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Quotes of Movie: Idiocracy [2006]
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Frito: Go away! 'Batin'! (unknown)
Pvt. Joe Bowers: [addressing Congress] ... great films, with plots! Where you cared about whose ass it was, and why it was farting! (unknown)
Costco Greeter: [Greeting every customer] Welcome to Costco, I love you. (unknown)
Doctor: [Laughs] Right, kick ass. Well, don't want to sound like a dick or nothin', but, ah... it says on your chart that you're fucked up. Ah, you talk like a fag, and your shit's all retarded. What I'd do, is just like... like... you know, like, you know what I mean, like... (unknown)
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Carl's Jr. Computer: Enjoy your EXTRA BIG ASS FRIES!
Woman at Carl's Jr.: You didn't give me no fries, I got an empty box.
Carl's Jr. Computer: Would you like another EXTRA BIG ASS FRIES?
Woman at Carl's Jr.: I said I didn't get any!
Carl's Jr. Computer: Thank you! Your account has been charged. Your balance is zero. Please come back when you can afford to make a purchase.
Woman at Carl's Jr.: What? NO!
[She hits the machine. An alarm goes off, and a sign appears on the computer saying "Carl's Jr. Frowns Upon Vandalism."]
Carl's Jr. Computer: I'm sorry you're having trouble. I'm sorry you're having trouble.
Woman at Carl's Jr.: My kids are starvin'!
Carl's Jr. Computer: [the woman kicks the computer, and it sprays a chloroform-like substance in her face, knocking her out] This should help you calm down. Please come back when you can afford to make a purchase. Your kids are starving. Carl's Jr. believes that no child should go hungry. You are an unfit mother. Your children will be placed in the custody of Carl's Jr. Carl's Jr...Fuck You, I'm Eating."
[Joe approaches the computer]
Carl's Jr. Computer: Welcome to Carl's Jr. Would you like to try our EXTRA BIG ASS TACO? Now with more MOLECULES! (unknown)
Officer Collins: [addressing military brass] You see, a pimp's love is very different from that of a square. (unknown)
Rita: Can you take me there?
Rita: [Points at TV where Monday Night Rehab is showing]
Rita: [Frito lifts Rita to TV]
Rita: Not here you fucking moron - there! (unknown)
[Billboard Ad]: If you don't smoke Tarryltons... Fuck You! (unknown)
Doctor: Don't worry scrote. There are plenty of 'tards out there living really kick ass lives. My first wife was 'tarded. She's a pilot now. (unknown)
Frito: [Acting as Joe's public defender] It says here you robbed a hospital. Why'd you do that?
Pvt. Joe Bowers: I'm not guilty!
Frito: That's not what the other lawyer said. (unknown)
Judge Hank "The Hangman" BMW: Now prosecutor, why you think he done it?
Prosecutor: 'Kay. Number one your honor, just look at him. And B, we've got all this, like, evidence, of how, like, this guy didn't even pay at the hospital. And I heard that he doesn't even have his tattoo.
[crowd boos]
Prosecutor: I know! And I'm all, 'you've gotta be shittin' me!' But check this out man, judge should be like
[bangs fist on table]
Prosecutor: 'guilty!' Peace. (unknown)
Pvt. Joe Bowers: I just need you to tell me how to get to the time machine.
Frito: Oh, that's easy. You go down by the museum and stuff... It's like- it's, like, by the museum... Sorta by... Actually, not really. More like on the street, you go, um... Wait, let me start over. Okay, you know where the time machine is? (unknown)
Female Reporter: It started off boring and slow with Not Sure trying to bullshit everyone with a bunch of smart talk: 'Blah blah blah. You gotta believe me!' That part of the trial sucked! But then the Chief J. just went off. He said, 'Man, whatever! The guy's guilty as shit! We all know that.' And he sentenced his ass to one night of rehabilitation. (unknown)
Pvt. Joe Bowers: Today I step into the shoes of a great man, a man by the name of Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho. (unknown)
Frito: I can't believe you like money too. We should hang out. (unknown)
Pvt. Joe Bowers: Man, I could really go for a Starbucks, y'know?
Frito: I don't really think we have time for a handjob, Joe. (unknown)
Doctor in Waiting Room: Clevon is lucky to be alive. He attempted to jump a jet ski from a lake into a swimming pool and impaled his crotch on an iron gate. But thanks to advances in stem cell research and the fine work of Doctors Krenske and Mueller, he should regain full reproductive function again.
Clevon: [in the background] Get your hands off my junk! (unknown)
Carol: Unfortunately, Trevor passed away from a heart attack while masturbating to produce sperm for artificial insemination. But I had some eggs frozen, so just as soon as the right guy comes along... (unknown)
President Camacho: Shit. I know shit's bad right now, with all that starving bullshit, and the dust storms, and we are running out of french fries and burrito coverings. But I got a solution.
South Carolina Representative # 1: That's what you said last time, dipshit!
South Carolina Representative # 2: Yeah, I got a solution, you're a dick! South Carolina, what's up! (unknown)
Pvt. Joe Bowers: [addressing Congress] There was a time when reading wasn't just for fags. And neither was writing. People wrote books and movies. Movies with stories, that made you care about whose ass it was and why it was farting. And I believe that time can come again! (unknown)
Frito: Yah I know this place pretty good, I went to law school here.
Pvt. Joe Bowers: In Costco?
Frito: Yah I couldn't believe it myself, luckily my dad was an alumnus and pulled some strings. (unknown)
Narrator: The years passed, mankind became stupider at a frightening rate. Some had high hopes the genetic engineering would correct this trend in evolution, but sadly the greatest minds and resources where focused on conquering hair loss and prolonging erections. (unknown)
Doctor: Why come you got no tattoo? (unknown)
Narrator: Joe decided that in order to get out of jail, he would have to use his superior diplomacy skills.
Pvt. Joe Bowers: [talking to the prison guard] Hey, uh... I'm actually supposed to be getting out of jail, not going back in...
Prison Guard #2: [hits Joe on the back of the head] You're supposed to be in that line, dumbass!
[he points to the door]
Prison Guard #2: Hey, guys, let this dumbass out! (unknown)
Narrator: [Time Masheen starts] We're gonna take you back, to the year 1939 when Charlie Chaplin and his nazi regime enslaved Europe and tried to take over the world...
Narrator: ...But then an even greater force emerged, the U.N.
[pronounced "un"]
Narrator: and the U.N. un-nazied the world - forever. (unknown)
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Movie: Idiocracy [2006]
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