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Quotes of Movie: Lemony Snicket [2004]
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Violet Baudelaire: Dinner is served. Puttanesca.
Count Olaf: What did you call me?
Klaus Baudelaire: It's pasta... Pasta Puttanesca.
Count Olaf: Where's the roast beef?
Klaus Baudelaire: Roast beef?
Count Olaf: Beef, yes. Roast beef. It's the Swedish term for beef that is roasted! (unknown)
Klaus Baudelaire: Violet, nothing happens by coincidence. (unknown)
Count Olaf: ...And I realized I have been a bit standoffish, Shall we say. Which in this case is a big, big word meaning...
Violet Baudelaire: [interrupting] Pure evil. (unknown)
Klaus Baudelaire: This is not home. (unknown)
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[first lines]
Lemony Snicket: [the Littlest Elf has just come to an abrupt halt] I'm sorry to say that this is not the movie you will be watching. The movie you are about to see is extremely unpleasant. If you wish to see a film about a happy little elf, I'm sure there is still plenty of seating in theatre number two. However, if you like stories about clever and reasonably attractive orphans, suspicious fires, carnivorous leeches, Italian food and secret organizations, then stay, as I retrace each and every one of the Baudelaire children's woeful steps. My name is Lemony Snicket, and it is my sad duty to document this tale. (unknown)
[last lines]
Lemony Snicket: Dear reader, there are people in the world who know no misery and woe. And they take comfort in cheerful films about twittering birds and giggling elves. There are people who know that there's always a mystery to be solved. And they take comfort in researching and writing down any important evidence. But this story is not about such people. This story is about the Baudelaires. And they are the sort of people who know that there's always something. Something to invent, something to read, something to bite, and something to do, to make a sanctuary, no matter how small. And for this reason, I am happy to say, the Baudelaires were very fortunate indeed. (unknown)
Count Olaf: [to the room of his troupe of actors] Let us go back to the time when dinosaurs ruled the earth!
[raises arms like a T-rex and screeches, walking around like a pidgeon]
Klaus Baudelaire: [watches, bemused, as Count Olaf heads into the hall, still doing his dinosaur impersonation]
Count Olaf: [screeches, then sees Klaus] ... What are you staring at? (unknown)
Violet Baudelaire: Are you okay?
Klaus Baudelaire: No. (unknown)
[Jim Carrey sings a sea shanty as Captain Sham towards the end of the end credits]
Count Olaf: Oh, the Captain loved the ladies / But he dragged himself a wife / Now he's wishin' he was fishin' / But he's on the hook for life.
Count Olaf: Well, I guess he shouldn't 've oughta / But he drowned her in the water / And then a flounder downed her / That's why they never found her. (unknown)
Aunt Josephine: Where's your brother?
Violet Baudelaire: Kitchen.
Aunt Josephine: Klaus! What are you doing?
Klaus Baudelaire: Napkins.
Aunt Josephine: Napkins. Oh, napkins are here. Come away from the fridge. If it falls it'll crush you flat. (unknown)
Klaus Baudelaire: These things don't just happen. (unknown)
Count Olaf: [through closed front door, after bell rings] In-trude! (unknown)
Mr. Poe: Children, I'm afraid I must inform you of an extremely unfortunate event. I'm very, very sorry to tell you this but your parents have perished in a fire that has destroyed your entire home. (unknown)
Count Olaf: Why aren't you orphans in the kitchen preparing dinner?
Violet Baudelaire: Dinner?
Count Olaf: It's the French word for the evening meal. (unknown)
Klaus Baudelaire: You won't get a cent until Violet turns 18.
Count Olaf: Oh really... says who?
Klaus Baudelaire: The law. Look it up. (unknown)
Klaus Baudelaire: This is ridiculous! Violet's only 14! She can't be legally married!
Count Olaf: She can if she has the permission of her guardian. And who's that? Oh, yes. Me!
[laughs maniacally]
Count Olaf: Look it up, bookworm! (unknown)
Klaus Baudelaire: Do you think anything will ever feel like home again?
[Violet ties up her hair]
Lemony Snicket: [narrating] Sanctuary... is a word which here means a small, safe place in a troubling world. Like an oasis in a vast desert or an island in a stormy sea. (unknown)
Uncle Monty: Now, the children will be helping us extensively with the research in Peru. Do you have any experience with children?
Count Olaf: [in disguise as Stephano] Children are strange and foreign to me. I never really was one. I do know that they are an important part of the ecosystem. (unknown)
Mr. Poe: [about Stephano] The Italian fiend! (unknown)
Sunny: [looking for Aunt Josephine] Aunt Jo! (unknown)
Aunt Josephine: [the children have gasped at recognizing Count Olaf] The black plague! Is it the black plague? (unknown)
Klaus Baudelaire: Are you sure you tied your hair tight enough? (unknown)
Klaus Baudelaire: [backstage after Count Olaf has revealed his plan to marry Violet otherwise he'll kill Sunny] No... you're not going to go through with this?
Violet Baudelaire: I have to.
Klaus Baudelaire: No come on! There's always something! There's always something.
Violet Baudelaire: Not this time.
Klaus Baudelaire: But...
Violet Baudelaire: Go, Klaus.
Klaus Baudelaire: Violet...
Violet Baudelaire: Go! (unknown)
Violet Baudelaire: [points to the bobble head "Little Elf" in the rear window of the car] Sunny - bite the head off of that elf!
Sunny: [subtitled baby talk] Love to! (unknown)
Klaus Baudelaire: Aunt Josephine?
Violet Baudelaire: Never heard of her.
Klaus Baudelaire: Doesn't it strike you odd that none of our relatives are related to us? (unknown)
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Movie: Lemony Snicket [2004] | [2] | [3]
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