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Quotes of Movie; Wedding Crashers [2005]

  • Jeremy Grey: Tattoo on the lower back? Might as well be a bullseye. (unknown)
  • John Beckwith: I'm not asking you to marry me. I'm asking you *not* to marry *him*! (unknown)
  • Jeremy Grey: Rule #1: Never Leave a Fellow Crasher behind. (unknown)
  • John Beckwith: Scientists say we only use 10 percent of our brains, but I think we only use 10 percent of our hearts. (unknown)
  • John Beckwith: [walking into a wedding] I am going to get drunk. (unknown)
  • Claire Cleary: We're a folk singing group from Salt Lake City. (unknown)
  • Jeremy Grey: It feels so good when he jokes. (unknown)
  • Jeremy Grey: I felt like Jodie Foster in The Accused last night (unknown)
  • Janice: I've got the perfect girl for you!
    Jeremy Klein: [sigh] Janice, I apologize to you if I don't seem real eager to jump into a forced awkward intimate situation that people like to call dating. I don't like the feeling. You're sitting there, you're wondering do I have food on my face, am I eating, am I talking too much, are they talking enough, am I interested I'm not really interested, should I play like I'm interested but I'm not that interested but I think she might be interested but do I want to be interested but now she's not interested? So all of the sudden I'm getting, I'm starting to get interested... And when am I supposed to kiss her? Do I have to wait for the door cause then it's awkward, it's like well goodnight. Do you do like that ass-out hug? Where you like, you hug each other like this and your ass sticks out cause you're trying not to get too close or do you just go right in and kiss them on the lips or don't kiss them at all? It's very difficult trying to read the situation. And all the while you're just really wondering are we gonna get hopped up enough to make some bad decisions? Perhaps play a little game called just the tip. Just for a second, just to see how it feels. Or, ouch, ouch you're on my hair.
    Janice: Okay...
    Jeremy Klein: OK, can you, can you put that so he can't see it? Thank you. Hey, Janice... great talk. (unknown)
  • John Beckwith: Claire's mom just made me feel her hooters.
    Jeremy Klein: So, you gonna complain everytime some hot older broad makes you feel her up? Stop crying like a little girl.
    John Beckwith: I wasn't crying like a little girl.
    Jeremy Klein: Well why don't you try getting jacked off under the table? Then you'll have something to complain about. What they like? Were they nice? Are they real or fake? They built for comfort or for speed? What'd you do? You play the motorboat? You played the motorboat
    [makes motorboat noise]
    Jeremy Klein: You motorboatin' son of a bitch.
    John Beckwith: What's wrong with you?
    Jeremy Klein: What's wrong with me? What's wrong with you?
    John Beckwith: [starts walking away] Nothin'. I'm going for a walk.
    Jeremy Klein: [sort of screaming to John] Well, have fun. I'm gonna go ice my balls and spit up some blood. (unknown)
  • John Beckwith: He lived with his mom till he was forty! She tried to poison his oatmeal twice!
    Jeremy Klein: Erroneous! Erroneous! Erroneous on both accounts! (unknown)
  • Chaz Reingold: Grief is nature's most powerful aphrodisiac. (unknown)
  • Todd Cleary: What exactly is our "situation", Dad?
    Grandma Mary Cleary: You're a homo. (unknown)
  • John Beckwith: [after Jeremy gets violently tackled to the ground] You were awesome... she's buying it, now quit messing around and get up.
    Jeremy Klein: [after getting the wind knocked out of him, whispering] I'm not messing around, I cant breathe.
    John Beckwith: Oh, come on, now you're just milking it.
    Jeremy Klein: [looks up in disgust, still whispering] I hate you. (unknown)
  • Claire Cleary: True Love is when one's spirit finds its counterpart living in another. (unknown)
  • Jeremy Klein: I'm a cocksman.
    [gets glares from wedding guests]
    John Beckwith: [to wedding guests] Tourette's. (unknown)
  • John Beckwith: You like to dance, fuck, keep it honest. (unknown)
  • John Beckwith: I crashed a funeral today. (unknown)
  • John Beckwith: Don't waste your time on girls with hats. They're all very prim and proper.
    Jeremy Klein: Yeah? Well, little miss prim and proper just eye-fucked the shit out of me. (unknown)
  • John Beckwith: You look beat. Soft mattress?
    Jeremy Klein: Soft mattress? Yeah, it could have been the soft mattress. Or the midnight rape. Or the nude gay art show that took place in my room last night. One of those three probably contributed to the lack of sleep. (unknown)
  • Todd Cleary: Jeremy tried to seduce me! I want my painting back!
    Jeremy Klein: Todd, the painting was a gift and I'm keeping it. (unknown)
  • Jeremy Grey: Grab that net and catch that beautiful butterfly, pal! (unknown)
  • John Beckwith: I'm reading don't-kill-myself books! (unknown)
  • Jeremy Grey: Okay, what's our back story?
    John Beckwith: We're brothers from New Hampshire. We're venture capitalists.
    Jeremy Grey: I'm sick of that. Let's be from Vermont. And let's have an emerging maple syrup conglomerate.
    John Beckwith: Wait, that's stupid. We don't know anything about maple syrup.
    Jeremy Grey: I happen to know everything there is to know about maple syrup! I love maple syrup. I love maple syrup on pancakes. I love it on pizza. And I take maple syrup and put a little bit in my hair when I've had a rough week. What do you think holds it up, slick? (unknown)
  • Mrs. Kroeger: You shut your mouth when you're talking to me! (unknown)
    • Movie; Wedding Crashers [2005]
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