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Quotes of Movie: Keeping the Faith [2000]
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Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Oy.
Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Amen to your oy. (unknown)
Anna Riley: You don't understand. I have a relationship with my phone, we have a chemistry together, I can't explain it. (unknown)
Jacob: God was showing off when he made you. (unknown)
Indian Bartender: May those who love us, love us. And those who don't love us - may God turn their hearts. And if He cannot turn their hearts, may he turn their ankles, so that we may know them by their limping. (unknown)
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Indian Bartender: Let me guess. Your old lady got fed up because you're out here chasing the skirt so she took these little ones and left you.
Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: It's a little more complicated than that.
Indian Bartender: Sure it is. Everyone thinks his story is the one with a twist. Well let me tell you, I've heard just about everything there is to...
[Brian unzips his jacket, revealing his priest's collar]
Indian Bartender: Holy shit.
Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Exactly. (unknown)
Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Sometimes we don't see certain things until we're ready to see them in a certain way. (unknown)
Anna Riley: So this is a rectory. That sounds like a dirty word. Rectory! (unknown)
[Brian, a celibate priest, confesses his love for Anna, to Jake's astonishment]
Jacob: I mean, she's like your sister!
Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Thank you for adding new depth to my confusion. (unknown)
Anna Riley: I work harder than God. If He had hired me, He would have made the world by Thursday. (unknown)
Rachel Rose: Oh my God! The Iraqi defense minister just committed suicide!
Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Ooh!... Is that bad or good? (unknown)
Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Is this a good machine?
Don: [In heavy Oriental accent] Yeah, that one good. If you a cheap bastard! No, that one OK, but if you serious about car - OK, then there only one machine for you. The Audio 2000! This baby got multiple inputs, dual pitch analyzer, so you can change the pitch, if your voice sucks, but I don' need that.
Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: How much does it cost?
Don: [shouts] Price is not important
Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: No, price is very important.
Don: OK, OK, you got me, take me away. It's a little bit expensive, but it's worth it. When you sing, to your girlfriend, and her heart waboom, fall down on the floor, you say Thank you, Don!
Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: How much... does it cost... exactly?
Don: [looks around and speaks in ordinary American accent] Ok, I don't usually do this but you guys seem like a couple of cool guys and I got a nice piece of ass last night. I'm gonna let you have it for $1300.
Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: $1300? Wow. Sorry I'm getting a little hot.
[unzips his jacket to show his priest's collar]
Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: My friend gets a little hot sometimes.
Don: [In normal voice] Oh, man! What is that? Get out of here with that! Is that real?
Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Oh, yeah. (unknown)
Don: [in an thick Asian accent] How you guys doing? I'm Don. Don, rhyme with flon. You have any question?
Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Yes, Yes indeed Don we do. Is this a good machine?
Don: Yeah it is good if you cheap bastard. No jus... jus doing comedy with you. That one is okay. But if you are serious about Kar'-oke.
Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Oh we are!
Don: Okay then... there is only one model for you. The AUDIO 2000. This baby got the 16-bit dual D/A converter, 3 beam checking, digital key controller, so you can change the pitch if your voice sucks. But I don't need that.
Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: That's nice. How much?
Don: Price is not important
Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: No price is very important, actually.
Don: Okay you got me; take me away. Okay it's a lil' bit expensive. But let me tell you, it's worth it. When you sing to your girlfriend.
Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Uh huh.
Don: And her heart thweaaaatt-boom! fall down on the floor, you say thank you Don.
Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: How much does it cost, exactly?
Don: [Motions them over and begins to talk quietly in an American accent] Alright, here's the real deal. Um, I don't usually do this but you guys look like cool guys, and uh, I got a little piece of ass last night, so I am feeling extra generous.
Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Oh!
Don: I'm gonna let you guys have it for $1,300.
Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: $1,300?
Don: Final offer.
Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: uh, excuse me, I just got a little warm.
[unzips jacket to reveal priest's collar]
Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: My friend, he gets, he gets a little warm.
Don: [Sees priest's collar] Oh man! What is that? What is... get out of here with that. Is that real?
Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Oh yeah! (unknown)
Father Havel: I have been a priest over 40 years, and I fell in love at least once every decade. (unknown)
Anna Riley: How is that possible? (unknown)
Anna Riley: Don't you have work?
Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: We're doing a hostile takeover of Congregation Bertov Sholem. (unknown)
Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: I got you something. I almost didn't because I was so mad but this is too good.
Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Holy shit! It's the Rabbi Schlomo Schnurson rookie card! It's like the last in the series! (unknown)
Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: God is a lot like Blanche Du Bois. (unknown)
Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: It's customary to sneak out after communion. (unknown)
Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: The truth is, I don't really learn that much about your faith by asking questions like that... because those aren't really questions about faith, those are questions about religion. And it's very important to understand the difference between religion and faith. Because faith is not about having the right answers. Faith is a feeling. Faith is a hunch, really. It's a hunch that there is something bigger connecting it all... connecting us all together. And that feeling, that hunch, is God. And coming here tonight, on your Sunday evening... to connect with that feeling, that is an act of faith. And so all I have to do is look around the room at this packed church... to know that we're doing pretty well as a community. Even if all of you failed my pop quiz miserably. (unknown)
Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Who is the coolest woman you and I have ever known, ever.
Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: That's easy. Anna Reilly, eighth grade. No question.
Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: You got it.
Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: What? She called you? Anna Reilly called you?
Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Yeah. Totally out of the blue.
Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Why?
Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: 'Cause she's coming to New York, uh, for work... and she wanted to get together with us. She just looked me up.
Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Really? Anna Reilly. What is she doing now?
Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: She - She's, like, analyzing synergies, or synergising analogies, or, or some such thing. I couldn't follow it. She's, like, this very high-powered business - You know.
Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Woman?
Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Woman, yes. Thank you.
Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Wow. And you told her about us?
Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Yeah. She flipped, in a - in a good way. You know, I mean, she laughed for about ten minutes, but she was excited.
Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Man, that is so cool.
Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: I know.
Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: I wonder why she called you.
Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: What do you mean?
Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: No, I mean, she called you.
Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: What, are you in the eighth grade still?
Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: What? That's a legitimate question. I just - I mean, we're both listed.
Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Finn before Schram, okay? You're ridiculous.
Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: That's a good point. Alphabetical. (unknown)
Anna Riley: People should have to qualify to go out with you. You're too precious to be on the open market. (unknown)
Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: You're not gonna tell me what to do here, are you. (unknown)
Anna Riley: Rachel Rose. Yeah. When's that going down?
Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Thursday.
Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Thursday night, 8p.m., dinner.
Anna Riley: Are you excited?
Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Yeah. I have a pretty good feeling.
Anna Riley: Where are you taking her?
Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: I don't know. I thought, uh, Ernie's.
Anna Riley: Ernie's? You can't take her to Ernie's. Ernie's has been around since we were kids. You might as well take her to Houlihan's. You cannot take Rachel Rose to Ernie's.
Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Definitely not Ernie's. Definitely not. Mm-mmm. Uh-oh.
Anna Riley: No, you gotta take her someplace new and hot.
Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: No, hot. Definitely hot.
Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Well, what's - Okay, what's new and hot?
Anna Riley: What do we know about this girl?
Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Rachel Rose, 29 years old, Columbia School of Journalism. Middle East affairs expert.
Anna Riley: Perfect. Middle Eastern. She can order in Arabic. Give her a chance to shine. What's a good place?
Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Delphini's. Definitely Delphini's. Four stars, New York Times. Definitely Delphini's. Need a reservation. Delphini's.
Anna Riley: Now, are you gonna wear a suit, or are you gonna go cas'?
Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: I don't know. I don't know. I hadn't thought about it. I guess cas'.
Anna Riley, Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: No, suit.
Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Definitely suit. Definitely...
Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Hey, shut up, Rain Man. Seriously. Enough, all right? Now you're making me think about this.
Anna Riley: Oh, relax. You'll do great. (unknown)
Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: There's a reason you gotta do your haftorah at this age. (unknown)
Anna Riley: I thought I'd got the Tony Robbins hotline by mistake. (unknown)
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Movie: Keeping the Faith [2000] | [2] | [3]
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