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  • Coroner: Give me a break, I had to jerk off twice this morning just to get my heart started! (Ace Goodman)
  • Vincent LaMarca: It's Him. Joey. He's my son.
    Dave Simon: Jesus Christ! I'm sorry. (Ace Goodman)
  • Marvin: Once a general, always a general. (Ace Goodman)
  • Wayne Hayes: Do you love me?
    Eileen Hayes: Yes.
    Wayne Hayes: Then I have everything I need. (Ace Goodman)
  • Zak: I don't have any money.
    [to Dopler]
    Zak: Do you have any money?
    Dopler: You can't ask your hostage for money! (Ace Goodman)
  • Dopler: I need the room number for Dr. Gibbs.
    Clerk: And you are?
    Dopler: [placing $100 on desk] In a hurry.
    [Places $200 more on desk]
    Clerk: I'll see what I can do. (Ace Goodman)
  • Dopler: You know what I don't like? Gettin' kicked in the head. (Ace Goodman)
  • Zak: I didn't know you knew Karate.
    Franceseca: I don't. That was ballet. (Ace Goodman)
  • Kelly: May I borrow some money?
    Zak: "Let's see... make new car payment? Or lend money to Satan? (Ace Goodman)
  • Sam: Nobody ever suspects the fun police. (Ace Goodman)
  • Jenny: [Re: Coconut Pete's song "Naughty Cal"] Our lives depend on us interpreting the dumbest fucking song I've ever heard! (Ace Goodman)
  • Manny: Oh good 'cause I have an announcement to make to Roy: I'm totally bake-aked! (Ace Goodman)
  • Coconut Pete: [re: Jimmy Buffet] Son-of-a-son-of-a-bitch! (Ace Goodman)
  • Juan: [after Penelope does gymnast moves in the bed room, landing right on Juan] What the fuck are you, a praying mantis woman? (Ace Goodman)
  • Dave: What the fuck did you do, man? Costa Rican prison - that's some hardcore anal action, man. (Ace Goodman)
  • Sam: [referring to lyrics form a Coconut Pete song] You know, octopus spelled backwards is supotco. Juan, isn't that Spanish for something?
    Juan: Supotco? No. But, the word for shoe is zapato.
    Sam: hmm, shoe.
    Putman: [returning from being on stage] What'd I miss?
    Jenny: Apparently somebody's going to get killed with a shoe. (Ace Goodman)
  • Sam: The boat may be hidden under some sticks... or branches. (Ace Goodman)
  • Lars: What happened to the Jacuzzi? (Ace Goodman)
  • The Killer (Putman Livingston): [the killer stands over Putman and takes off his mask to reveal the killer is Putman] Take that bag off your head, love, and give us a kiss.
    Putman Livingston: Wha... (Ace Goodman)
  • Sam: It's not a party until someone breaks the Jacuzzi. (Ace Goodman)
  • Putman: David, you hated him for killing your parents. You see, what none of us did know, what none of us could know, was that David's parents were trampled to death at a Coconut Pete concert.
    Jenny: What the hell's wrong with you Putman? Everyone knows Dave's parents got killed at a Pete show.
    Juan: Way to bring up on a sore subject. (Ace Goodman)
  • Lars: Are you familiar with the expression "sitting duck"?
    Juan: Uhh, no. (Ace Goodman)
  • Rolo: Hey! What about my nipples? (Ace Goodman)
  • Lars: I guess now they'll kick me out of the Pacifists Club.
    Jenny: Or just ask you nicely to leave. (Ace Goodman)
  • Sam, The Fun Police: Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Coconut Pete's Pleasure Island. You have the right to fun. If you choose not to have fun, fun will be provided for you. (Ace Goodman)
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