 |
|
|
|
Quotes of Movie: Liar Liar [1997]
|
|
[after sex]
Miranda: Ummm that was incredible. Was it good for you?
Fletcher: I've had better. (unknown)
Fletcher: You scratched my car!
Motorpool Guy: Where?
Fletcher: [indicating with his hands] Right there!
Motorpool Guy: OH... That was already there.
Fletcher: You - -LIAR! You know what I am going to do about this?
Motorpool Guy: what?
Fletcher: Nothing! Because if I take it to small claims court, it will just drain 8 hours out of my life and you probably won't show up and even if I got the judgment you'd just stiff me anyway; so what I am going to do is piss and moan like an impotent jerk, and then bend over and take it up the tailpipe!
Motorpool Guy: [tossing the keys to Fletcher] You've been here before haven't ya? (unknown)
Fletcher: [having farted in an elevator] It was me! (unknown)
Fletcher: [having been charged a huge amount to get his car back. He reaches for an air freshener] I'm taking this! (unknown)
|
Fletcher: Greta, please! I'm on my knees in a $900 suit. (unknown)
Judge Stevens: Mr. Reede, I'm tired and very cranky! (unknown)
Judge Stevens: Mr. Reede, do we have a settlement?
Fletcher: Noooo! (unknown)
Judge Stevens: Mr. Reede, one more word out of you, and I will hold you in contempt!
Fletcher: I hold *myself* in contempt! Why should you be any different? (unknown)
Cop: You know why I pulled you over?
Fletcher: Depends on how long you were following me!
Cop: Why don't we just take it from the top?
Fletcher: Here goes: I sped. I followed too closely. I ran a stop sign. I almost hit a Chevy. I sped some more. I failed to yield at a crosswalk. I changed lanes at the intersection. I changed lanes without signaling while running a red light and *speeding*!
Cop: Is that all?
Fletcher: No... I have unpaid parking tickets.
[groans]
Fletcher: ... be gentle. (unknown)
Max Reede: Is wrestling real?
Fletcher: In the Olympics, yes. On channel 23, no. (unknown)
Greta: He knocked over another ATM. This time at knife point. He needs your legal advice.
Fletcher: [picking up phone and shouting] Stop breaking the law, asshole! (unknown)
Bum: Got any spare change?
Fletcher: Absolutely!
Bum: Could ya spare some?
Fletcher: Yes I could!
Bum: Will ya?
Fletcher: HMM-MMM!!!
Bum: How come!?
Fletcher: Because I believe you will buy booze with it! I just want to get from my car to the office without being confronted by the decay of western society!... Plus I'm cheap! AHHH! (unknown)
Greta: [after bailing Fletcher out of jail] Am I too late? Have you been sexually molested yet because I can circle the block. (unknown)
Jane: Do you like my new dress?
Fletcher: What ever takes the focus off your head! (unknown)
Fletcher: [Fletcher is trying to convince Greta to believe her about Max's wish] You don't believe me, do you?
Greta: Of course not
Fletcher: [laughs dryly] Hahaha. How ironic. Okay, ask me something. Ask me something which you think I lied about.
Greta: Okay. Remember a few months' back when I asked you about a raise...?
Fletcher: Forget it. I don't wanna do this! (unknown)
Fletcher: The pen is blue, the pen is blue, the goddamn pen is blue! (unknown)
Max Reede: If I keep making this face... will it get stuck that way?
Fletcher: Uh uh. As a matter of fact, some people make a very good living that way. (unknown)
Fletcher: Your honor, I object!
Judge: Why?
Fletcher: Because it's devastating to my case!
Judge: Overruled.
Fletcher: Good call! (unknown)
Guy in the Washroom: What the hell are you doing?
Fletcher: I'm kicking my ass! Do you mind? (unknown)
Office Worker: Hey, Fletcher, how's it hanging?
Fletcher: [groans] Short, shriveled, and always to the left. (unknown)
Fletcher: You brought your kids to your court hearing?
Samantha: Sympathy.
Fletcher: Well, it's working! I feel sorry for them already! (unknown)
Jerry: Hey, great gift dad.
Fletcher: Thanks son. I'm so glad my gift can bring the two of them together. My plan to phase myself out is almost complete. (unknown)
Greta: Mr. Reede, several years ago a friend of mine had a burglar on her roof, a burglar. He fell through the kitchen skylight, landed on a cutting board, on a butcher's knife, cutting his leg. The burglar sued my friend, he sued my friend. And because of guys like you *he won*. My friend had to pay the burglar $6,000. Is that justice?
Fletcher: No!
[Greta looks pleased, but then Fletcher continues]
Fletcher: I'd have got him ten.
[Greta stalks off, appalled] (unknown)
Max Reede: My dad? He's... a liar.
Teacher: A liar? I'm sure you don't mean a liar.
Max Reede: Well, he wears a suit and goes to court and talks to the judge.
Teacher: Oh, you mean he's a lawyer. (unknown)
Fletcher: Mrs. Cole, the only problem here is that after you've provided years of faithful service and loving support raising his children - They are his?
Samantha: Oh yeah. One for sure.
Fletcher: After all that, your husband wants to deny you a fair and equitable share of the marital assets based on one single act of indiscretion.
Samantha: Seven.
Fletcher: Beg your pardon?
Samantha: Seven single acts of indiscretion.
Fletcher: SEVEN! acts of indiscretion, only one of which he has any evidence and all of which he himself is responsible for. (unknown)
|
Movie: Liar Liar [1997] | [2]
|
|
