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  • Enid: How come all that time I was trying to get you a date you never asked me out?
    Seymour: You're a beautiful girl, I couldn't imagine you'd have any interest in me except as an amusingly cranky eccentric curiosity. (Ace Goodman)
  • Enid: Just list your five main interests in order of importance.
    Seymour: I'm gonna have to put traditional jazz, blues... and then ragtime at the top of the list.
    Enid: Right, so let's just say music, that way we only use up one. (Ace Goodman)
  • Enid: Josh, he's nobody's boyfriend, he's just this guy that Becky and I like to torture. (Ace Goodman)
  • Enid: How can you stand all these assholes
    Rebecca: Some people are ok, mostly I just feel like poisoning everybody. (Ace Goodman)
  • Reggae Fan: You guys up for some reggae tonight? (Ace Goodman)
  • Graduation Speaker: High school is like the training wheels for the bicycle of real life. It is a time for young people to explore different fields of interest and to hopefully learn from their experiences. In coming to terms with my own personal setback, I've learned that I don't need to rely on drugs and alcohol, and that I'm very lucky that more people besides myself and Carrie weren't injured in the accident. And I've learned that to overcome life's obstacles you need faith, hope and, above all, a sense of humor. (Ace Goodman)
  • Roberta: [in Art Class, the teacher is asking about their homework: create a piece of art that responds to something you have strong feelings about. She spots a wire sculpture made from two coathangers] Who is responsible for this?
    Snotty Girl - Art Class: I am.
    Roberta: Talk to us about it...
    Snotty Girl - Art Class: It's my response to the issue of a woman's right to choose... it's something I feel super-strongly about. (Ace Goodman)
  • Enid: Are all these records?
    Seymour: I've got about 1500 78's at this point. I've tried to pare down my collection to just the essentials. (Ace Goodman)
  • Peter Venkman: Hi, Egon. How's school? I bet those science chicks really dig that large cranium of yours, huh?
    Egon: I think they're more interested in my epididymis. (Ace Goodman)
  • Egon: Vigo the Carpathian. Born 1505, died 1610.
    Peter Venkman: 105 years old, he hung in there, didn't he?
    Ray: He didn't die of old age, either. He was poisoned, stabbed, shot, hung, stretched, disembowled, drawn and quartered.
    Peter Venkman: Ouch.
    Winston: Guess he wasn't too popular at the end, huh?
    Egon: No, not exactly a man of the people. Also known as Vigo the Cruel, Vigo the Torturer, Vigo the Despised, and Vigo the Unholy.
    Peter Venkman: Wasn't he also Vigo the Butch?
    Ray: And dig this, there was a prophecy. Just before his head died, his last words were "Death is but a door. Time is but a window. I'll be back." (Ace Goodman)
  • Vigo: On a mountain of skulls, in the castle of pain, I sat on a throne of blood! What was will be! What is will be no more! Now is the season of evil! (Ace Goodman)
  • Janosz: He is Vigo! You are like the buzzing of flies to him! (Ace Goodman)
  • Talk Show Producer: No respected psychic will come on this show. They all think you're a fraud.
    Peter Venkman: I *am* a fraud! (Ace Goodman)
  • The Mayor: Being miserable and treating other people like dirt is every New Yorker's God-given right. (Ace Goodman)
  • Peter Venkman: You know, I have met some dumb blondes in my life, but you take the taco, pal! Only a *Carpathian* would come back to life now and choose New York! Tasty pick, bonehead! If you had brain one in that huge melon on top of your neck, you would be living the sweet life out in Southern California's beautiful San Fernando Valley! (Ace Goodman)
  • Peter Venkman: Suck in the guts, guys, we're the Ghostbusters. (Ace Goodman)
  • Egon: Venkman, get a stool sample.
    Peter Venkman: Business, or personal? (Ace Goodman)
  • Louis Tully: Your Honor, ladies and gentleman of the audience, I don't think it's fair to call my clients frauds. Sure, the blackout was a big problem for everybody. I was trapped in an elevator for two hours and I had to make the whole time. But I don't blame them. Because one time, I turned into a dog and they helped me. Thank you.
    [the courtroom is in bewildered silence]
    Egon: Very good, Louis. Short, but pointless. (Ace Goodman)
  • Dana: His name is Oscar.
    Peter Venkman: Named after a hot dog, you poor man, you poor, poor man. (Ace Goodman)
  • Egon: I'd like to run some gynecological tests on the mother.
    Peter Venkman: Who wouldn't? (Ace Goodman)
  • Ray: [of the insulting birthday party kids] Ungrateful little yuppie larva. After everything we did for this city.
    Winston: Yeah, we conjured up a hundred-foot marshmallow man, blew the top three floors off an uptown high-rise, and ended up getting sued by every city, county, and state agency in New York.
    Ray: Yeah... but what a ride. (Ace Goodman)
  • Dana: Okay, but after dinner, don't put any of those old cheap moves on me. It's different now.
    Peter Venkman: Oh, no! I have all NEW cheap moves. (Ace Goodman)
  • Prosecutor: So, you're saying that the supernatural is your exclusive province?
    Peter Venkman: Kitten, I think what I'm saying, is that sometimes, shit happens, someone has to deal with it, and who ya gonna call? (Ace Goodman)
  • Ray: You mean you never even had a Slinky?
    Egon: We had part of a Slinky. But I straightened it. (Ace Goodman)
  • Louis Tully: So the 7 little dwarves had a limited partnership in a small mining operation. And one day a beautiful princess came to live with them. And they bartered housekeeping services for room and board, which was a really good deal for them because they didn't have to withhold social security or income tax or nothin', which you're really not supposed to do, you see, but for the purpose of the story, I think it's okay. (Ace Goodman)
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  • Music is a very personal and emotional form of communication. (Trevor Dunn)