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[pause] Ferris: Oh, I'm sorry. I can't come to the door right now. I'm afraid that in my weakened condition, I could take a nasty spill down the stairs and subject myself to further school absences. You can reach my parents at their places of business. Thank you for stopping by. I appreciate your concern for my well-being. Have a nice day! (Ace Goodman) Grace: Well, with your bad knee Ed, you shouldn't throw anybody... Its true. Ed Rooney: What is so dangerous about a character like Ferris Bueller is he gives good kids bad ideas. Grace: Mmm-hmm. Ed Rooney: Last thing I need at this point in my career is fifteen hundred Ferris Bueller disciples running around these halls. He jeopardizes my ability to effectivley govern this student body. Grace: Well, makes you look like an ass is what he does, Ed. (Ace Goodman) Jeannie: Well, where is she? This is her daughter. [pause] Jeannie: Do know where she is? [pause] Jeannie: Well, do you know when she'll be back? [pause] Jeannie: Do you know anything? [slams down receiver] (Ace Goodman) | |
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Ed Rooney: Are you also aware, Mrs. Bueller, that Ferris does not have what we consider to be an exemplary attendance record? Katie Bueller: I don't understand. Ed Rooney: He has missed an unacceptable number of school days. In the opinion of this educator, Ferris is not taking his academic growth seriously. Now I've spent my morning examining his records. If Ferris thinks that he can just coast through this month and still graduate, he is sorely mistaken. I have no reservations whatsoever about holding him back another year. Katie Bueller: This is all news to me. Ed Rooney: It usually is. So far this semester he has been absent nine times. Katie Bueller: Nine times? Ed Rooney: Nine times. Katie Bueller: I don't remember him being sick nine times. Ed Rooney: That's probably because he wasn't sick. He was skipping school. Wake up and smell the coffee, Mrs. Bueller. It's a fool's paradise. He is just leading you down the primrose path. Katie Bueller: I can't believe it. Ed Rooney: I've got it right here in front of me. He has missed nine days... [His computer screen begins counting down from nine to two. Ferris is at home looking at the same screen] Ferris: I asked for a car, I got a computer. How's that for being born under a bad sign? (Ace Goodman) Tom Bueller: I think we should shoot her. (Ace Goodman) Ferris: A man with priorities so far out of whack doesn't deserve such a fine automobile. [Ferris caresses the car in admiration] Cameron: No. No! Apparently, you don't understand! Ferris: [ignoring Cameron] Wow. Cameron: Ferris, he never drives it! He just rubs it with a diaper! (Ace Goodman) Boy in Police Station: There's someone you should talk to. Jeannie: If you say Ferris Bueller, you lose a testicle. Boy in Police Station: Oh, you know him? (Ace Goodman) Ferris: Snooty? Maitre D': Snotty. Ferris: Snotty? (Ace Goodman) [Phone rings, and Cameron answers] Ferris: (over the phone) You're not dying, you just can't think of anything good to do. (Ace Goodman) Cameron: We're pinched, for sure. Ferris: Only the meek get pinched. The bold survive. (Ace Goodman) Ferris: Never had one lesson! (Ace Goodman) Ed Rooney: I'm very sorry, Mr. Peterson... Cameron: [disguised voice] Call me sir! Goddamn it! (Ace Goodman) Ferris: Ladies and gentlemen, you are such a wonderful crowd, we'd like to play a little tune for you. It's one of my personal favorites and I'd like to dedicate it to a young man who doesn't think he's seen anything good today - Cameron Frye, this one's for you. (Ace Goodman) Ed Rooney: [talking to Cameron on the phone] Tell you what dipshit, if you don't like my policies, you can come down here and smooch my big ol' white butt. Grace: Ed! Ed Rooney: Pucker up, buttercup. (to Grace) What? Grace: Ferris Bueller's on line two. (Ace Goodman) Cameron: Oh, thanks. (Ace Goodman) Sloane: [crying on machine] We can't come to the phone right now. We've had a... death in the family. Ed Rooney: Grace, Ferris Bueller is behind this. There is no doubt in my mind, and now, he's got Sloane Peterson involved in this thing. Grace: Her grandmother, too. Ed Rooney: You pinhead. Sloane: [sobbing] If you need to reach us, we'll be at the following number... [sobbing becomes hysterical and over the top] (Ace Goodman) Cameron: It could get wrecked, stolen, scratched, breathed on wrong... a pigeon could shit on it! Who knows? (Ace Goodman) | |
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