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  • Isabel Fuentes: Whatever you do, don't tell them I picked you up outside a bathroom. (Ace Goodman)
  • Alex Whitman: They're great. I had no idea that families talked at dinner. (Ace Goodman)
  • Isabel Fuentes: I pee really fast. I live with five brothers, three cousins and only one bathroom. Believe me - I can pee faster than anyone in the world. (Ace Goodman)
  • Isabel Fuentes: No. No quiero oir nada. No quiero que me digas una palabra. Estoy harta de todas tus mentiras. Eso son todo lo que me has dicho. Cobarde.
    Alex Whitman: What does that mean?
    Isabel Fuentes: It means that you are a liar and a coward. That's what it means.
    Alex Whitman: It sounded so much prettier in Spanish. (Ace Goodman)
  • Great Grandma: You will never know love unless you surrender to it. (Ace Goodman)
  • Alex Whitman: [as Desi Arnez] Lucy. You got some 'splaining to do. (Ace Goodman)
  • Tracey Burnham: Jeff, hon, would you get us some ice?... And while you're at it put some scotch in it. (Ace Goodman)
  • Tracey Burnham: Well nobody ever plans to end up in Vegas. You just do. Kinda sneaks up on you. But it is the fastest growing economy in the US, the economy is booming, business is growing, I'm up to my neck in paperwork. Oh, but frankly, it's not a whole lotta fun. Are you are whole lotta fun Alex?
    Alex Whitman: Ah, Jeff said we might have some problems with our liquor license because of new zoning?
    Tracey Burnham: Mmmm, I'll talk to the County Supervisor for you but if I were you I'd pay more attention to the ABC investigation. They're gonna ask you all kinds of personal questions. They'd like nothing more than to catch you with your pants down. (Ace Goodman)
  • [after doing a fast u-turn into traffic]
    Alex Whitman: Shit.
    [Yelling]
    Alex Whitman: Sorry. Shit. (Ace Goodman)
  • Alex Whitman: Isabel, don't jump.
    Isabel Fuentes: I'm not going to kill myself, stupid. But if you come any closer, I'll throw your ass over. (Ace Goodman)
  • Isabel Fuentes: It was a sign, Alex.
    Alex Whitman: Of what?
    Isabel Fuentes: That the baby would be Catholic.
    Alex Whitman: Oh, well, then it's a good thing you weren't stopped in front of an IHOP. (Ace Goodman)
  • Mrs. Fuentes: You left Alex with your brothers?
    Isabel Fuentes: And Chuey.
    Mrs. Fuentes: Oh, I better light another candle. (Ace Goodman)
  • Isabel Fuentes: Alex, this is Chuy.
    Alex Whitman: Chuy, hi. I'm Luke Skywalker. (Ace Goodman)
  • Alex Whitman: [after being told to hold the baby's head] Why, does it come off? (Ace Goodman)
  • Isabel Fuentes: [in labor, screaming at Alex] I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!
    Dam Policeman Delivering Baby: They always say that. (Ace Goodman)
  • Great Grandma: How selfish you are. To presume you know better than love. (Ace Goodman)
  • Alex Whitman: Where are you going?
    Isabel Fuentes: You're not my favorite person right now.
    Alex Whitman: Yeah, well, you either. (Ace Goodman)
  • Great Grandma: It is not your faith that has betrayed you. It is your fear. (Ace Goodman)
  • Priest on Street: There are signs everywhere. (Ace Goodman)
  • Isabel Fuentes: I'm not deaf, I'm in labor! (Ace Goodman)
  • Chuck: I thought only pansies wore neckties.
    Ren: See that? I thought only assholes used the word "pansy". (Ace Goodman)
  • Ren: [to Willard] Hey, I like that hat, man. They sell men's clothes where you got that? (Ace Goodman)
  • Reverend Shaw Moore: If our Lord wasn't testing us, how would you account for the proliferation, these days, of this obscene rock and roll music, with its gospel of easy sexuality and relaxed morality? (Ace Goodman)
  • Reverend Shaw Moore: Even if this was not a law, which it is, I'm afraid I would have a lot of difficulty endorsing an enterprise which is as fraught with genuine peril as I believe this one to be. Besides the liquor and the drugs which always seem to accompany such an event the thing that distresses me even more, Ren, is the spiritual corruption that can be involved. These dances and this kind of music can be destructive, and, uh, Ren, I'm afraid you're going to find most of the people in our community are gonna agree with me on this. (Ace Goodman)
  • Ren: You like Men At Work?
    Willard: what men?
    Ren: Men at work.
    Willard: well where do they work?
    Ren: No, they're a music group.
    Willard: well what do they call themselves?
    Ren: Oh no! What about the Police?
    Willard: What about 'em?
    Ren: You ever heard them?
    Willard: No, but I seen them.
    Ren: Where, in concert?
    Willard: No, behind you. (Ace Goodman)
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  • Music is a very personal and emotional form of communication. (Trevor Dunn)