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  • Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: [The Doors' "Break On Through" being played on a flying by helicopter] That's Vietnam music... can't we get our own music? (Ace Goodman)
  • Sgt. Siek: There is no bugle tryout! You sizzle dick motherfucker! (Ace Goodman)
  • Kruger: [after being offered nuts on an airplane] Excuse me, are these hot nuts?
    Stewardess: No. I they're room temperature
    Kruger: [takes some nuts] Well, maybe later you can come by and warm up my nuts.
    Stewardess: I'm sorry, I don't like the small ones. (Ace Goodman)
  • Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Every war is different, every war is the same. (Ace Goodman)
  • Troy: Fuck politics. We're here. All the rest is bullshit. (Ace Goodman)
  • Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski: You will train, you will hydrate, and you will maintain a constant state of suspicious alertness... (Ace Goodman)
  • Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: See that kid, the one dreaming of serving his country? That Jarhead, that's me. (Ace Goodman)
  • Stupid Marine: Them paintball bullets, they hurt?
    [shows the Marine on a range, where he gets hit in the face by a paintball]
    Stupid Marine: Ahhh!
    Range Officer: Not in the head, staff sergeant, you know the rules.
    Sgt. Siek: My mistake, sir. (Ace Goodman)
  • Sgt. Siek: I love this job. I thank God for every day he gives me in the Corps. Oorah. (Ace Goodman)
  • Sgt. Siek: Listen up! Saddam Hussein has just said the mother of all battles is upon us! We are now Operation Desert Storm, the righteous hammer of God, and that hammer is coming down! (Ace Goodman)
  • Troy: Welcome to The Suck. (Ace Goodman)
  • Wu Yen: I don't want it to be Wu Yen when it's bad, Yinchun when it's good. (Ace Goodman)
  • Wu Yen: You know what I want. (Ace Goodman)
  • Emperor Qi: You ugly people are persistent. (Ace Goodman)
  • Capt. Strong: Lieutenant, you handle the debriefing. But pull your punches this time, okay?
    Paddy: I'll do my best, sir.
    [turning to the men]
    Paddy: Well, gentlemen, you're all dead. Congratulations. And believe me, by the time I'm done with you, you'll wish you bloody well were. (Ace Goodman)
  • Miss Plimsoll: Shall we roll up the window, Sir Wilfrid?
    Sir Wilfrid: Just roll up your mouth, that's all I ask! (Ace Goodman)
  • Sir Wilfrid: I am constantly surprised that women's hats do not provoke more murders. (Ace Goodman)
  • Mr. Myers: I hope we are not to be deprived of the learned and stimulating company of Sir Wilfrid? (Ace Goodman)
  • Leonard Vole: [in Christine's bombed-out hovel] It's horrible! In a gemutlich sort of way. (Ace Goodman)
  • Leonard Vole: What are you looking for?
    Christine Vole: My accordion.
    Leonard Vole: [stepping on it] I think I've found it.
    Christine Vole: Step on it again. It's still breathing. (Ace Goodman)
  • Miss Plimsoll: Teeny weeny flight of steps, Sir Wilfrid, we mustn't forget we've had a teeny weeny heart attack. (Ace Goodman)
  • Leonard Vole: But this is England, where I thought you never arrest, let alone convict, people for crimes they have not committed.
    Sir Wilfrid: We try not to make a habit of it. (Ace Goodman)
  • Sir Wilfrid: Be prepared for hysterics and even a fainting spell. Better have smelling salts handy and a nip of brandy.
    Christine Vole: I do not think that will be necessary. I never faint because I am not sure that I will fall gracefully and I never use smelling salts because they puff up the eyes. I am Christine Vole. (Ace Goodman)
  • Janet Mackensie: Perhaps you can help me, your Lordship. Six months, I have applied for my hearing aid and I am still waiting for it.
    Judge: My dear madame. Considering the rubbish that is being taught nowadays, you are missing very little. (Ace Goodman)
  • Det. Sgt. Elden Carter: What you doing, man?
    Det. Lt. James McFee: Washing my hands, man! (Ace Goodman)
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