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Quotes of Movie: Keeping the Faith [2000]

  • Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Rabbi Lewis! Anna, this is Rabbi Lewis.
    Rabbi Lewis: Good to see you again Miss Riley.
    Anna Riley: Good to see you again Rabbi Lewis.
    Rabbi Lewis: You missed our last class.
    Anna Riley: I know, I'm sorry, I thought I was leaving town.
    Rabbi Lewis: [to Jake] Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
    Anna Riley: I would love to start up again if that's all right with you.
    Rabbi Lewis: I'd be delighted. Now, if you'll excuse us, we've got some dancing to do. (unknown)
  • Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Tuesday's not good for me, I gotta mourn with the Schwarzes. (unknown)
  • Anna Riley: I read your sarin gas report. It was very powerful.
    Rachel Rose: Thanks, I really earned my stripes with that piece.
    Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: I earned my stripes by getting through a bris without fainting. (unknown)
  • Rachel Rose: You write all your own sermons, right?
    Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Actually I download them off the net, there's this great site www.hotgod.com.
    Rachel Rose: Really?
    [Anna kicks him under the table]
    Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Ooh hoo, no. (unknown)
  • Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Whoa! Listen to what you're saying. You're telling me that I was supposed to be sensitive to the possibility that a Catholic priest might have a crush on my secret girlfriend? (unknown)
  • [showing teenage Jake how to do the sign of the cross] (unknown)
  • Alan Klien: I suck! They're gonna take away my Yamulkha! (unknown)
  • Alan Klien: I suck! They're gonna take away my Yamulkha!
    Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: No you don't. You don't suck.
    Alan Klien: I suck.
    Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Yes, all right, you do. You suck. But that's ok, you're supposed to suck. This isn't a talent contest, it's a rite of passage. (unknown)
  • Anna Riley: I just called to see how the date went.
    Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: That's so funny. I had an impulse to call you last night but then I thought it might be too late.
    Anna Riley: You should've. I was stuck here barking at Los Angeles. So what did you wear?
    Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: What? I'm not gonna tell you what I wore on my date. Why would I do that?
    Anna Riley: I want to get an image of a young rabbi on the prowl, what's your game man?
    Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Ok. Navy blue pin stripe suit.
    Anna Riley: Mmm.
    Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Navy blue button down shirt.
    Anna Riley: Good colour for your eyes. Shoes?
    Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Black. Kenneth Cole. Leather.
    Anna Riley: Size?
    Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Big.
    Anna Riley: Ow!
    Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: You wanna hear about the special knot in my tie?
    Anna Riley: Baby no, we gotta keep room for dessert. Don't give up hope ok?
    Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: I'll keep it alive.
    Anna Riley: Good bye Mr Sharp Dressed Man. (unknown)
  • Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: The seven deadly sins. Who can name the seven deadly sins? People! It was a very popular film with Brad Pitt, you have the ultimate cliff note. (unknown)
  • Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: You're a Sikh, Catholic Muslim with Jewish in-laws?
    Indian Bartender: Yes. Yes. It gets very complicated. I'm reading Dianetics.
    Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Don't blame you. (unknown)
  • Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Jews want their rabbis to be the kind of Jews they don't have the time to be.
    Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Yeah, and Catholics want their priests to be the kind of Catholics they don't have the discipline to be. (unknown)
  • Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: What happened to our youth?
    Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: I'm telling you, it ended at 30, pal. (unknown)
  • Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: No, I'm glad you saved it because it's definitely less weird for me now. (unknown)
  • Rabbi Lewis: Don't look at me in that tone of voice. (unknown)
  • Anna Riley: [to Jake] So what's your chick situation?
    Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Oh, don't ask, it's not a good story.
    Anna Riley: Why?
    Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Because his whole congregation is trying to set him up and it makes him very uncomfortable.
    Anna Riley: What's wrong with that?
    Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: There's a reason pandas don't mate in captivity.
    Anna Riley: What does that mean?
    Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: It means these mothers keep making these dates for me that I can't refuse. They're very intimidating, they're like the Kosher Nostra. They're little women but very determined.
    Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: I think you get a little melodramatic about this, don't you think?
    Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Oh, yeah? Today one of them faxed me her daughter's resume.
    Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Let me see that. Ali Decker.
    Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Look at the bottom.
    Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Oh. She has a skills section.
    Anna Riley: Yes?
    Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Oh, you win. She put jogging as a skill.
    Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: See? She doesn't even know the difference between a hobby and a skill.
    Anna Riley: All right, so maybe she's a skilled jogger.
    Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: I have to go on a date with this woman. Why can't I just say no?
    Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: I don't know, why can't you?
    Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: I can't alienate these women, I need body count at the temple. (unknown)
  • Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: What's the story of Sodom and Gomorrah really about? Anyone? Steve Posner.
    Steve Posner: Sexual perversion.
    Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Sexual perversion. Steve Posner's watching too much Spice Channel! (unknown)
  • Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Greta Nussbaum, before she pulls her rotator cuff. (unknown)
  • Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: [talking about the Ein Keloheinu] Excuse me, Raphae, guys, I just have to do this again 'cos it's really been bugging me. Ein Keloheinu. It's a joyous song, a prayer about praising the Lord, telling the Lord how much we love him, or her, but no matter what I do, I can't seem to be able to get you folks to sing it with any feeling. I mean, I brought in the band. That didn't work. I brought in my bongos last week. I think we can all agree that was a backwards step. So this morning, I've brought in a little outside help. (unknown)
  • Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Whoah! Are you seriously telling me that unless you find a nice Jewish girl and settle down in the next six months they're not going to give you this job?
    Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: I'm seriously telling you there has not been a bachelor head rabbi of B'Nei Ezra since the beginning of the synagogue. (unknown)
  • Anna Riley: Can I ask you a question?
    Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Yeah, of course, anything.
    Anna Riley: It's personal, so...
    Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Oh, are we gonna have the sex talk here?
    Anna Riley: Yes, you're my friend and I wanna know how this works for you.
    Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Fire away, you must have a list of questions.
    Anna Riley: Really?
    Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Really?
    Anna Riley: So you... don't. Right?
    Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Right.
    Anna Riley: At all.
    Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: At all.
    Anna Riley: Have you ever, er?
    [getting uncomfortable]
    Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Had sex? Yes.
    Anna Riley: With women.
    Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Yes.
    Anna Riley: So you're not gay.
    Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: No. No.
    Anna Riley: Are you sure?
    Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Yes, but even if I was the rules are the same.
    Anna Riley: Do you miss it?
    Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: No.
    Anna Riley: Are you tempted?
    Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Nah!
    Anna Riley: Oh, admit it. If they changed the rules you'd be psyched. (unknown)
  • Anna Riley: What's happening with Ruth and Ethan?
    Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Oh. Ethan married a Catholic girl and that did not go over well.
    Anna Riley: That's why they're fighting?
    Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: They're not fighting, they're not talking. Two years now no communicado.
    Anna Riley: Are you serious?
    Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Yeah.
    Anna Riley: What? Weren't they really close though?
    Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: As close as Ruth and Jake.
    Anna Riley: That explains a lot.
    Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: You see why tonight was not just a date. (unknown)
  • Anna Riley: I can't Wednesday night, I have a class.
    Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Ok, what are these classes already?
    Anna Riley: I like to try new things sometimes, I don't wanna talk about it, I get embarrassed.
    Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: You shouldn't be embarrassed. A lot of people take... aikido.
    Anna Riley: No.
    Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Line dancing.
    Anna Riley: Not even close.
    Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: What's the big deal, why?
    Anna Riley: Jake.
    Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Feng Shui?
    Anna Riley: No.
    Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: You shouldn't be embarrassed if it's Feng Shui. You know what? Don't tell me, I like the whole mysterioso thing, it turns me on. (unknown)
  • Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: I keep thinking about what you said in seminary, that the life of a priest is hard and if you can see yourself being happy doing anything else you should do that.
    Father Havel: That was my recruitment pitch, which is not bad when you're starting out because it makes you feel like a marine. The truth is you can never tell yourself there is only one thing you could be. If you are a priest or if you marry a woman it's the same challenge. You cannot make a real commitment unless you accept that it's a choice that you keep making again and again and again. (unknown)
  • Anna Riley: I'm gonna miss a lot of things around here. Like Len's endless Howard Stern recountings and of course my Romeo Casanova boy across the way.
    Len: [someone in Casanova's office starts waving a sign] Hey, what is that?
    Anna Riley: I don't know.
    [looks through binoculars]
    Debbie: Who is that?
    Anna Riley: It's Jake.
    Debbie: What's he doing?
    Anna Riley: [He's miming "pick up the phone", she picks up the phone] Anna Riley.
    Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Hi, Anna? Can, can you see me? Cause I can't see you, I'm just looking at a reflection of myself.
    Anna Riley: Jake, I can see you, what are you doing?
    Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: I've been trying to get up there for the last hour but it's like the frigging Pentagon with that T-Bone guy. So I decided to try Mr Casanova here - by the way his name is Howard. Anyway I've been doing some thinking and there are some things I'd like to talk to you about.
    [Debbie switches to speakerphone]
    Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Am I on speakerphone?
    All Anna's colleagues: Hi, Jake!
    Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Hi. Hi. Can I talk to you alone? Can I come over there?
    Anna Riley: No, I think now would be a good time.
    Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Ok. Well, I've been thinking about some of the things you said and you were right.
    Anna Riley: About what?
    Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: About us. About me, especially about me.
    Anna Riley: So what are you saying Jake?
    All Anna's colleagues: Yeah, what are you saying Jake?
    Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: I'm saying I love you. I'm in love with you. And I've been waiting my whole life for someone like you and I'm not gonna let you go. Please don't go. Anna, I'm not gonna let you go.
    [pause]
    Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Could we hang up the phone maybe. (unknown)
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