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Quotes of Movie: Lemony Snicket [2004]
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Count Olaf: All that I ask is that you do every little thing that pops into my head, while I enjoy the enormous fortune your parents left behind. (unknown)
Count Olaf: Now that we're a family, I can be the ulll-timate DAD. (unknown)
Violet Baudelaire: We are very concerned. (unknown)
Count Olaf: Ah, my dear...
[reads the labels and pictures on his hands]
Count Olaf: Violet... (unknown)
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Count Olaf: [meeting the children for the first time] Ah! My dear...
[looks at stick figures of children with names on his hands]
Count Olaf: Violet. Enchantée!
Violet Baudelaire: Uh... how do you do?
Count Olaf: And this must be Klaus! Young Klaus! Your left side is the good one.
[looks with disgust at Sunny]
Count Olaf: And... what is *this*?
Sunny: [subtitled baby talk] I'm Sunny!
Count Olaf: I'm sorry. I don't speak monkey. (unknown)
Count Olaf: This... is a little piece I like to call, "The Electric Chair".
[Sits in a chair. Everybody stares at him, while nothing happens]
Count Olaf: [Country/Redneck accent] I think ya' might have t' turn it up!
Count Olaf: [Regular accent] I mean that...
[Pretending to be electrified]
Count Olaf: DAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (unknown)
[about the orphans who would love to take the Baudelaires' place]
Count Olaf: But I don't care about them. I chose to open my heart to you two lovely children and your hideous primate. (unknown)
[Olaf tosses the children into their room after they fail to prepare a roast beef dinner and threaten to call Mr. Poe]
Count Olaf: I'm very disappointed in you children. (unknown)
[while Olaf is in the store and the children are in the car locked on the train tracks]
Count Olaf: Hello, I'm going on a perfectly innocent ride in the country with my children... whom I love. (unknown)
Count Olaf: [pretending to cry] Take them Mr. Poe, before I lose it big time. (unknown)
Count Olaf: [to the children] You are so deceased! (unknown)
Count Olaf: I must say, you are a gloomy looking bunch. Why so glum?
Klaus Baudelaire: ...Our parents just died.
Count Olaf: Ah yes, of course. How very, very awful. Wait! Let me do that one more time. Give me the line again! Quickly, while it's fresh in my mind!
Klaus Baudelaire: [uncertainly] Our parents just died?
Count Olaf: [gasps dramatically]
Sunny: [in baby talk] What a schmuck! (unknown)
Violet Baudelaire: It's the letter! The letter that never came!
[reading]
Violet Baudelaire: 'Dearest children - since we've been abroad we have missed you all so much. Certain events have compelled us to extend our travels. One day, when you're older, you will learn all about the people we have befriended and the dangers we have faced. At times the world can seem an unfriendly and sinister place, but believe us when we say that there is much more good in it than bad. All you have to do is look hard enough. And what might seem to be a series of unfortunate events may, in fact, be the first steps of a journey. We hope to have you back in our arms soon, darlings, but in case this letter arrives before our return, know that we love you. It fills us with pride to know that no matter what happens in this life, that you three will take care of each other, with kindness and bravery and selflessness, as you always have. And remember one thing, my darlings, and never forget it: that no matter where we are, know that as long as you have each other, you have your family. And you are home.' (unknown)
Violet Baudelaire: At times the world can seem an unfriendly and sinister place. But believe us when we say there is much more good in it than bad. All you have to do is look hard enough. And what might seem to be a series of unfortunate events, may in fact, be the first steps of a journey. (unknown)
Count Olaf: Hello, I'm looking for Dr. Montgomery Montgomery. My name is Stephano, I am an Italian man. (unknown)
Violet Baudelaire: He's Count Olaf and he tried to kill us with a train!
The Detective: Where is this man gonna get a train?
Count Olaf: [as Stephano] Where am I gonna get a train? (unknown)
[on Stephano, after realizing that he had been caught in a lie]
Count Olaf: Damnit. This was such a good character. (unknown)
Count Olaf: [about Klaus] He's just a boy barely out of his Osh Kosh B'Gosh. (unknown)
Aunt Josephine: The children are going to serve puttanesca.
Count Olaf: [gasps] The very meal I ate before they took me leg! (unknown)
Lemony Snicket: [narrating] This is the story of the three Baudelaire children. Violet loved to invent; her brother, Klaus, loved to read; and their sister, Sunny... she loved to bite. My name is Lemony Snicket and it is my duty to tell you their tale. No one knows the precise cause of the Baudelaire fire, but just like that, the Baudelaire children became the Baudelaire orphans. (unknown)
Sunny: [subtitled baby talk] She's the *mayor* of crazy town. (unknown)
[Olaf is about to enter the store, leaving the kids in the car]
Count Olaf: [to Violet] Soda.
Count Olaf: [to Klaus] Soda.
Count Olaf: [to Sunny] Banana.
Sunny: [subtitled baby talk] Bite me. (unknown)
Klaus Baudelaire: How could they do this to us?
Violet Baudelaire: They're just bad people...
Klaus Baudelaire: Not them. Mom and Dad.
Violet Baudelaire: Klaus!
Klaus Baudelaire: Violet, you're thinking it too! How could they? Did they have no plan for us at all?
Violet Baudelaire: Maybe... maybe they did have a plan.
Klaus Baudelaire: [sarcastically] Sure looks like it to me. (unknown)
Klaus Baudelaire: You know, Curdled Cave is for sale.
Aunt Josephine: So?
Klaus Baudelaire: So, pretty soon people are going to come to look at it. And some of those people will be... realtors.
[Aunt Josephine gasps] (unknown)
[about Aunt Josephine's deceased husband, Ike]
Klaus Baudelaire: Did Ike die in a fire?
Aunt Josephine: No, no, silly boy... he was eaten by leeches.
Sunny: [non-subtitled] Okay (unknown)
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Movie: Lemony Snicket [2004] | [2] | [3]
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