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  • Damian: My nanna takes her wig off when she is drunk.
    Ms. Norbury: Your nanna and I have that in common. (Ace Goodman)
  • Trang Pak: [in Vietnamese to a second Vietnamese student] Nigga, please! (Ace Goodman)
  • Mrs. George: I just want you to know, if you ever need anything, don't be shy, OK? There are NO rules in the house. I'm not like a *regular* mom, I'm a *cool* mom. (Ace Goodman)
  • Cady: Oh, God...
    Janis: You dirty little liar!
    Cady: I'm sorry, I can explain.
    Janis: Explain what? How you forgot to invite us to your cool party?
    Damian: Janis, I cannot stop this car. I have a curfew.
    Cady: You know I couldn't invite you! I had to pretend to be plastic.
    Janis: Hey, buddy, you're not pretending anymore! You're plastic! Cold, shiny, hard plastic!
    Damian: Curfew, 1a.m., it is now 1:10.
    Janis: Did you have an awesome time? Did you drink awesome shooters, listen to awesome music, and just soak up each others awesomeness?
    Cady: You know what? You're the one who made me like this so you could use me for your eighth grade revenge!
    Janis: God! See, at least me and Regina George know we're mean! You try to act so innocent like, ?Oh, I use to live in Africa with all the little birdies, and the little monkeys?.
    Cady: You know what! It's not my fault you're like, in love with me, or something!
    Janis: What?
    Damian: Oh no she did not!
    Janis: See, that's the thing with you plastics, you think everyone's in love with you, but in realitly, everyone *hates* you, like Aaron Samules for example! He broke up with Regina and guess what, he still doesn't want you, Cady! So why are you still messing with Regina? I'll tell you why, because you are a mean girl, you're a bitch! Here, you can have this, it won a prize.
    [Damian drives away with Janis, yelling out the window]
    Damian: And I want my pink shirt back! I want my pink shirt back! (Ace Goodman)
  • Damian: Oh, my God! I love this song!
    Janis: I hate this song.
    Cady: I *know* this song! (Ace Goodman)
  • Ms. Norbury: Oh, hi. Did you wanna buy some drugs? (Ace Goodman)
  • Student: Nice wig, Janis. What's it made of?
    Janis: Your mom's chest hair! (Ace Goodman)
  • Janis: We gotta crack Gretchen Wieners. We crack Gretchen, and then we crack the lock on Regina's whole dirty history.
    Damian: Say crack again.
    Janis: Crack. (Ace Goodman)
  • Cady: [voiceover] Oh, no. It was coming up again, word vomit... no, wait a minute...
    Regina: What is this?
    Cady: [voiceover] Actual vomit. (Ace Goodman)
  • Gretchen: [in her English class essay, after being humiliated by Regina] Why should Caesar get to stomp around like a giant, while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet? What's so great about Caesar? Hm? Brutus is just as cute as Caesar. Brutus is just as smart as Caesar. People totally like Brutus just as much as they like Caesar. And when did it become okay for one person to be the boss of everybody, huh? Because that's not what Rome is about. We should totally just *stab* Caesar! (Ace Goodman)
  • Damian: You can't join Mathletes, it's social suicide!
    Ms. Norbury: Thanks, Damian. (Ace Goodman)
  • Homeschooled Boy: And on the third day, God created the Remington bolt-action rifle, so that Man could fight the dinosaurs. And the homosexuals. (Ace Goodman)
  • Jessica Lopez: I don't hate you cuz yo' fat... yo' fat cuz I hate you! (Ace Goodman)
  • Kevin Gnapoor: So, are you Puerto Rican?
    Janis: Lebanese.
    Kevin Gnapoor: I feel that. (Ace Goodman)
  • Kevin Gnapoor: [seeing the Jingle Bell Rock dancers] Damn!
    Janis: What?
    Kevin Gnapoor: I'd rather see you out there shakin' that thang. (Ace Goodman)
  • Mr. Duvall: So, uh... how was your summer?
