Steven Wright quotes is an English serial killer, also known as the Suffolk Strangler. Born: 04/24/1958 Country: united_kingdom

• I have an existential map; it has you are here written all over it. (Steven Wright)
• Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. Their families came and took them away. Eighty years later, by a bizarre coincidence, they lay in the same hospital, on their deathbeds, next to each other. One of them looked at the other and said, so. What did you think? (Steven Wright) [day]
• I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. (Steven Wright) [mind]
• If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know? (Steven Wright)
• A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths. (Steven Wright) [people]
• At one point he decided enough was enough. (Steven Wright) [point]
• Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!' (Steven Wright) [vacation/beach/day]
• Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country. (Steven Wright)
• Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect. (Steven Wright) [curiosity]
• Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks? (Steven Wright) [take]
• Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter? (Steven Wright) [think]
• Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night. (Steven Wright) [willpower/night]
• Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it. (Steven Wright)
• Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time. (Steven Wright) [time]
• For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out. (Steven Wright) [fight]
• George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk. (Steven Wright) [radio]
• Hermits have no peer pressure. (Steven Wright)
• How young can you die of old age? (Steven Wright)
• I bought some batteries, but they weren't included. (Steven Wright)
• I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it. (Steven Wright) [water/time]
• I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five. (Steven Wright) [bad/luck/lawyer]
• I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol. (Steven Wright) [worry]
• I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list. (Steven Wright) [letter/dollar]
• I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add. (Steven Wright) [water]
• I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car. (Steven Wright) [car]
• I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out. (Steven Wright)
• I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy. (Steven Wright) [car]
• I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out. (Steven Wright) [car/housing]
• I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it. (Steven Wright)
• I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it. (Steven Wright) [collection]
• I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. (Steven Wright) [car/brake/people]

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