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Ace Ventura: Well, I have kissed a man. (Ace Goodman) Emilio: This is not the time, Ace. If Einhorn catches me talking to you or your ass I'm history (Ace Goodman) Lois Einhorn: What the hell is he doing here? Ace Ventura: I came to confess. I was the second gunman on the grassy knoll. (Ace Goodman) | |
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[suddenly the dog thief appears and smashes the back windshield with a baseball bat] Ace Ventura: Or we could try it now. (Ace Goodman) Mr. Finkle: Ray ain't coming home Ace Ventura: But your wife said you expect him home any minute Mr. Finkle: She expects him home any minute, see the engine's running but there's nobody behind the wheel. Eight years ago our son escaped from Shady Acres Mental Hospital in Tampa, and they're still bugging us to pick up his stuff. (Ace Goodman) Ace Ventura: What? Like this? [makes wierd noises,Doorman answers the door] Ace Ventura: Good evening, Captain Stubing. How are Gopher and Doc this evening? Aaall righty, then. (Ace Goodman) Ace Ventura: Yes Satan. [turns around and sees Mr. Shickadance] Ace Ventura: Ohh, I thought you were someone else. (Ace Goodman) Melissa: No, this is my date. He's a lawyer. Ronald Camp: Well, does he have a name, or should I call him "lawyer?" Melissa: No, this is Ace... um, Tom Ace. Ace Ventura: Tom Ace. Pleasure to meet you. I was just telling Melissa that one of the first things we learned about back at... Stanford Law... was the modern proliferation of food poisoning claims against wealthy homeowners. In fact, if one were so inclined, one could make quite a lucrative law practice on little else. How is everyone feeling tonight? Ronald Camp: [nervously] Very well, thank you. (Ace Goodman) Ace Ventura: If the lieutenant is indeed a woman as she claims to be then she is suffering from the worst case of hemorrhoids I have *ever* seen! [turns Lois around to reveal a bulge in her nether regions. All the males in the room proceed to lose their lunches because they have all been kissed by her/him] (Ace Goodman) Ace Ventura: [Ace holds the phone away from his mouth and waits a second.] You really thought I was gone. Melissa: [laughs] Ace Ventura: Ok, now I'm really gonna go. (Ace Goodman) Ace Ventura: Hmm-mmm. I don't smoke. It's a disgusting habit. (Ace Goodman) Reed Richards: I can't (Ace Goodman) Victor Von Doom: Let's not fight. Susan Storm: No. Let's. (Ace Goodman) Susan Storm: [to Johnny] Don't even think about it! Johnny Storm: Never do. [he jumps off the Baxter Building] Johnny Storm: Flame on! (Ace Goodman) Victor Von Doom: That's terrible news. [he kills the Doctor] Victor Von Doom: I think I'll get a second opinion. (Ace Goodman) Johnny Storm: Is that a trick question? (Ace Goodman) Johnny Storm: Why, thank you, so are you. (Ace Goodman) | |
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