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  • Dylan: And that's kicking your ass! (Ace Goodman)
  • Alex: Jason, I haven't been honest with you; I'm not a bikini waxer! (Ace Goodman)
  • Charlie: Once upon a time there were three very different little girls who grew up to be three very different women with three things in common: they're brilliant, they're beautiful, and they work for me. My name is Charlie. (Ace Goodman)
  • Vivian Wood: Never send a man to do a woman's job. (Ace Goodman)
  • Roger Corwin: You're very good. With your hands. I could use someone like you on my staff.
    Alex: Thanks for the offer but my hands aren't going anywhere near your stuff. (Ace Goodman)
  • Chad: The Chad... is stuck. (Ace Goodman)
  • Eric Knox: So where we going, House of Pancakes or The Sizzler?
    Vivian Wood: What are you, the cheapest man on the planet? (Ace Goodman)
  • Chad: Is it the eggs?
    Dylan: It's not the eggs.
    Chad: Is it the boat?
    Dylan: No, it's not the boat, I have to go though.
    Chad: Is it the Chad?
    Dylan: It might be the Chad.
    Chad: The Chad... It's the Chad! (Ace Goodman)
  • Chad: Starfish, I would just like to say that I'm honored, honored to see you taking an interest in my work and I also think you're very pretty and... (sees girls getting scuba gear on) Starfish? Where are you going? Starfish are you going swimming? Where are you going? Where are you going again Starfish? Was it the Chad?
    Dylan: No the Chad was great.
    Chad: The Chad was great. (Ace Goodman)
  • Bosley: What do you call this?
    Dylan: Chinese fighting muffin.
    Bosley: That's not funny. A friend of mine took a fighting muffin in the chest; they sent him home in four Ziploc bags. (Ace Goodman)
  • Chess Opponent: What's an angel doing so far from heaven?
    Dylan Sanders: I'm no angel. (Ace Goodman)
  • Natalie Cook: Tickets, I love tickets! (Ace Goodman)
  • Natalie Cook: You were the cock. I was the beaver! (Ace Goodman)
  • Dylan Sanders: And all we have is the Thin Man.
    Natalie Cook: Our Favorite Ass-Ass-in
    Alex Munday: [Holding the medal] We should get this to the lab to have it anal-ized.
    Dylan Sanders: You do that. (Ace Goodman)
  • Max: Helen Zass. That's your name.
    [Looks over at Bosley]
    Max: . Is that, uh, Ass-tralian?
    Natalie Cook: Oh my god! You must have been the butt of every joke!
    Alex Munday: Did you by chance drive an Ass-tin Martin?
    Natalie Cook: Alex! We're being Ass-inine!
    Dylan Sanders: Yes. Yes you are. (Ace Goodman)
  • Alex Munday: [after Madison Lee shoots the Angels] What a be-atch! (Ace Goodman)
  • Madison Lee: [thinking that she's about to kill Charlie's Angels] Enjoy heaven.
    Natalie Cook: Go to hell.
    Alex Munday: [the Angels kill Madison; she dies amid flames] She's so fired. (Ace Goodman)
  • Natalie Cook: Bring it on, bitch! (Ace Goodman)
  • Bus-Stop Kid: [Bosley just rubbed him on the head] Man! You do not mess with a black man's do! (Ace Goodman)
  • Mr. Munday: So, you work with Alex at the hospital?
    Alex Munday: Yes! Natalie works in the Psychiatric Ward. And Dylan is the Head of... Gynecology.
    Mr. Munday: Really?
    Dylan Sanders: Um-hmm.
    Mr. Munday: So young.
    Dylan Sanders: I know.
    Alex Munday: We were just on our way out, actually, 'cause we have such a major procedure coming up, Daddy, so...
    Natalie Cook: Duty calls. Sorry.
    Dylan Sanders: I've gotta... prep.
    Natalie Cook: Yeah... scrub up. Ha ha.
    Mr. Munday: Bu- bye.
    [Natalie and Dylan say "Bye" together]
    Mr. Munday: Bye.
    Alex Munday: See you guys in a minute. It's just a tiny emergency, but make yourself at home, okay.
    [Kisses him on the cheek]
    Mr. Munday: We'll talk later, off to the hospital, go save lives. (Ace Goodman)
  • Alex Munday: [under her breath] Thornbirds. (Ace Goodman)
  • Alex Munday: Oh, it's a no-brainer. (Ace Goodman)
  • Max: Helen Zass. So, uh, where's that, where's that name come from originally, is that, uh "Ass-Tralian"? (Ace Goodman)
  • Natalie Cook: Killer, huh? I just got so excited. When it's big like that I just love to ride it hard and rough. (Ace Goodman)
  • Alex Munday: Check it out... brown shorts, red board, 11:00. What d'you think?
    Dylan Sanders: [looking at the guy] Yummy!...
    Alex Munday: That's what I thought. Case closed. Nat move in, Dylan thinks he's hot.
    Dylan Sanders: What do you mean?
    Alex Munday: You always fall for the bad guy. (Ace Goodman)
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