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Quotes of the Devil and Bob" [2000] Movie: "God
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The Devil and I have a deal: I get them until they're 12, he gets them until they're 20. Bob, don't air-quote. It only annoys people. You think I'm stupid, huh? You forget - I HAVE SMART FRIENDS! In the old days, I used to come down here all the time. But issues would always come up, I'd end up smiting people... | |
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I don't know who I *am* anymore! I feel like that guy from Wham! after George Michael left. Smeck: What guy? The Devil: Exactly! You always say that. You always say there's a crisis in Africa. God: That's because there always is a crisis in Africa. We have work to do my loathsome toad. Smeck: Evil work? The Devil: No, knitting. Of course evil work! I'm glad so many of you showed up. Man in crowd: Where's the free beer? Bob Allman: I'm offering you something better: salvation. Man in crowd: Is that a kind of beer? [on the answering machine] Bob? It's me God. Bob? I hate these things. Bob, pick up. Bob don't screen your Maker. Give it up, you're too late. The Devil: It's not fair! It's not fair! It's never an even playing field! I always get the short end! Just for once I'd like to... God: Go to hell. I was trying to get a hold of you all day. God: You don't call me Bob. It doesn't work that way. Bob Allman: Then what's prayer? God: Corn nut? Wait. If anyone questions that I have a relationship with God, all I have to do is show them this corn nut as proof. God: Yeah, Bob. Show them the corn nut. Excuse me, is this hell? Man in hell: [roasting over a fire] You know, I never really asked. But you have to assume. Oh, here's another idea. A planet covered entirely by water. No land at all, just water. Bob Allman: You mean, like that Kevin Costner movie? God: I didn't even see that. I'm tired of being blaed for this hideous modern music. I'm sick of Marilyn Manson trading on my good name. I mean I'm Gershwin guy. Hey, chill out, people. The Devil: Oh, no. Just when I thought we'd won, it's Kevin Bacon! Kevin Bacon: This is not going to solve the problems of this town. First we've got to come together as a community and learn to dance. ["Footloose" by Kenny Loggins begins playing] [the airplane shakes] Are you doing that? The Devil: No, no. Turbulence is no good to me - everybody prays. | |
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