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Quotes of Movie: Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back [2001]
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Jay: Yo lunchbox, hurry it up. (unknown)
Sissy: Y'know, I don't get you, Justice. You used to be into all this girl stuff. Stealing, boning, blowing shit up, and now you're like this little priss with a conscience. It's really a fucking drag. (unknown)
Jay: I am the master of the C.L.I.T. Remember this fucking face. Whenever you see C.L.I.T., you'll see this fucking face. I make that shit work. It does whatever the fuck I tell it to. No one rules the C.L.I.T like me. Not this little fuck
[referring to Silent Bob]
Jay: , none of you little fucks out there. I AM THE C.L.I.T. COMMANDER! Remember that, commander of all C.L.I.T.s! When it comes down to business, this is what I do. I pinch it like this. OOH you little fuck. Then I rub my nose with it. (unknown)
Holden: If the buzz is any indicator, that movie's gonna make some huge bank.
Jay: What buzz?
Holden: The Internet buzz.
Jay: What the fuck is the Internet?
Holden: The Internet is a communication tool used the world over where people can come together to bitch about movies and share pornography with one another. (unknown)
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Banky: Stop the movie? What are you, crazy?
Jay: All these assholes on the internet are calling us names because of this stupid fucking movie.
Banky: That's what the internet is for. Slandering others anonymously. Stopping the flick isn't gonna stop that.
Jay: This isn't fair. We came to Hollywood, I fell in love. Fuckin', we got shot at, we stole a monkey, and I got punched in the motherfucking nuts by a guy named Cock-Knocker.
Banky: You know what? I feel for you boys, I really do, but Miramax - you know, Miramax Films - paid me a shitload of money for Bluntman and Chronic. So it occurs to me that people badmouthing you on some website, is NONE OF MY FUCKING CONCERN!
Silent Bob: Oh, but I think it is... We had a deal with you, on the comics remember, for likeness rights, and as we're not only the artistic basis, but also obviously the character basis, for your intellectual property, Bluntman and Chronic. When said property was optioned by Miramax Films, you were legally obliged to secure our permission to transfer the concept to another medium. As you failed to do that, Banky, you are in breach of the original contract, ergo you find yourself in a very actionable position.
Jay: Yeah. (unknown)
Tricia Jones: [on "Bluntman and Chronic: The Movie"] Well! That was just another paean to male adolescence and it's refusal to grow up.
Alyssa Jones: Yeah, sis. But it was better than "Mallrats". At least Holden had the good sense to leave his name off of it.
Tricia Jones: Why didn't Miramax option his other comic instead. You know, the one about you and him and your "relationship"?
Alyssa Jones: Oh, "Chasing Amy"? That would never work as a movie. (unknown)
Jay: Do they say who's fuckin' playing us in the movie?
Holden: No, but it's Miramax. So I'm sure it'll be Ben Affleck and Matt Damon. They put those guys in a bunch of movies.
Jay: Who?
Holden: You know, those kids from Good Will Hunting?
Jay: You mean that fuckin' movie with Mork from Ork in it?
Holden: Yeah, I wasn't a big fan either... but Affleck was the bomb in "Phantoms".
Jay: Word, bitch, Phantoms like a mallfucker. (unknown)
Jay: Affleck, you the *bomb* in Phantoms yo! (unknown)
Chaka's Production Assistant: [after asked to get a new clean latte] Here's your coffee sir, booger-free.
Chaka Luther King: [slaps it out his hands] Get that shit the fuck out of here. (unknown)
Ben Affleck: [ready to act but haven't heard "Action"] So? Action, Gus or what?
Gus Van Sant: Christ, Ben, I said I'm busy. (unknown)
Whillenholly: It may not be my way, but damn if there doesn't go one happy family. All right, gang, let's just shoot some tear gas into the diner, and then when the guys come out with the monkey, we'll... Fuckbeans. That was them, wasn't it? (unknown)
Jay: [the monkey has been put into a car] Man, who the fuck steals monkeys?
Silent Bob: [Points to Jay and himself]
Jay: Oh yeah... (unknown)
Jay: In a world gone mad, we will not spank the monkey, but the monkey will spank us. (unknown)
Reg Hartner: And we do want to say to the people at home, the clit is not something to be played with. (unknown)
Brodie: Oh my God. Don't tell me you have no idea there's a movie being made of the comic you two were the basis for.
Jay: What? Since when?
Brodie: See, here's the pulse. And this is your finger, far away from the pulse, jammed straight up your ass. Say, would you like a chocolate covered pretzel? (unknown)
[typing a message on an internet chat room]
Jay: All you motherfuckers are gonna pay. You are the ones who are the ball-lickers. We're gonna fuck your mothers while you watch and cry like little bitches. Once we get to Hollywood and find those Miramax fucks who are making that movie, we're gonna make 'em eat our shit, then shit out our shit, then eat their shit which is made up of our shit that we made 'em eat. Then you're all you motherfucks are next. Love, Jay and Silent Bob. (unknown)
Jay: Ladies, Ladies, Ladies, Jay and Silent Bob are in the hizzouse! (unknown)
Jay: Zoinks, yo! (unknown)
Jay: I hope one rips the other one's shirt off and we see some fuckin titties floppin around, yeah! (unknown)
Justice: Hi, I'm Justice.
Jay: And I'm so fucking yours.
[Justice is almost repulsed when Jay makes a quick save]
Jay: Oh, Hi, I'm Jay and this is my hetero-life-mate, Silent Bob.
Justice: It's nice to meet you.
Jay: Justice, that's a nice name...
[aside]
Jay: Jay and Justice sitting in a tree, f-u-c-k-i-n-g... (unknown)
[Justice and Sissy are engaged in a fist-fight]
Sissy: Your shit is really getting tired, Justice.
Justice: Call me 'Boo-Boo-Kitty-Fuck', bitch. (unknown)
Jay: Hey. Get the fuck off her. That's my ex-girlfriend's monkey. (unknown)
Willenholly: Put the monkey down, and your hands up. Let's go, misters. Do you want to get shot? I didn't think so.
Jay: Look, man. She doesn't want to go back to the lab. And for the record, I ain't gay.
Willenholly: And for the record, while we're one the subject, I knew that wasn't a real little boy.
Jay: And for one more record, he loves the cock. (unknown)
Missy: Oh my god, he just called Sissy 'Juggs'.
Chrissy: I'm on it.
[pulls out knife]
Jay: What's with the knife, we havin' cake or something?
Chrissy: Great, he's retarded to boot.
Jay: [to Silent Bob] Dude, she called you retarded. (unknown)
Jay: Holy fuck, is that monkey waving at us? Oh, shit, It understood us! Maybe it's some kind of supermonkey. What if there's more supermonkeys up at that lab?
[shouts]
Jay: What if they're creating an army of them? Holy shit. It must be a conspiracy like in the X-Files... *Roswell* style! This little monkey could be the fuckin' damn dirty ape responsible for the fall of the human race. In this world gone mad, we won't spank the monkey- the monkey will spank us. And after the fall of man, these monkey fucks'll start wearing our clothes and rebuilding the world in their image. Oh and only those as super smart as me will be left alive to bitterly cry - *you maniacs*! Damn yous! Goddamn yous all to hell! (unknown)
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Movie: Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back [2001] | [2] | [3] | [4] | [5]
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