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Customer with Diapers: In a row? (Ace Goodman) | |
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Randal Graves: But I love gatherings. Isn't it ironic? (Ace Goodman) 'Happy-Scrappy' Mom: Excuse me, do you sell videos? Randal Graves: Yeah, what're you looking for? 'Happy-Scrappy' Kid: Happy Scrappy Hero Pup. Randal Graves: Okay, hang on, I'm on the phone with the distribution house now, lemme make sure we got it. What was it called again? 'Happy-Scrappy' Mom: Happy Scrappy Hero Pup. 'Happy-Scrappy' Kid: Happy Scrappy! 'Happy-Scrappy' Mom: She loves it. Randal Graves: Obviously. Yeah, hello, this is RST Video, customer number 4352, I need to place an order. Okay, I need one each of the following tapes: "Whispers in the Wind", "To Each His Own", "Put It Where It Doesn't Belong", "My Pipes Need Cleaning", "All Tit-Fucking Volume 8", "I Need Your Cock", "Ass-Worshipping Rim-Jobbers", "My Cunt Needs Shafts", "Cum Clean", "Cum-Gargling Naked Sluts", "Cum Buns III", "Cumming in Socks", "Cum On Eileen", "Huge Black Cocks and Pearly White Cum", "Girls Who Crave Cock", "Girls Who Crave Cunt", "Men Alone II: the KY Connection", "Pink Pussy Lips", and, uh, oh yeah, "All Holes Filled with Hard Cock". Uh-huh... yeah... Oh, wait, and, what was that called again? (Ace Goodman) Dante Hicks: If you grab a Gatorade, then everyone's gonna grab one. Sanford: So? Dante Hicks: So, who's gonna pay for all these Gatorades? Sanford: What do you care, you shoe polish-smelling motherfucker? Dante Hicks: Hey, I have a responsibility here. I can't have everybody grabbing free drinks. Sanford: Responsibility? What responsibility? You're closing the fucking store to play hockey! Randal Graves: He's blunt, but he's got a point. Dante Hicks: Will you let me maintain some semblance of managerial control here? Sanford: No, all I'm sayin' is that if you're gonna be insubordinate, you might as well go the full nine, not pussy out when it comes to free shit to drink. Randal Graves: He's right, as if we're suddenly gonna have a run on Gatorade. Sanford: Fuckin' A! Dante Hicks: All right! Jesus! You fuckers are pushy! (Ace Goodman) Randal Graves: That's nothing compared to how my cousin Walter died. Dante Hicks: How did he go? Randal Graves: He broke his neck. Dante Hicks: You call that embarrassing? Randal Graves: He broke his neck while trying to suck his own dick! (Ace Goodman) Randal Graves: The ending of "Return of the Jedi". Dante Hicks: My friend here is trying to convince me that any independent contractors working on the uncompleted Death Star were innocent victims when it was destroyed by the Rebels. (Ace Goodman) Jay: [snickering] That's pretty fucking funny. Jay's Lady Friend: Did he just say "making fuck"? (Ace Goodman) Randal Graves: Buncha savages in this town. Dante Hicks: That's what I said. (Ace Goodman) Jay's Lady Friend: He only speaks Russian? Jay: Naw, he speaks some English, but he can't not speak it good like we do. (Ace Goodman) Randal Graves: Design major. Dante Hicks: Can we not talk about this right now? Sanford: Fine by me, but you're living in denial and suppressing rage, motherfucker! (Ace Goodman) Randal Graves: All right, but you're missing out. Chicks with dicks! (Ace Goodman) Dante Hicks: This life. Randal Graves: This life? Dante Hicks: Why do I have this life? Randal Graves: Have some chips, you'll feel better. Dante Hicks: I'm stuck in this pit, working for less than a slave wages. Working on my day off, the goddamn steel shutters are closed, I deal with every backward ass fuck on the planet. I smell like shoe polish. My ex-girlfriend is catatonic after fucking a dead guy. And my present girlfriend has suck 36 dicks. Randal Graves: 37. (Ace Goodman) Caitlin Bree: What are you watching? Randal Graves: Children's programming. (Ace Goodman) Dante Hicks: What? Because I never tried to suck my own dick? (Ace Goodman) Dante Hicks: Shocking abuse of authority. Randal Graves: Hey, I'm a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class. Especially since I rule. (Ace Goodman) | |
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