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Jane Harper: Dick? Dick Harper: [screaming] Indicted! Jane Harper: Dick, its gonna' be alright. Dick Harper: [starts running around house screaming] Indicted, Indicted, I'm being Indicted! Jane Harper: [Yells to him in a different room] Dick calm down. Dick Harper: [Runs back in to bedroom] [In pitiful voice] Dick Harper: I can't calm down, I'm being indicted... (Ace Goodman) Dick Harper: Dick: No. Just... differnt. Day Laborer: Day Laborer: Hey Dick, can we talk about thees some other time? (Ace Goodman) | |
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Lt. Jordan O'Neil: Don't know! Master Chief John Urgayle: It lets you know you're not dead yet! (Ace Goodman) C.O. Salem: Senator, they stand out on a public highway using telephoto lenses. There is nothin' I can do about it, unless you want me to infringe on their civil liberties, which I will be glad to do, if you'll just trim a little fat off the Constitution. Sen. Lillian DeHaven: Did you just mouth off to a senior member of the Senate Arms Committee? I mean, I'll give you points for style, just nothin' for smarts! (Ace Goodman) Master Chief John Urgayle: Lieutenant, seek life elsewhere. Lt. Jordan O'Neil: Suck my dick! [captive members of her team start shouting and chanting Hoo Rar after being silent to the Master Chief] (Ace Goodman) Lt. Jordan O'Neil: And don't YOU think that I'll sit idly by while anyone smears my good name. Now you get those charges VOIDED, Senator. And you do it today! Sen. Lillian DeHaven: [tauntingly] Or what? Lt. Jordan O'Neil: You like pissed off? Watch this. [storms out to TV cameras] (Ace Goodman) Lt. Jordan O'Neil: Good to see you too, Master Chief. (Ace Goodman) Master Chief John Urgayle: Since it bears on this conversation, I got it for pulling a 250-pound man out of a burning tank. Lt. Jordan O'Neil: So stopping to save a man makes you a hero, but if a man stops to help a woman, he's gone soft? Master Chief John Urgayle: Could you have pulled that man clear? Lieutenant, you couldn't even haul your own body weight out of the water today. (Ace Goodman) Master Chief John Urgayle: I'll never live this one down. (Ace Goodman) C.O. Salem: Did you just have a brain fart, Lieutenant? Lt. Jordan O'Neil: Begging your pardon, sir? C.O. Salem: Did you just waltz in here and bark at your commanding officer? Because if you did, I would call that a bona fide brain fart, and I resent it when people FART inside my office! Lt. Jordan O'Neil: I think you've resented me from the start, sir. C.O. Salem: What I resent, Lieutenant, is some politician using my base as a test tube for her grand social experiment. What I resent, is the sensitivity training that is now mandatory for all of my men. The ob-gyn I now have to keep on staff just to keep track of your personal pap smears. But most of all what I resent, is your perfume, however subtle, interfering with the scent of my fine three-dollar-and-seventy-nine-cent cigar, which I will put out this instant if the phallic nature of it happens to offend your GODDAMN FRAGILE SENSIBILITIES! Does it? Lt. Jordan O'Neil: No, sir. C.O. Salem: "No, sir" WHAT? Lt. Jordan O'Neil: The shape doesn't bother me. Just the goddamn sweet stench. (Ace Goodman) Lt. Jordan O'Neil: Do you ask the men the same question? Lt. Blondell: As a matter of fact: yes, I do ask them. Lt. Jordan O'Neil: And what do they say? Lt. Blondell: "Cause I get to blow shit up." Lt. Jordan O'Neil: Well, there you go. (Ace Goodman) Stamm: Yes, Command Master Chief! Master Chief John Urgayle: [to Everyone] IS THAT CLEAR? All the CRT Trainees: YES, COMMAND MASTER CHIEF! (Ace Goodman) Lt. Jordan O'Neil: Just treat me the same. No better, no worse. C.O. Salem: You're gonna get everything you want, O'Neil. I just wonder if you want what you're gonna get. Lt. Jordan O'Neil: Hoo-yah, sir. (Ace Goodman) Lt. Jordan O'Neil: That will be all... Master Chief John Urgayle: [to all the CRTs] You now have exactly *one minute* to *muster*! Sgt. Max Pyro, Instructor: [as the CRTs are scrambling] If even *one* of you Van Winkle wannabes are late I will *personally* see to it *none* of you sleep for a week! (Ace Goodman) | |
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