplant it. To the forest. Harold: You can't do that. Maude: Why not? Harold: This is public property. Maude: Well, *exactly*. (Ace Goodman) Maude: Oh, Harold... That's *wonderful*. Go and love some more. (Ace Goodman) Harold: ...I go to funerals. (Ace Goodman) Harold: I don't know. Maude: Well, I suppose I did, then. (Ace Goodman) [Harold starts to interrupt] Mrs. Chasen: Please, Harold, we have a lot to do and I have to be at the hairdresser's at three. [she looks over the papers] Mrs. Chasen: The Computer Dating Service offers you at least three dates on the initial investment. They screen out the fat and ugly, so it is obviously a firm of high standards. (Ace Goodman) Maude: Yeah? Harold: [pulls a ring from his pocket] Here. Maude: [gasping] A gift! Maude: [reading the engraving] "Harold loves Maude" Maude: [looking up at him] And Maude loves Harold. This is the nicest gift I've received in years. [she throws the ring into the lake, to Harold's surprise] Maude: So I'll always know where it is. (Ace Goodman) Harold: Farewell? Maude: Oh, yes, dear... My 80th birthday. Harold: But you're not going anywhere... are you? Maude: [long pause] I took the tablets an hour ago. I'll be gone by midnight. Harold: [after a long pause] WHAT? [immediately cut to an ambulance] (Ace Goodman) Mrs. Chasen: [after spotting Harold hanging from an noose in the living room] I suppose you think that's very funny, Harold... Oh, dinner at eight, Harold. And do try and be a little more vivacious. (Ace Goodman) Maude: Is he? Police always want to play games! (Ace Goodman) Mrs. Chasen: [shocked] Harold!... That was your last date! (Ace Goodman) | |
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