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Marty: What? Mr. Grocer: Why don't you just join the union, we'll go upstairs together and cap daddy! Marty: This union, there's gonna be meetings? Mr. Grocer: Of course! Marty: No meetings. [They continue shooting] (Ace Goodman) Mr. Newberry: [pokes his head up from the bathtub] You got my blessing! (Ace Goodman) | |
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Martin Q. Blank: It's *not* me! Why does everyone always think it's personal? (Ace Goodman) Marty: How's your sister? Did she ever marry that guy Kenny? Paul: [incredulous] Kenny? Marty: Yeah, did that work out...? Paul: Come on, man, he did three years at Joliet. They put one of those bracelets on him, like a LoJack, they know where he is at all times. I think he's at Pizza Hut now. Marty: So let's not go there. Paul: No. (Ace Goodman) Martin Q. Blank: Ah, *Budro*, yes, Budro, Jesus Christ! Yeah, I was out there tryin' to whack these junk bond fuckos and these idiots were flushing game with sticks of dynamite! And the dog that they borrowed, little Budro, was a retriever, get it? Budro was never a target, Budro was acting on instinct. I would never hurt an animal and I'm offended at the accusation... Mr. Grocer: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Chatty Cathy! Clip yer string, I don't need to know! But, just for the record, here's what I heard: the marks borrowed your client's prize hunting pup. So, bad luck for Budro and bad luck for Blank. Poodle pumper. Hound hitter. Pooch puncher! (Ace Goodman) Mr. Grocer: [innocently] Me? Martin Q. Blank: You! Mr. Grocer: Go "G"? Martin Q. Blank: Yes! Mr. Grocer: On YOU? Martin Q. Blank: Yes! Mr. Grocer: NEVER! (Ace Goodman) Grandpa: Relax. Kids swallow quarters all the time. Melanie: Really? Grandpa: Sure. If she craps out two dimes and a nickel, then you can start worrying. (Ace Goodman) Max Goldman: Me neither. (Ace Goodman) John: Gangster, huh? So tell me, was it more of a hold up than a stick up? Max: Even your infantile penis jokes seem funny and witty this morning. (Ace Goodman) Grandpa Gustafson: Well, you can wish in one hand and crap in the other and see which gets filled first. (Ace Goodman) John Gustafson: Pop, I really wish you'd try the low fat bacon... Grandpa: Well you can wish in one hand and crap in the other, and see which gets filled first! (Ace Goodman) Max Goldman: I got a cactus in my bathroom, but we got nothing to say to each other. (Ace Goodman) Grandpa Gustafson: I have been to Hawaii. Mama Ragetti: Oh yeah? Which island? Grandpa Gustafson: Come-on-I-wanna-lay-ya. Mama Ragetti: I find you disgusting. Grandpa Gustafson: Well, just as long as you find me. (Ace Goodman) Geraldo: "Lesbian Bandits" next on "Geraldo" Max: Ooooh Lesbians yummy. (Ace Goodman) John: Nobody slept with anybody.' [Shows up in the background] Grandpa Gustafson: Speak for yourself. (Ace Goodman) Max: I knew your old man longer than I knew my own. John: He was always very fond of you, Max. Max: He was a good man. John: The best. Max: You know I didn't mean what I said about Melanie. John: And you know how I really feel about Jacob. Max: Yeah, well, he deserves to be happy. John: He deserves Melanie. Max: Hmmmm. Well, whaddya wanna do now? John: You wanna get drunk? Max: Yeah. (Ace Goodman) John Gustafson: I'm cold. Max Goldman: [hands him some matches] Here's some matches. Set yourself on fire. (Ace Goodman) Max: If I die today, I die a happy man. John: You die today, I'm taking your motor. (Ace Goodman) Max Goldman: You don't have the balls to take me on any more. Ariel's got you neutered. (Ace Goodman) Max Goldman: What's your point? (Ace Goodman) | |
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