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Penelope: I go to Oral Roberts.
Juan Castillo: Oral Roberts? Is that like Anal Johnson? Because I have done that a few times. Or was it Dirty Sanchez? Yes. It was that. (Ace Goodman)
Juan Castillo: You have a beautiful name. Peen-a-lop. (Ace Goodman)
Dirk: Yeah I heard you. Something about "cocks and quarters". Yeah, we have that here in the states only we call it "hide the sausage". (Ace Goodman)
Dirk: No, I'm not an asshole. I'm just young, dumb and full - What the fuck? Something just brushed up against my leg.
Jenny: Oh, my God! What is it?
Dirk: No. There's seriously something down here. Oh, no, wait! It's just my gigantic cock! (Ace Goodman)
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Jenny: Aren't you bringing any weapons?
Lars Bronkhorst: I have all the weapons I need.
Putman Livingston: Piss on that! I'm bringing a ma-she-tay! (Ace Goodman)
Juan: All right then, tell me something. How the hell are we esposed to do our jobs when someone is killing the deek out of everyone here? (Ace Goodman)
Hank: There's always one asshole like you who wants to shit in the apple pie! Well, you just shat in the one apple pie that knows how to shit back! So whaddya say, you and me, we just sort this... (Ace Goodman)
Hank: There's always one fuck-head like you trying to shit in the apple pie. Well you just shat in the one apple pie that knows how to shit back. (Ace Goodman)
Putman: You've manacled me to my death-bed, you Piccadilly whore! (Ace Goodman)
Jenny: [about Penelope] Who is she?
Juan: She's my girlfriend. (Ace Goodman)
Juan: When you jump squeeze your ass cheeks together or water will fly up your butthole and pulverize your intestines. (Ace Goodman)
Penelope: Juan, you're bleeding!
Juan: You should see the other hombre. (Ace Goodman)
Sam: Did you know I can hold my breath for 3 minutes and 33 seconds? (Ace Goodman)
Paul: [From Outtakes] "What other dumbass catchphrases can I say?" (Ace Goodman)
Juan: You are the fucking FUN POLICE! (Ace Goodman)
Lars: Back off, fun pig! You wanna fun-fucking-arrest me? You better get a fun-fucking-warrant! Otherwise, stay outta my... fun-fucking-face! (Ace Goodman)
Juan: [about the goat incident] "At least I wore a comdom."
Jenny: You told me they were against your religion!
Juan: Uuuhhhh... I'm going to go find Pe-ne-lope. (Ace Goodman)
Juan: Ok. Juan Castillo... went to jail... for having sex with a goat. Ok? It that what you wanted to hear? We lived on a farm! And I got lonely! We were just a couple of crazy kids! (Ace Goodman)
Dave: [about Putman] "Am I the only one who thinks his head looks like an octopus?" (Ace Goodman)
Jenny: Amy Aerobics accidentally swallowed some rat poison. (Ace Goodman)
Juan: Yu and Hank are dead!
Coconut Pete: ...What did we do?
Juan: No! Yu and Hank are fucking dead!
Coconut Pete: Is that a threat? (Ace Goodman)
Sam: [thinking Lars escaped through a tiny window] He couldn't have.
Putman: He's far too large. (Ace Goodman)
Putman: I was Andre Agassi's tennis partner for a week. I'm the one who taught 'Dre how to play Cocks and Quarters. Can you believe he'd never played Cocks and Quarters? (Ace Goodman)
Juan: [after "interrogating" Penelope by having passionate sex] I may need a few more hours to pump her for information. (Ace Goodman)
Kellie: I just heard something.
Rolo: Was it a strange sucking sound? (Ace Goodman)
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