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[John's Range-Rover pulls up at the main entrance, far below. With John are Lucky and both of the Rats] Tiger: ... Hey, get out of there! You're in my landing space! Rat #2: [from the Range-Rover] See if you land on your feet, Road-Kill. Lucky: [following John up to confront the tiger] ... Coming right up - one order of man, side of dog. Tiger: Good-bye, cruel world. Oh no, I just remembered. I wanted to leave the whip to the baboon. One of the few animals which enjoy that kind of thing. Dr. John Dolittle: [attempts to talk the tiger out of jumping from the observatory] Hey, whoa. Take it easy now... Remember that song "Eye of the Tiger," from ROCKY 3? When Rocky was fighting Mr. T, couldn't beat him - then Apollo Creed played "Eye of the Tiger" for him. Rocky beat the snot out of Mr. T because of "Eye of the Tiger." Because that song moved Rocky inside... [He sings the song, way out of tune, to demonstrate] Dr. John Dolittle: ... Not Eye of the Moose, not Eye of the Bull, Eye of the TIGER. Tiger: That's it. I'm jumping. Dr. John Dolittle: Listen, I'm a doctor. Maybe I can help you. If I can't, then you can eat me AND Lucky. Lucky: Or just him. Tiger: All right. I just hope you're a better doctor than you are a singer. Lucky: Good job, Doc. Although, seeing a tiger jump 5 stories would have been really cool. Tiger: I heard that. (Ace Goodman) | |
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Dr. John Dolittle: [John emerges from his apartment to get his newspaper; he notices a stray puppy in the hallway] Hey, get out of here! [the puppy wimpers and takes a squirt right there in the hallway. John yells inside] Dr. John Dolittle: Hey, there's a vicious animal in the hallway! (Ace Goodman) Dr. Gene 'Geno' Reiss: I'm worried that, if we let a big company like Calnet take us over, we're not gonna be us anymore. We'd be - THEM. Dr. John Dolittle: Let me explain something: THEM has the best hospitals and laboratories; and THEM is gonna pay us a very big, giant amount of money. Dr. Mark Weller: When I think about the money, I get teary... Saturday morning, we're meeting the Calnet people. Dr. John Dolittle: Whoa. I'm supposed to take my family to the country this weekend. Dr. Mark Weller: Well, don't. Dr. Gene 'Geno' Reiss: You see, it's happening already: you're being forced to neglect your family. Dr. Mark Weller: Gene, relax. No such thing. OK, Saturday morning. And Gene - no tank tops, please. (Ace Goodman) Lisa Dolittle: Worse. She's turning into a little YOU. (Ace Goodman) Dr. John Dolittle: Lisa, this is gonna be good for us. Lisa Dolittle: I'm so tired of that rap. It's always for US, but sometimes I don't know who US *IS!* (Ace Goodman) Dr. John Dolittle: No, I didn't. The van's around the corner. But don't tell me you don't care about money. (Ace Goodman) Dr. John Dolittle: Sure, I'll find your rat. Maya Dolittle: He's a guinea pig. Dr. John Dolittle: Whatever; they're both rodents. I'll find your rodent; I'll put down some of that sticky paper for him. Maya Dolittle: No, not that! Dr. John Dolittle: It'll be fine; you peel him right off it, and he'll live. (Ace Goodman) Squirrel #2: Back off, or you'll find your nuts in a tree! Squirrel #1: Ow! Where's the love? (Ace Goodman) Dr. John Dolittle: One more word, and I'm letting you out! I'll leave you in the wild! With the REAL animals! See how much talk you do when squirrels are kickin' your ass in! Rodney: Fine, then I'll just sing! [proceeds to sing Bob Dylan's "Blowin' In the Wind," way out of tune] Rodney: ..."The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind..." Dr. John Dolittle: SHUT UP! [turns the radio way up] Rodney: [singing] ... This guinea pig is blowin' in the wind! Dr. John Dolittle: I can't hear you! I'm groovin'! Rodney: ...Why do they call me "guinea pig," anyway? I'm not Italian, and I'm not pork...! Dr. John Dolittle: SHUT UP, I SAID! (Ace Goodman) Archer Dolittle: He certainly didn't learn it from his mother, God rest her soul. [John's Range-Rover drives up, with Rodney's cage strapped to the roof] Maya Dolittle: Daddy, what's Rodney doing on the roof? Dr. John Dolittle: I thought the fresh air would do him good. Rodney: Lunatic! Crazy man! Psycho! Dr. John Dolittle: [looks at Rodney murderously] ... Daddy, we still got those BB guns I used to play with when I was little? (Ace Goodman) Dr. John Dolittle: Yeah - it's a big, nasty owl. Let's go in. Lisa Dolittle: It's beautiful. Dr. John Dolittle: They're very dangerous: they can poke your eye out; take your finger off very easily... all of that. (Ace Goodman) Crow: Hey, who put in that bug-zapper? [John charges outside] Possum: Yo, looky here. Hey, buddy. My old lady asks, I been eating trash all night. You dig? [John accidentally steps on a Skunk] Skunk: Yah! You're on my tail, you idiot... You broke Mr. Stinky, I think. [John flees to his Range-Rover] Raccoon: Doc, while you're out, get some salmon. You can't go wrong with salmon. (Ace Goodman) Dr. Sam Litvack: John, it's 1:00 in the morning. Can't it wait until dawn? 'I Love You' Dog: [John pulls up alongside another car; the huge, sad-looking dog in its passenger-seat looks over at him] ... *I LOVE YOU.* Dr. John Dolittle: ...No it can't, Sam. I have to come over right now. (Ace Goodman) Rat #2: Your face. Rat #1: I'll hit you so hard, you'll see 10 more of me. Rat #2: It already SMELLS like 10 more of you. So just bring it on, cheese-eater... Hey, you gerbil! Rat #1: [They both notice John staring at them for the first time] ... What are YOU looking at? Dr. John Dolittle: I'm just looking at a couple of greasy rats fighting over some garbage. Rat #2: Come HERE and say that, you 4-eyed bubble-headed doofus biped! I'll get bubonic on your ass! Dr. John Dolittle: What if I take that light bulb there, and put it between your little rat butt cheeks, and make a little rodent lamp out of you? [notices that Sam Litvack has joined him] Dr. John Dolittle: ... I'm sorry, Sam; how are you? (Ace Goodman) Dr. John Dolittle: Someone had to finish last, too. Blaine Hammersmith: So, John... You talk to animals now, do you? Would you like to tell me about it? Or would you rather tell my friend here - Bettelheim? Dr. John Dolittle: I don't need to talk to your cat, Blain. Blaine Hammersmith: Why, do you think he would talk back to you? Dr. John Dolittle: He just might. Blaine Hammersmith: And what would he say? Bettleheim the Cat: I'd say Blain Hammersmith was a butthead. Dr. John Dolittle: I really like this cat. (Ace Goodman) Lucky: Stop looking at me like I'm a side dish. Tiger: Don't flatter yourself. (Ace Goodman) Dr. John Dolittle: He does a neat trick with a thermometer that's funny. (Ace Goodman) Goat: Does Brad Pitt need a goat? (Ace Goodman) | |
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