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  • Med Student 1: I bet it was you who chopped that hand off!
    Med Student 2: Why would you say that?
    Med Student 1: Well, didn't you say you needed "a hand" to help you study? (Ace Goodman)
  • Ludovic: So, what do good man do in bad times?
    Vet: They do what's right.
    Ludovic: No,they get drunk. To good men.
    Vet: Ludovic, tell me, what did you do before you got into this lets say zoo buisness? (Ace Goodman)
  • Hansel: Excuse me, bra.
    Derek Zoolander: You're excused, and I'm not your bra! (Ace Goodman)
  • Hansel: Deal with that! (Ace Goodman)
  • Maury Ballstein: You want an opinion? With a push-up bra you could have a nice rack of lamb up there. (Ace Goodman)
  • (Announcer): ...for the past four years, male modeling has been dominated by five yllables: Der-ek Zoo-land-er. (Ace Goodman)
  • Maury Ballstein: What do we do when we fall off the horse?
    Derek Zoolander: [thoughtfully looking up and mouthing the words silently] ... fall off the horse...
    Maury Ballstein: [looking to supply finish] ... we... get back on the horse!
    Derek Zoolander: Sorry, Maury. I'm not a gymnast. (Ace Goodman)
  • Mugatu: I'm so tired. No Todd, not now!
    Todd: [handing Mugatu the phone] It's Maury.
    Mugatu: [to Maury] Tell me something good. (Ace Goodman)
  • Matilda: [to Katinka] By the way, you were wrong about my outfit. It's the Cheryl Ladd collection and I got it at JC Penney's. On sale! (Ace Goodman)
  • Mugatu: As a caterpillar becomes a butterfly, so must you become Derelicte! (Ace Goodman)
  • Hansel: Yeah, you're cool to hide here, but first me and him got to straighten some shit out.
    Derek Zoolander: Fine.
    Hansel: Why you been acting so messed up towards me?
    Derek Zoolander: Why you been acting so messed up towards me?
    Hansel: Well, you go first. (Ace Goodman)
  • Derek Zoolander: I just wanted to make you proud of me, pop.
    Larry Zoolander: How? With your male modeling? Prancing around in your underwear with your weiner hanging out for everyone to see? (Ace Goodman)
  • Derek Zoolander: God?
    Maury Ballstein: God? What the shit are you talkin' about. It's me, Maury. (Ace Goodman)
  • Derek: Oh, Snap! (Ace Goodman)
  • Derek Zoolander: [pointing to the small-scale model of centre] The centre has to be at least... three times bigger than this! (Ace Goodman)
  • Derek Zoolander: Look, I think I know what this is about and I'm complimented but not interested.
    Matilda: What?
    Derek Zoolander: I can't sleep with you OK? My head is killing me...
    Matilda: What are you talking about?
    Derek Zoolander: OK, if you just want to fool around or...
    Matilda: WAIT! I don't want to sleep with you! (Ace Goodman)
  • Derek Zoolander: Now if you'll excuse me, I have an after-funeral party to attend. (Ace Goodman)
  • Derek Zoolander: You mean, you haven't . . .
    Matilda: Done it in a while, yeh.
    Hansel: Now, what's a while? Like, eight days? (Ace Goodman)
  • Hansel: I hear words like "handsomness" and "incredibly chiseled features" and for me that's like a vanity that I don't buy into. (Ace Goodman)
  • Mugatu: Do as you are trained... AND KILL THE MALAYSIAN PRIME MINISTER! (Ace Goodman)
  • Mugatu: I invented the piano key neck tie! I invented it! What have you done, Derek? Nothing! (Ace Goodman)
  • Mugatu: You have no evidence. Han-stupid destroyed everything. (Ace Goodman)
  • Mugatu: The man only has one look for christsakes! (Ace Goodman)
  • Derek Zoolander: Oh, I thought you were going to tell me what a bad eugoogalizor I am.
    Matilda: What?
    Derek Zoolander: A eugoogalizor, one who speaks at funerals. Or did you think I'd be too stupid to know what a eugoogoly was? (Ace Goodman)
  • J.P. Prewitt: I'm a hand model, mama. A finger jockey. We think differently than the face and body boys... we're a different breed. (Ace Goodman)
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