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Quotes of Movie: Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back [2001]
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Matt Damon: Just take it from "It's a good course."
Ben Affleck: Oh, now you're the director.
Matt Damon: Hey shove it, Bounce-boy. Let's remember who talked who into doing this shit in the first place. Talking me into Dogma was one thing, but this...
Ben Affleck: Hey look, I'm sorry I dragged you away from whatever-gay-serial-killers-who-ride-horses-and-like-to-play-golf-touchy-feely-picture you're supposed to be doing this week.
Matt Damon: I take it you haven't seen Forces of Nature?
Ben Affleck: You're like a child. What've I been telling you? You gotta do the safe picture. Then you can do the art picture. But then sometimes you gotta do the payback picture because your friend says you owe him.
[They both take a beat and look at the camera]
Ben Affleck: And sometimes, you have to go back to the well.
Matt Damon: And sometimes, you do Reindeer Games.
Ben Affleck: See, that's just mean. (unknown)
Randal Graves: See? I told you that restraining order was a good idea. (unknown)
Banky: Well, you're rich, you're in love
[to Jay]
Banky: Well, *you're* in love. And you've both got your own monkey. What more could two guys from New Jersey want?
Jay: Well, to have all these fucks stop talking shit about us on the Internet.
Banky: What've I been telling you? There's nothing you can do about it. Unless you show up at all their houses and beat the shit out of them. (unknown)
Whillenholly: Why are you shooting at me? I'm just a Federal Wildlife Marshall.
Chrissy: Two reasons. One: we're walking, talking, bad girl cliches.
Missy: And two: because you're a man.
Whillenholly: Only on the outside. (unknown)
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Holden: Nothing. The Internet has given everybody in America a voice. For some reason, everybody decides to use that voice to bitch about movies. (unknown)
Jay: [to Silent Bob] I said you LOVE the cock. I must be the craftiest motherfucker alive. (unknown)
Jay: Man, who the fuck steals a monkey?
[Silent Bob points at the two of them]
Jay: Oh, yeah. (unknown)
Randal Graves: See? If you were funnier than that, ABC wouldn't have cancelled us. (unknown)
[contemplating whether to pull his dick out on Justice]
Devil Jay: [appears on his shoulder] What the fuck are you waiting for? She went for the set up, just reach in and pull your dick out. Girls like that shit.
[a second devil pops in on Jay's other shoulder]
Devil Jay 2: Right about here is where the angel is supposed to show up and tell you NOT to pull your dick out. But we BITCH-slapped that mother fucker and sent him packing. So it's smooth sailing from here. Let 'er rip, boy. (unknown)
Jay: [singing] I can't believe I'm gonna get some pussy for stealin' the monkey.
[laughs]
Jay: Stealin' the little monkey. Man, if I woulda known that, I would have been stealin' monkeys since I was like, seven and shit. (unknown)
Chaka's Production Assistant: Here's your coffee sir.
Chaka: Did you spit in it?
Chaka's Production Assistant: I didn't spit in it sir.
Chaka: Any boogers in it?
Chaka's Production Assistant: There's no boogers in it sir.
Chaka: You went to film school didn't you? Must piss you off to see a black man runnin' a big old production like this, huh? Went to film school. Does your daddy know you give a nigga his coffee? Must kill him, doesn't it!
Chaka's Production Assistant: There's no boogers in it sir.
Chaka: Then taste it. Taste the booger flavor. I know it's in there! (unknown)
Chaka: I film this shit, I yell cut and then I get the fuck outta here back to my trailer, because I got more white girls in there than the first lifeboat of the Titanic, and they all want a part in my movie, and I got just the part for 'em! (unknown)
Shannen Doherty: Fucking Miramax! Cut!
Wes Craven: Shannen, I usually say cut.
Shannen Doherty: A monkey? Wes? Jesus, you're not even trying anymore are you?
Wes Craven: The Market research says that people love monkeys.
[Jay and Silent Bob run in and grab the monkey]
Jay: WE LOVE THIS MONKEY!
[to a crew member]
Jay: Do something.
