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Quotes of Movie: Juno [2007]
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Rollo: Well, well... If it isn't MacGuff the crime dog! Back for another test?
Juno MacGuff: I think the last one was defective. The plus sign looked more like a division sign. I remain unconvinced.
[Rollo pulls the bathroom key out of reach]
Rollo: This is your third test today, Mama Bear. Your eggo is preggo, no doubt about it.
Tough Girl: [to Juno] It's easy to tell. Is your nipples real brown?
Rollo: Maybe your boyfriend's got mutant sperms. Knocked ya up twice. (unknown)
Steve Rendazo: Hey, your book fell apart!
Juno MacGuff: Right?
Steve Rendazo: It must've looked at your face! (unknown)
Mac MacGuff: Liberty Bell, if you put one more Baco on that potato, I'm gonna kick your little monkey butt. (unknown)
Su-Chin: I'm having a little trouble concentrating.
Juno MacGuff: Oh well I could sell you some of my Adderall if you want.
Su-Chin: No thanks I'm off pills.
Juno MacGuff: That's a wise choice because I knew this girl who like had this crazy freak out because she took too many behavioral meds at once and she like ripped off her clothes, and dove into the fountain at Ridgedale Mall and was like, "Blah I am a Kracken from the sea!"
Su-Chin: I heard that was you.
Juno MacGuff: Well, it was good seeing ya Su-Chin. (unknown)
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Juno MacGuff: ...and the receptianist tried to get me to take these condoms that looked like grape suckers and was just babbling away about her freaking boyfiends pie balls! Oh an Su-Chin was there and she was like, "Hi babies have fingernails." Fingernails!
Leah: Oh, gruesome. I wonder if the baby's claws could scratch your vag on the way out? (unknown)
Leah: All right, how about this one? 'Healthy, educated couple seeking infant to join our family of five. You will be compensated. Help us complete the circle of love.'
Juno MacGuff: Yeesh, they sound like a cult, is what the sound like! And besides they already have three kids. They're just like greedy little bitches! (unknown)
Mac MacGuff: I thought you were the kind of girl who knew when to say when.
Juno MacGuff: I don't know what kind of girl I am. (unknown)
Juno MacGuff: So have you and Vanessa thought of a name for the baby yet?
Mark Loring: Well, sort of. Vanessa likes Madison for a girl.
Juno MacGuff: [aghast] Madison? That is so... GAY! (unknown)
Leah: God you're getting huge. How many months has it been now?
Juno MacGuff: Um it’s coming up on the ninth. You should see me naked.
Leah: I wish my funbags would get bigger.
Juno MacGuff: Trust me, you don't. I actually have to wear a bra now and I have to rub this nasty cocoa butter stuff all over myself or my skin could get stretched too far and explode.
Leah: Hot! (unknown)
Juno MacGuff: I'm losing my faith in humanity.
Mac MacGuff: Think you can narrow it down for me?
Juno MacGuff: I guess I wonder sometimes if people ever stay together for good.
Mac MacGuff: You mean like couples?
Juno MacGuff: Yeah, like people in love.
Mac MacGuff: Are you having boy troubles? I gotta be honest; I don't much approve of dating in your condition, 'cause well... that's kind of messed up.
Juno MacGuff: Dad, no!
Mac MacGuff: Well, it's kind of skanky. Isn't that what you girls call it? Skanky? Skeevy?
Juno MacGuff: Please stop now.
Mac MacGuff: [persisting] Tore up from the floor up?
Juno MacGuff: Dad, it's not about that. I just need to know if it's possible for two people to stay happy together forever, or at least for a few years.
Mac MacGuff: It's not easy, that's for sure. Now, I may not have the best track record in the world, but I have been with your stepmother for 10 years now and I'm proud to say that we're very happy.
[Juno nods]
Mac MacGuff: In my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person will still think the sun shines out your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with.
Juno MacGuff: I sort of already have.
Mac MacGuff: Well, of course! You're old D-A-D! You know I'll always be there to love and support you no matter what kind of pickle you're in... Obviously
[nods to her belly]
Juno MacGuff: I need to go out somewhere just for a little while. I don't have any homework and I swear I'll be back by ten.
Mac MacGuff: You were talking about me right? (unknown)
Juno MacGuff: And Bleeker is actually great... in chair. (unknown)
Juno MacGuff: Ow, ow, fuckity-ow! Bren, when do I get that spinal tap thing?
Bren: It's called a spinal block. And you can't have it yet, honey. The doctor said you're not dilated enough.
Juno MacGuff: You mean I have to wait for it to get worse? Why can't they just give it to me now?
Bren: Well, honey, doctors are sadists who like to play God and watch lesser people scream...
[Juno lets out painful scream, Brenda checks her watch]
Bren: Shit.
[to doctor]
Bren: Hey, can we get my kid the damn spinal tap already? (unknown)
Paulie Bleeker: I've wanted this for a really long time.
Juno MacGuff: I know.
Paulie Bleeker: [exhales] Wizard. (unknown)
Juno MacGuff: My dad had this weird obsession with Roman or Greek mythology or something and he decided to name me after Zeus' wife.
Mark Loring: Zeus' wife?
Juno MacGuff: Yeah and I mean Zeus had tons of lays but I'm pretty sure Juno was his only wife. And apparently she was supposed to be super beautiful but really mean, like Diana Ross. (unknown)
Paulie Bleeker: Did you put like, a hundred things of tic-tacs in my mailbox?
Juno MacGuff: ...Um, yeah, that was me.
Paulie Bleeker: Why?
Juno MacGuff: ...Well you know, because they're your fav - and I figured you could never have enough of your favorite one calorie breath mints. (unknown)
Juno MacGuff: Silencio, Old Man! (unknown)
Mac MacGuff: Whats that thing?
Vanessa Loring: It's a Pilates machine.
Mac MacGuff: What do you make with it?
Vanessa Loring: Oh you don't make anything with it, its for exercise.
Mac MacGuff: Oh. My wife ordered one of those Tony Little Gazelles off the television... I don't know about that guy. He doesn't look right. (unknown)
Vanessa Loring: What's wrong? Why are you crying?
Juno MacGuff: I'm not crying, I'm just allergic to fine home furnishing. (unknown)
Juno MacGuff: I named my guitar "Roosevelt"-not Ted, Franklin. You know, the cute one, with polio. (unknown)
Juno MacGuff: I need to know that it's possible that two people can stay happy together forever. (unknown)
Juno MacGuff: [voice over] When I see them all running like that, with their things bouncing around in their shorts, I always picture them naked, even if I don't want to. All i see is pork swords. (unknown)
Juno MacGuff: Ick! I don't want to give my baby to a couple who describes themselves as "wholesome." I was looking for, maybe, a thirty-something graphic designer with a cool Asian girlfriend who kicks ass on the bass guitar, but I don't know, I don't wanna get too particular. (unknown)
Juno MacGuff: Are you honestly and truly going to prom with Katrina Devore?
Paulie Bleeker: Uhh... hi... (unknown)
Juno MacGuff: Your little girlfriend gave me the stinkeye in art class yesterday.
Paulie Bleeker: Katrina's not my girlfriend alright? And I doubt she gave you the stinkeye that's just how her face looks, you know? That's just her face. (unknown)
Juno MacGuff: [showing ultrasound photo] It's a baby. It's your baby. It kinda looks like it's waving, you know, like it's saying, "Hey Vanessa, will you be my mom?"
Vanessa Loring: Aww, it kind of does. (unknown)
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Movie: Juno [2007] | [2] | [3]
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