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Quotes of Movie: Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back [2001]
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Jay: Miramax? I thought they only did classy pictures, like "The Piano" and "The Crying Game".
Brodie: Yeah, but then they made "She's All That" and it went downhill from there. (unknown)
Jay: Tickets? Since when did they start charging for the bus? Didn't we used to ride that shit to school every morning for free? (unknown)
[the Scooby gang are arguing amongst themselves]
Jay: Yo! You guys need to turn those frowns upside down. And I got just the thing for that.
[pulls out a bag of rolled up joints]
Jay: We call them... Doobie Snax. (unknown)
Jason Biggs: No. I, I love gay people.
James Van Der Beek: Yeah, I'll bet you do.
Jason Biggs: No, I'm fine with gay...
[Jason Biggs notices the orangutan]
Jason Biggs: Oh, look at the monkey.
James Van Der Beek: Now you're gonna tell me the monkey's gay.
Jason Biggs: Well, how do you know he doesn't smoke monkey pole? (unknown)
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Jay: What's twistin' this bitches tit?
Justice: Maybe it's because girls don't like to be called bitches, Jay.
Jay: They don't? How 'bout "fine piece of ass"?
Justice: How about not.
Jay: Then what the fuck am I supposed to call you?
Justice: Something sweet, ya big goof. Something nice.
Jay: Boo boo kitty fuck?
Justice: That's... a start. (unknown)
[Jay and Silent Bob are hitchhiking on a road late at night]
Jay: I can't belive this shit. Five hours and not a single ride. Every day people hitch to Hollywood to stop studios from making films about 'em, but when you and me try it, it's like we're trapped in a fuckin' cartoon.
[the Mystery Machine van from the Scooby Doo cartoons pulls up alongside Jay and Silent Bob] (unknown)
Jay: It's a Miramax flick. We gotta bust up some people who were calling us names on the internet, even thought they're not really talking about us but characters based on us, and at the same time find my ex-girlfriend-who-was-killed-by-a-car-explosion's monkey.
Pumpkin Escobar: Man... I don't know what the FUCK you just said, Little Kid, but you're special man, you reached out, and you touch a brother's heart. (unknown)
Jay: [after tossing Brent out of the van] Now who's stupid, you dirty sheep fucker?
Brent: I would *never* fuck a sheep!
[sees a sheep in a nearby field]
Brent: Hey there. How you doing?
[reaches for a condom]
Brent: I *love* animals.
[goes for the sheep] (unknown)
Jay: Hey, lawdog.
[Willenholly realizes Jay & Silent Bob didn't jump]
Whillenholly: Aww, Fuck Meeeee!.
Jay: See you in hell, cocksmoker! (unknown)
[first lines]
Silent Bob's Mother: Bobby Boy, stay here while mommy picks up the free cheese, kay? Here, this will keep the sun out of your eyes.
[puts a baseball cap on his head backwards]
Silent Bob's Mother: You be good, now.
[walks in store, then Jay and his Mom arrive]
Jay's Mother: Alright, don't you fuckin' move you little shit machine. Your Momma's going to try to score.
Passerby: What the hell? 'Scuse me. Who's watching these babies?
Jay's Mother: Uh... the fat one's watchin the little one?
Passerby: Oh yeah, nice parenting. Leave 'em out here like that and see what happens.
Jay's Mother: YO, FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING SQUARE!
Passerby: Oh yeah, keep on truckin'!
Jay's Mother: [to infant Jay] Did ya hear that fuckin' guy tellin' me how to fuckin' raise ya? What a motherfucker, man! Who the fuck does that fuckin' guy think he is? What's the worst fuckin' thing that can fuckin' happen to ya just standing outside a fuckin' store, right? Fuck!
[Jay's mother walks into the record store, leaving infant Jay and Silent Bob in their strollers]
Baby Jay: [his first words] Fuck... fuck... fuck... fuck... (unknown)
[last lines]
Jay: [clears throat] And I'll be, like, "What, you don't know fuckin' Jay and Silent Bob? The fuckin' mack daddys of fuckin' Jersey?" And she'll be, like, "Oh, I've read on the Internet that youse guys are a couple of little
[emphatically to Silent Bob]
Jay: fuckholes!"
[both laugh] (unknown)
[to Jay]
Brent: What's your damage, little boy? You've got a sick and twisted world perspective. (unknown)
Jay: So your in this for the pussy right?
Brent: No, I'm in this because I LOOOVE animals, stupid?
Jay: Even Sheep?
Brent: Of course. Sheep are beautiful creatures.
Jay: So would you fuck a sheep?
Brent: What is your damage, little boy. You have a sick and twisted world perspective.
Jay: No, you're misunderstaning me, Prince Valiant. I'm saying if you were a sheep, would you fuck a sheep, if you were another sheep?
Brent: Well, in that case, you bet your sweet ass I would.
Jay: Thought so.
[Yelling]
Jay: Yo, this motherfucker ain't one of us. He said he'd fuck a sheep!
Brent: No! No! No!
Jay: [Throws Brent out the door of the van, flips him off as he's looking out the door as they're still driving] WHO'S STUPID NOW, DIRTY SHEEP FUCKER! (unknown)
Chaka: Do you know that I came up with the idea for Sesame Street? I came up with it before PBS. The white man stole it. That's right. I was gonna call it "N.W.P." - Niggaz With Puppets. Catchy, ain't it? (unknown)
Willenholly: Oh my God. I'm paralyzed! That monkey shot me in the ass and paralyzed me! Oh sweet irony!
Justice: You're not paralyzed. It was just a tranquilizer. (unknown)
Jay: Yo baby, you ever had your asshole licked by a fat man in an overcoat? (unknown)
[after the "Bluntman & Chronic" premiere]
Banky: God, I'm so embarrassed.
Hooper: You should be. They took your intellectual property and turned it into one 90-minute long gay joke. It was like watching "Batman & Robin" all over again. (unknown)
[Willenholly and the Utah police confront Jay and Silent Bob]
Sheriff: Are you fucking crazy? Now they may be gay, but that's not their son. That's the ape.
Whillenholly: I think I would recognize an ape if I saw one, okay? And the only thing I do recognize right now is the political fiasco I'm about to avoid here by letting this butt-fucking Brady Bunch go. (unknown)
Jay: Die, you super-monkey fuck. (unknown)
[the C.L.I.T. is being discussed on TV]
Holden: Nights like this... I miss dating a lesbian. (unknown)
Whillenholly: We don't want to rub the C.L.I.T. the wrong way. (unknown)
[on his cell phone]
Whillenholly: Plaschke, this is Willenholly. I need you to get me on the national news, pronto. Why? Because we may very well be dealing with the two most dangerous men on the planet. (unknown)
Brodie: And on that note, we cue the music. (unknown)
Jay: Just call me Darth Balls... Bong. (unknown)
Scooby Doo: Hi, Ray and Rirent Rob.
[Scooby laugh] (unknown)
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Movie: Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back [2001] | [2] | [3] | [4] | [5]
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