|
|
King Jaffe Joffer: So you see, my son, there is a very fine line between love and nausea. (Ace Goodman)
Prince Akeem: Listen, I know what I like, and I know you know what I like, because you were trained to know what I like, but I would like to know, what do you like? (Ace Goodman)
Rev. Brown: [at Black Awareness Rally] But you know, when I look at these contestants! For the Miss Black Awareness Pageant, I feel good! I feel good, because I know there's a God somewhere! There's a God somewhere! Turn around ladies for me please! You know there's a God who sits on high and looks down low! Man cannot make it like this! Larry Flynt! Hugh Hefner! They can take the picture, but you can't make it! Only God above, the Hugh Hefner on high, can make it for ya!
Semmi: [in audience to Akeem] Apparently these are the best women Queens has to offer. Pick one and let's go home.
Prince Akeem: Be patient, my friend.
Rev. Brown: Do you love Him? Do you feel joy? Say "Joy"!
Prince Akeem: Joy!
Rev. Brown: Joy! Can I get an "Ahe-men"? Don't be ashamed to call His name!
Awareness Woman: Yes, Lord!
Rev. Brown: Only God can give that woman the kind of joy she has right there! Make a joyful noise unto the Lord!
Prince Akeem: I am very happy to be here!
Rev. Brown: Amen! Yes, sir! Can I get an "Amen"? Ha! Ha! I don't know you what you come to do, but *I* come to praise the name! Lord, Lord! (Ace Goodman)
Maurice: Mr. McDowell?
Cleo McDowell: Yes?
Maurice: There's some people here to see you.
Cleo McDowell: They're not from McDonalds are they?
Cleo McDowell: I don't think so. (Ace Goodman)
|
Reverend Brown: Girl, you look so good, someone ought to put you on a plate and sop you up with a biscuit. (Ace Goodman)
[Cleo McDowell meets the Queen of Zamunda]
Cleo: I don't know whether to shake your hand, or kiss it, or bow, or what.
[chuckles]
Cleo: I feel like breakdancing. (Ace Goodman)
Saul: Goddammit. If a man wants to call himself Muhammed Ali, I say Muhammed Ali.
Clarence: Mama call him Clay - I call him Clay. Cassius Clay. (Ace Goodman)
Cleo: And when I say the boy has his own money, I mean THE BOY HAS HIS OWN MONEY. (Ace Goodman)
Maurice: Hey, I started out mopping the floor just like you guys. But now... now I'm washing lettuce. Soon I'll be on fries; then the grill. And pretty soon, I'll make assistant manager, and that's when the big bucks start rolling in. (Ace Goodman)
Cab Driver: This shitty enough for ya?
Prince Akeem: Yes, this will be fine. (Ace Goodman)
Clarence: I met Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. one time.
Sweets: Man, you lyin'. You ain't never met no Martin Luther the King. (Ace Goodman)
Prince Akeem: But when I marry, I want the woman to love me for who I am, not because of what I am.
King Jaffe Joffer: And who are you?
Prince Akeem: I am a man who has never tied his own shoes.
King Jaffe Joffer: Wrong. You are a PRINCE who has never tied his own shoes. I tied my own shoes once. It is an overrated experience. (Ace Goodman)
Oha: [singing] She's your Queen-to-be. A Queen-to-be forever. A Queen who'll do whatever his highness desires. She's your Queen-to-be. A vision of perfection. An object of affection to quench your royal fire. Completely free from infection. To be used at your discretion. Waiting only for your direction. Your Queen-to-be. (Ace Goodman)
King Jaffe Joffer: Time does fly fast, my son. It seems only yesterday I ordered your first diaper changed. Now you're a man about to be married. She will give you much pleasure, don't you think?
Prince Akeem: I'm not sure if I'm ready.
King Jaffe Joffer: Son, I know we never talked about this. I always assumed you had sex with your bathers. I know I do. (Ace Goodman)
Prince Akeem: Fascinating. Semmi, look at this. America is great indeed. Imagine a country so free, you can throw out broken glass on the streets. (Ace Goodman)
Landlord: All right, here we are. There's only one bathroom on this floor, so you're going to have to share it. We got an insect problem, but you boys from Africa are used to that. And another thing, don't use the elevator. It's a death trap. This is the place I was telling you about. It's real fucked up. Got just one window facing a brick wall. Used to rent it to a blind man... damn shame what they did to that dog. (Ace Goodman)
Cleo McDowell: Look... me and the McDonald's people got this little misunderstanding. See, they're McDonald's... I'm McDowell's. They got the Golden Arches, mine is the Golden Arcs. They got the Big Mac, I got the Big Mick. We both got two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles and onions, but their buns have sesame seeds. My buns have no seeds. (Ace Goodman)
Prince Akeem: I am Akeem.
Lisa McDowell: It's nice to meet you, Akeem.
Prince Akeem: I have recently been placed in charge of garbage. Do you have any that requires disposal?
Lisa McDowell: No. It's totally empty.
Prince Akeem: When it fills up, call me. I will take it out most urgently.
Lisa McDowell: That's good to know.
Prince Akeem: When you think of garbage, think of Akeem. (Ace Goodman)
King Jaffe Joffer: It is of no consequence to me. (Ace Goodman)
King Jaffe Joffer: I am looking for my son Akeem. (Ace Goodman)
Prince Akeem: So, you would share your bed, and your fortune, with a beautiful fool?
Semmi: That is the way it has always been with men of power. It is tradition. (Ace Goodman)
Semmi: Now let's see if you can defend yourself, you sweat from a baboon's balls. (Ace Goodman)
Semmi: Apparently these are the best women Queens has to offer. Pick one and let's go home. (Ace Goodman)
Semmi: But where in New York can one find a woman with grace, elegance, taste and culture? A woman suitable for a king.
Prince Akeem, Semmi: Queens! (Ace Goodman)
Prince Akeem: But how can a man get excited about a woman he's never seen? (Ace Goodman)
|
