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Mrs. Connelly: [whispers] I saw. In the living room. Nancy Kendricks: Right. The thing is that when we do have our baby, we're gonna need the upstairs. Mrs. Connelly: I don't understand dear. Alex Rose: We're willing to pay you... something. Mrs. Connelly: You want me to leave? Alex Rose: Don't you think you'd be more comfortable with people who are more in your... demographic? Nancy Kendricks: In sunny Miami Beach! Mrs. Connelly: I'm Irish. I'd sizzle up like a sausage. Besides, this is my home. Alex Rose: Home? The Emerald Isle! Back to the old sod! Mrs. Connelly: Now there's a thought. I haven't been back home for fifty years. (Ace Goodman) Nancy Kendricks: No, but I imagined it and I liked it. I'm evil. I'm a horrible, horrible person. Alex Rose: No, she's practically ruined our lives. It's perfectly natural to have thoughts like that. Nancy Kendricks: Really? Alex Rose: Yeah. I've even had a couple. Nancy Kendricks: Like what? Alex Rose: Just, you know, snapping her neck, electrocuting her, beating her to death, decapitating her, drowning her, bludgeoning her, in a humane way. Dicing her up into little pieces, but asphyxiating her first so she didn't feel anything. Nancy Kendricks: I'm glad you clarified that. You're evil too! (Ace Goodman) Alex Rose: You better not go outside then. [walks outside and slips on the steps] (Ace Goodman) Alex Rose: I would say screwed is apt. Nancy Kendricks: Do you think that Jean would ever give you a second chance? Alex Rose: No. It's over. Besides, how could I have time to rewrite my novel and still do my faithful servant duty to her as her little indentured servant person. Her little butt boy. I got a lot of duties honey. She might need me to go out and count grapes with her or go help her fix her heater or go take her to the laundry or I gotta go help her clean her banana skins and I gotta go help her clean out her garbage and I gotta go help her fiddle her monthlies out or go and wipe her ass! God forbid she should have any shit hanging off her ass! Nancy Kendricks: Alex. Alex Rose: No, really. Cause then I gotta run up there double time like a little bunny and I gotta go up there with my little tissue and I gotta go wipe her little ass and then I gotta go, "Oh, good for you Mrs. Connelly. Good for you for having such a nice little poopy. Oh, what's that? You got some poopy on your dipy? Oh, then, let me go clean it off with my tongue!" I mean enough is enough! (Ace Goodman) | |
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Alex Rose: I know. She's running errands. That only gives us twelve hours. (Ace Goodman) [she shoots him] (Ace Goodman) Alex Rose: [quickly] 26...27...28....29...30! Mrs. Connelly: [sees blueberries] Oh! Blueberries! One...two...three...four... (Ace Goodman) Bowen: Far away! (Ace Goodman) Harry: That's a special feeling, Lloyd. (Ace Goodman) Harry: Just when I thought you couldn't get any dumber, you go and do something like this... and totally redeem yourself! (Ace Goodman) Lloyd: Oh yeah. They always freak out when you leave the scene of an accident, ya' know? Harry: Yeah, well, I lost my job too. Lloyd: Man, you are one pathetic loser. No offense. Harry: No, none taken. You know what really chaps my ass though? I spent my life savings turning my van into a dog. The alarm alone cost me two hundred. Lloyd: Hey, chicks love it. Its the shaggin' wagon. (Ace Goodman) Harry: OK gang, you know the rules, no humping, no licking, no sniffing hineys. (Ace Goodman) Lloyd: I'd like to eat her liver with some fava beans and a bottle of Chianti. (Ace Goodman) Lloyd: I was thinking the same thing. That John Denver's full of shit, man. (Ace Goodman) Lloyd: Hi Harry! Harry: How was your day? Lloyd: Not bad. Fell off a jet way again. (Ace Goodman) Lloyd: Yeah! Unless you wanna work forty hours a week. (Ace Goodman) Beth: That's right! Harry: Great! They yours? Beth: Uh-huh. Harry: Both of 'em? Beth: Yes. Harry: Ah... cool! (Ace Goodman) Lloyd: What's the matter, Har? Some little filly break your heart? Harry: No, it was a girl. (Ace Goodman) [Harry and Lloyd crack up] Lloyd: Flo, like the TV show. Uh, what is the Soup Du Jour? Flo, Waitress #1: It's the Soup of the Day. Lloyd: Mmmm. That sounds good. I'll have that. (Ace Goodman) Lady at bus stop: Austria. Lloyd: Austria! Well, then. G'day mate! Let's put another shrimp on the barbie! Lady at bus stop: Let's not. (Ace Goodman) Mary: No? Lloyd: Nope. My friend Harry and I are saving up money for a pet store. Mary: That's nice. Lloyd: I got worms! Mary: I beg your pardon? Lloyd: That's what we're gonna call it. I got worms! We're gonna specialize in selling worm farms. You know, like ant farms. (Ace Goodman) | |
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