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Mugatu: Oh, I'm sorry, did my pin get in the way of your ass? Do me a favor and lose five pounds immediately or get out of my building like now! (Ace Goodman)
Hansel: I wasn't like every other kid, you know, who dreams about being an astronaut, I was always more interested in what bark was made out of on a tree. Richard Gere's a real hero of mine. Sting. Sting would be another person who's a hero. The music he's created over the years, I don't really listen to it, but the fact that he's making it, I respect that. I care desperately about what I do. Do I know what product I'm selling? No. Do I know what I'm doing today? No. But I'm here, and I'm gonna give it my best shot. (Ace Goodman)
Derek Zoolander: Why do you hate models, Matilda?
Matilda: Honestly?
Hansel: Yes.
Matilda: I think they're vain, stupid, and incredibly self-centered.
Hansel: I totally agree with you. But how do you feel about male models? (Ace Goodman)
Matilda: I became...
Hansel: What?
Matilda: Bulimic.
Derek Zoolander: You can read minds? (Ace Goodman)
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Mugatu: Who cares about Derek Zoolander anyway? The man has only one look for Christ's sake! Blue Steel? Ferrari? Le Tigra? They're the same face! Doesn't anybody notice this? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills! (Ace Goodman)
Hansel: They're *in* the computer? (Ace Goodman)
Derek Zoolander: Well, I guess it started during my first year of the second grade, when I was eating lunch and caught my reflection in a spoon, and I thought to myself, 'Hey, Derek, you're ridiculously good looking! And I thought maybe I could do that for a career.
Matilda: Do what for a career?
Derek Zoolander: Be professionally good looking. (Ace Goodman)
Matilda: When I was in 7th grade, I was... the fat kid in my class.
Derek Zoolander: Ew! (Ace Goodman)
Maury Ballstein: I've got a prostate the size of a honeydew and a head full of bad memories. (Ace Goodman)
David Bowie: If nobody has any objections, I believe I might be of service. (Ace Goodman)
Derek Zoolander: Oh, snap! (Ace Goodman)
Hansel: You is talking loco and I like it! (Ace Goodman)
Derek Zoolander: Wait a minute. I might just have an idea. They'll be looking for us at Maury's right? But they won't be looking for... not us. (Ace Goodman)
Derek Zoolander: I'm sorry I was wack. (Ace Goodman)
Billy Zane: Hey, Derek, back on top, man.
Derek Zoolander: Thanks, Billy. You rock.
Billy Zane: No, you rock. When you gonna drop Magnum on us, buddy?
Derek Zoolander: Not yet. You gotta tame the beast before you let it out of its cage. (Ace Goodman)
Mugatu: Let me show you Derelicte. It is a fashion, a way of life inspired by the very homeless, the vagrants, the crack whores that make this wonderful city so unique. (Ace Goodman)
Derek Zoolander: At the Derek Zoolander Center For Children Who Can't Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too, we teach you that there's more to life than being really, really good looking. (Ace Goodman)
Derek Zoolander: Who am I?
[the reflection speaks back]
Derek Zoolander: I don't know. (Ace Goodman)
Hansel: What's the dealio, yo? (Ace Goodman)
Hansel: [in a scratchy, alien voice] Hello? Hello?
Derek Zoolander: Oh, snap! (Ace Goodman)
Matilda: What time is it?
Derek Zoolander: Almost five.
Matilda: What? Hey, guys, that show is in three hours. Derek is dead unless we get that evidence. Do you guys -
Hansel: Whoa, whoa, easy! How 'bout a "Good afternoon, Derek and Hansel. Thanks for the freak fest last night." (Ace Goodman)
Hansel: Taste my pain, bitch! (Ace Goodman)
Hansel: I felt like, "This guy's really hurting me." And it hurt. (Ace Goodman)
Derek Zoolander: I'm not an ambi-turner. (Ace Goodman)
Hansel: So I'm repelling down mount Vesuvius when suddenly I slip. And I'm just falling, terrified and then I think, "Hey, Hansel, haven't you been smoking Peyote for six straight days and couldn't some of this maybe be in your mind?"
Derek Zoolander: And?
Hansel: And it was. I was totally fine. I've never even been to mount Vesuvius. (Ace Goodman)
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