    Ms. Norbury: I got divorced.
    Mr. Duvall: Oh. My carpal tunnel came back.
    Ms. Norbury: I win. (Ace Goodman)
  • Janis: Regina George... How do I begin to explain Regina George?
    Emma Gerber: Regina George is flawless.
    Mathlete Tim Pak: I hear her hair's insured for $10,000.
    Amber D'Alessio: I hear she does car commercials... in Japan.
    Kristen Hadley: Her favorite movie is Varsity Blues.
    Short Girl: One time she met John Stamos on a plane -
    Jessica Lopez: - And he told her she was pretty.
    Bethany Byrd: One time she punched me in the face... it was awesome. (Ace Goodman)
  • Bethany Byrd: [referring to Regina George] One time, she punched me in the face. It was AWESOME. (Ace Goodman)
  • Mr. Duvall: Never in my 14 years as an educator have I seen such behavior. And from young ladies. I've got parents calling me on the phone and asking, ?Did someone get shot?. I oughta cancel your Spring Fling.
    [all girls shout, no, and whisper among themselves]
    Mr. Duvall: Now, I'm not gonna do that because we've already paid the DJ, but don't think I'm not taking this book seriously. Coach Carr has fled school property. Ms. Norbury has been accused of selling drugs. Now what the young ladies in this grade need is an attitude makeover. And you're going to get it, right now. I don't care how long it takes. I will keep you here all night.
    Joan the Secretary: We can't keep them past four.
    Mr. Duvall: I will keep you here until four. (Ace Goodman)
  • Gretchen: Regina, we have to talk to you.
    Regina: Is butter a carb?
    Cady: [Rudely] YES.
    Gretchen: Regina, you're wearing sweatpants. It's Monday.
    Regina: So...?
    Karen: So that's against the rules, and you can't sit with us.
    Regina: Whatever. Those rules aren't real.
    Karen: They were real that day I wore a vest!
    Regina: Because that vest was disgusting!
    Gretchen: You can't sit with us!
    Regina: [pause] These sweatpants are all that fits me right now.
    Regina: [after being ignored] Fine! You can walk home, bitches. (Ace Goodman)
  • Coach Carr: At your age, you're going to have a lot of urges. You're going to want to take off your clothes, and touch each other. But if you do touch each other, you *will* get Chlamydia... and die. (Ace Goodman)
  • Cady: I think I'm joining the Mathletes.
    Regina, Gretchen, Karen: No! No, no!
    Regina: You cannot do that. That is social suicide. *Damn*! You are so lucky you have us to guide you. (Ace Goodman)
  • Mr. Duvall: Her name is Cady. Cady Heron. Where are you, Cady?
    Cady: That's me. It's pronounced like Katie.
    Mr. Duvall: My apologies. I have a nephew named Anfernee, and I know how mad he gets when I call him Anthony. Almost as mad as I get when I think about the fact that my sister named him Anfernee. (Ace Goodman)
  • Karen: You know who's looking fine tonight? Seth Mosakowski.
    Gretchen: Okay, you did not just say that.
    Karen: What? He's a good kisser.
    Gretchen: He's your cousin.
    Karen: Yeah, but he's my first cousin.
    Gretchen: Right.
    Karen: So, you have your cousins, and then you have your first cousins, and then you have your second cousins...
    Gretchen: No, honey, uh-uh.
    Karen: That's not right, is it?
    Gretchen: That is so not right. (Ace Goodman)
  • Cady: [narrating] Calling somebody else fat won't make you any skinnier. Calling someone stupid doesn't make you any smarter. And ruining Regina George's life definitely didn't make me any happier. All you can do in life is try to solve the problem in front of you. (Ace Goodman)
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  • Look, I wasn't saying the Beatles are better than God or Jesus. ( The Beatles)

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  • Music is a very personal and emotional form of communication. (Trevor Dunn)