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Sydney Lotterby: What would you be saying if it went over there, jumped into that pram? What would you be saying to the child's mother now? Rollo Lee: I'd be saying, "Madam, you are the victim of an 8 billion to one chance: a leaping anteater. An evolutionary mutant previously unknown to science." (Ace Goodman) | |
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Vince: Oh, he doesn't just love 'em. (Ace Goodman) Rod: Out of the question. Vince: Why? Rod: I don't have the money. Vince: You got six billion dollars! Rod: Seven, but things are tight right now. Vince: Okay, look. Uh, what about a-a small advance on my inheritance? Rod: What inheritance? Vince: Well... [nervous laugh] Vince: I-I'm your son! You have to leave me something. Rod: Why? Vince: 'Cause you... you screwed up my whole childhood! Rod: How could I have? I wasn't even there. (Ace Goodman) Rollo Lee: I love zoo too. (Ace Goodman) Rod McCain: Worldwide? Neville: Five guys a week, guaranteed. Rod McCain: Beauty. (Ace Goodman) Vince McCain: I'm freezing him. Willa Weston: Why? Vince McCain: He's gotta be cryogenically frozen until they find a cure. Willa Weston: Yeah, a cure? Vince, he has a bullet in the brain. Vince McCain: Well, get more ice. Willa Weston: Vince, there is no cure for a bullet in the brain. It is very fatal. (Ace Goodman) [He sees Pip and Cub kissing Rollo in a fit of gratitude] Vince McCain: What the hell do you think you're doing? Can you keep a lid on it till the sun goes down, for God's sake? You're supposed to be working, not prancing around in your cell like a... flamingo with a boner. (Ace Goodman) Willa Weston: [sombre] Yes. Vince McCain: And he's not coming back? Rollo Lee: [sombre] No. I'm sorry. [Vince leans his head against the wall, as though grieving, then tilts back his head and everyone sees him laughing] Vince McCain: I'm so happy! [to Rod's corpse] Vince McCain: You're dead! You're dead! You're dead! [punching it] Vince McCain: You big-fat-bastard! YES! (Ace Goodman) Pip Small Mammals: You didn't kill them! Rollo Lee: What? [Both women throw their arms around him] Cub Felines: We checked, they're all alive! Rollo Lee: Oh...! [Before he can say another word, they're smothering his cheeks with kisses] Sydney Lotterby: [grinning] You rascal! [to Bugsy] Sydney Lotterby: He was only kidding! Adrian "Bugsy" Malone: [as if he's known it all along] Just figured that out, have you? Rollo Lee: [still getting kissed] I say... (Ace Goodman) Rollo Lee: Cowardice? (Ace Goodman) Willa Weston: Mmm? Rollo Lee: I, I wonder if you and your fiancé don't, don't feel that... some, some of them are... Willa Weston: [interrupting] Fiancé? Vince? No, no. No, no, we're not together. Rollo Lee: Ohh, good. Willa Weston: "Good"? Rollo Lee: Good. - I mean, I know we're not making 20% yet, but, but some of the marketing devices are a bit... a bit... crude? Willa Weston: Yes. Rollo Lee: Good. Because, you know, the, the keepers and, um, and I were... Willa Weston: [looking into the lemur cage, while removing her jacket to expose a skimpy dress] Oh, look at that. *Aren't* they *gorgeous*? Oh, they just make you want to *fondle* them... Rollo Lee: Oh yes. Yes, yes, uh, yes, I see what you mean. Yes. Willa Weston: Is this one your favorite? Rollo Lee: Yes, yes, I like him breast of... uh, best, ahem, of all the... the small mammaries. Mammals. (Sorry.) Ahem. Yes, his, his name's, uh, Rollo, actually. Willa Weston: Really. Rollo Lee: Hm. Yes, so I, I sort of feed him some little special tits-bits. Tits. Tid, tid, sorry, tidbits. (Keep making boobs.) Anyway, he just... loves his nuts. Willa Weston: [slowly] Does he? Hmm. And is, uh, Rollo very sexually active? Rollo Lee: Well, he, he doesn't have a, a partner at the moment. You, you know, if he, if he had one... Willa Weston: One? Rollo Lee: Hm? Willa Weston: I mean, just one? He wouldn't get bored, or...? I mean... you had two... in your cage the other day. Rollo Lee: Oh, yes, huh. I mean, um, some of those, some of those sponsorship gimmicks are a bit sexcessive... exsexi... sexiss... Willa Weston: Excessive. Rollo Lee: That's it, sorry. Freudian slit. Slut. Slot. (Ace Goodman) Vince McCain: And I want to thank you all, personally, for the incredible enthusiasm that you've shown vis-à-vis our latest new innovative initiative. You look fantastic. You're no longer a bunch of smelly old animal keepers. No, as of today, you are official Theme Zoo Visitation Enhancement Facilitators. (Ace Goodman) Vince McCain: No, Rod says quality has never worked for him. (Ace Goodman) Vince McCain: "Pronoid"? Willa Weston: Mm-hmm. It means that contrary to all the available evidence, you actually think that people like you. Your perception of life is that it's one long benefit dinner in *your* honor with everybody cheering *you* on and wanting *you* to win everything. You think you're the prince, Vince. (Ace Goodman) Vince McCain: Willa, can I ask you a question? Willa Weston: Sure. Vince McCain: Those breasts real? Willa Weston: Yes. Vince McCain: [Closes door, but we hear him through it] Yippee. [Reopens door and comes in] Vince McCain: You know, Willa, uh, you better be careful dressed like that around here. People will think you're sleeping your way to the top. Willa Weston: Just as long as they don't think I'm sleeping my way to the middle. (Ace Goodman) Vince McCain: Oh, were you asleep? Rollo Lee: Uh, yes, I frequently am at 2 A.M., I'm afraid. Uh, filthy habit I picked up in the Far East. Vince McCain: Oh well, gee, look, if this communiqué is in any way, uh, sleep-interruptive, I'll, uh, re-telephone you later. (Ace Goodman) Rollo Lee: Starting with his father's radio stations in New Zealand, he has built up a global empire currently worth more than six billion dollars... and growing. Adrian "Bugsy" Malone: How much does he want in the end? Sydney Lotterby: Yeah. Rollo Lee: What? Adrian "Bugsy" Malone: How much bigger does he want to get? Rollo Lee: Well, there aren't any limits. He wants growth. Adrian "Bugsy" Malone: Presumably he's aware of Dr. E.F. Schumacher's concept of limited resources, or as Jean-Paul Sartre puts it... Rollo Lee: [interrupting] Any *sensible* questions? (Ace Goodman) Vince McCain: No, it's not that I don't like them, I just don't see the point. I remember, when I was five, my mother got me this... dog. Pft. I just didn't *get* it. I suppose I had nothing I needed fetched. So I sold him. Willa Weston: How sad. Vince McCain: Oh, he got over it. (Ace Goodman) Willa Weston: I think it's too soon. Vince McCain: Why? Willa Weston: Because what we have is special. Vince McCain: No it isn't. (Ace Goodman) | |
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