Wes Craven: See? (unknown)
Jay: So all we's gotta do is stop this fuckin' movie from getting made!
Holden: Yeah, and forego the hundreds of thousands of dollars you would be entitled to in the process. What are you, fucking retarded? I mean, I don't think I'm alone in the world in imagining this flick may be the worst idea since Greedo shooting first. You know it, but... a Jay and Silent Bob movie? Feature length? Who'd pay to see that?
[Holden, Jay, and Bob look into the camera] (unknown)
Chaka: Duck, pie fucker! Damn, these white boys can't fight. (unknown)
James Van Der Beek: [about "Dawson's Creek"] You actually watch that show?
Jay: Yeah, for Joey, man. She is too fine. Did you ever get to 3rd base with her?
James Van Der Beek: Well, actually there was this one time... (unknown)
Willenholly: [while masturbating to donkey / girl porn] Oh Yeah! Oh Yeah! You chug that ass cock, baby. You need two hands. Oh, you like that, MULE. Mules are... GOOD! (unknown)
Hitchhiker: [explaining why he gives head for rides] Have you seen the price of bus tickets lately. There's no way I'm gonna cough up 200 bucks just to get to Chicago.
Jay: Fuck that, I don't wanna cough up some dude's sperm.
Hitchhiker: Don't be so suburban. It's the new millennium. Gay, straight... it's all the same now. There are no more lines. (unknown)
Jay: You know, maybe one night me and Lunch Box are out we're mackin' some chick and shit, and she's, like, "Ooh, I want to suck youse guys' dicks off," and she's, like, "What your names?" And I'm, like, "Jay and Silent Bob." Reco'nize. And she's like, "Oh, I've read on the Internet that fuckin' youse guys are a couple of little fuckin' jerkoffs." And then she goes and sucks two other guys' dicks off instead. Well, FUCK that. (unknown)
Steve-Dave Pulasti: [at Brodie's Secret Stash] Boy, Walt. This store sure does suck ass, doesn't it?
Walt "Fanboy" Grover: Tell him, Steve-Dave.
Brodie: You're both banned.
Steve-Dave Pulasti: Holy Shit. Un-ban us. This guy'll suck your dick.
Brodie: I'm sure he will.
Walt "Fanboy" Grover: [Steve-Dave is forcing him onto his knees] NO! (unknown)
[believing Jay and Silent Bob to be their stunt doubles]
Jason Biggs: You're doubling me, obviously. I play Bluntman, aka Silent Bill.
James Van Der Beek: Bob.
Jason Biggs: Right. And he's playing Chronic, aka Ray.
James Van Der Beek: Jay. Fuck, Biggs, did you even READ the script?
Jason Biggs: There's a script?
James Van Der Beek: Listen, Potzer!
Jason Biggs: There's a script for this movie?
James Van Der Beek: You wouldn't last A DAY on the Creek. A day.
Jason Biggs: Fuck you and your Dawson's Crap! Go to hell, Pacey! Go to hell!
James Van Der Beek: At least call me by the right fucking character. (unknown)
Jay: If today is Tuesday and the movie starts filming on Friday, we have...
[counting his fingers, holds up ten]
Jay: ...eight days.
Holden: Uh, three by my count, but close.
Jay: Right. My bad. Three days to stop that fucking movie from getting made. Come on, Silent Bob. We're going to Hollywood! (unknown)
Willam Black: [staring up at the Bluntman and Chronic marquee] That's beautiful, man. (unknown)
[singing outside the Stop N Go]
Jay: I'm gonna finger-bang her tight little asshole / Finger-bang and tea-bag my balls / Where, where, in her mouth / Balls a-plenty in her mouth / Balls Balls Sweaty Balls (unknown)
Steve Kmetko: Rumor is Ben Affleck and Matt Damon are working on a super secret project on the lot. Have you seen them roaming around?
Jules Asner: No, Steve. But I did see Casey Affleck buying a soda from a concession stand. (unknown)
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Movie: Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back [2001] | [2] | [3] | [4] | [5]
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