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Quotes of Movie: Dumb & Dumber [1994]

  • Lloyd: So where are you headin'?
    Mary: Aspen.
    Lloyd: Hmmm, California! Beautiful! (unknown)
  • Lloyd: I'll bet you twenty dollars I can get you gambling before the day is out!
    Harry: No!
    Lloyd: I'll give you three to one odds.
    Harry: No.
    Lloyd: Five to one.
    Harry: No.
    Lloyd: Ten to one?
    Harry: You're on!
    Lloyd: I'm gonna get ya!
    Harry: Nu uh!
    Lloyd: I don't know how but I'm gonna get ya. (unknown)
  • Harry: Nice set of hooters you got there!
    Mary: I beg your pardon?
    Harry: The owls! They're beautiful! (unknown)
  • [coming out of the 7-11]
    Lloyd: Hey guys. Oh, big gulps huh? All right! Well, see ya later. (unknown)
  • Harry: I don't get it, Lloyd. She told me ten o clock, sharp! Are you sure you went to the right bar?
    Lloyd: Yep. I'm pretty sure. Lobby bar right by the lobby. Maybe she just had a change of heart.
    Harry: Oh, that pisses me off! That pisses me right off! I hate when women do that. She wanted to see you again! And now no? Now... wait a minute! Wait! She must have meant ten o clock at night!
    Lloyd: Do you think...?
    Harry: Why would she meet you in a bar at ten in the morning?
    Lloyd: I just figured she was a raging alcoholic. (unknown)
  • Lloyd: Why you going to the airport, flying somewhere?
    Mary: How'd you guess?
    Lloyd: I saw your luggage, then when I noticed the airline ticket I put 2 and 2 together. (unknown)
  • Sea Bass' Friend: Kick his ass, Sea Bass! (unknown)
  • Lloyd: Hey, look, the Monkees. They were a huge influence on the Beatles. (unknown)
  • [man and woman walk by]
    Harry: Ooh, look at the buns on that one...
    Lloyd: Yeah, he must work out. (unknown)
  • Lloyd: You're it.
    Harry: You're it.
    Lloyd: You're it, quitsies!
    Harry: Anti-quitsies, you're it, quitsies, no anti-quitsies, no startsies!
    Lloyd: You can't do that!
    Harry: Can too!
    Lloyd: Cannot, stamp it!
    Harry: Can too, double stamp it, no erasies!
    Lloyd: Cannot, triple stamp, no erasies, Touch blue make it true.
    Harry: No, you can't do that... you can't triple stamp a double stamp, you can't triple stamp a double stamp! Lloyd!
    Lloyd: [hands over ears] LA LA LA LA LA LA!
    Harry: LLOYD! LLOYD! LLOYD! (unknown)
  • Mary: Okay, how do you guys know each other?
    Lloyd: We used to be best friends.
    Harry: Yeah, until he turned into a back-stabber.
    Lloyd: Me, a back-stabber? You've got a lot of nerve. You knew I was crazy about her!
    Harry: Yeah, and you knew I was crazy about Fraida Felcher, and that didn't stop you, did it?
    Lloyd: What do you mean?
    Harry: "What do you mean?" Don't deny it, Lloyd. Fraida told me the whole sleazy story, Mr. French Tickler! I guess we both learned a little something about each other today.
    Lloyd: You said it, pal. Maybe we're not as good of friends as we thought. I mean, if one beautiful girl can rip us apart, then maybe our friendship isn't worth a damn. Maybe we should call it quits right now.
    Harry: You just tell me where to sign, bud.
    Lloyd: Right on my ass after you kiss it!
    Harry: You kiss mine! Both cheeks, both lips, right here! (unknown)
  • Harry: According to the map we've only gone 4 inches. (unknown)
  • Mary: So you'll pick me up tonight at seven forty-five?
    Harry: Well I got a few things to take care of. So how about we make it quarter to eight?
    Mary: [Laughs] Stop it
    Harry: Okay. Seven forty-five (unknown)
  • Lloyd: I'm only human, Harry! Come on! Stop being a baby. So we backtracked a tad!
    Harry: A tad? A tad, Lloyd? You drove almost a sixth of the way across the country in the wrong direction! Now we don't have enough money to get to Aspen, we don't have enough money to get home, we don't have enough money to eat, we don't have enough money to sleep!
    Lloyd: Well, it's not gonna do us any good sitting here whining about it. We're in a hole. We're just going to have to dig ourselves out. (unknown)
  • State Trooper: Pullover!
    Harry: No, it's a cardigan but thanks for noticing.
    Lloyd: Yeah, killer boots man! (unknown)
  • Harry: I can't believe it.
    Lloyd: Life is a fragile thing, Har. One minute you're chewin' on a burger, the next minute you're dead meat.
    Harry: But he blamed me. You heard him. Those were his last words.
    Lloyd: Not if you count the gurgling sound. (unknown)
  • Lloyd: [sees framed newspaper article about moon landing] No Way! That's...
    [chuckles]
    Lloyd: WE'VE LANDED ON THE MOON! (unknown)
  • [while looking back at Mary]
    Lloyd: There's really nothing to worry about Mary. Statistically, they say you're more likely to get killed on the way to the airport. You know, like on a head on crash or flying off a cliff or getting trapped under a gas truck! That's the worst! I have this cousin, well y'know, I had this cousin...
    [Lloyd drives right through a red light, causing a fatal accident visible in the window]
    Mary: Uh, Lloyd, could you keep your eyes on the road please?
    Lloyd: Oh, yeah! Good thinking. You can't be too careful. There are a lot of bad drivers out there. (unknown)
  • Mental: Gas man. How the hell did they know that I got gas? (unknown)
  • Mrs. Neugeboren: Where have you been? My dogs were supposed to be here FORTY minutes ago! Now, I hardly have any time to primp them!
    Harry: Don't worry about a thing, Mrs. Noogieburger.
    Mrs. Neugeboren: NEUGEBOREN! (unknown)
  • Harry: What's her last name? I'll look it up.
    Lloyd: You know, I don't really recall. Starts with an S! Let's see. Swim? Swammi? Slippy? Slappy? Swenson? Swanson?
    Harry: Maybe it's on the briefcase.
    Lloyd: Oh, yeah! It's right here.
    [He reads the manufacturer's name, which is Samsonite]
    Lloyd: Samsonite! I was way off! I knew it started with an S, though. (unknown)
  • Dale's Man: They're driving an '84... Sheepdog. (unknown)
  • Lloyd: Wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world? (unknown)
  • Lloyd: [to motorcycle cop] Tic-Tac, sir? (unknown)
  • Beth: So I told myself. Beth you just got to run girl and oh you know what that clutz did next?
    Lloyd: No and I DON'T CARE! (unknown)
    • Movie: Dumb & Dumber [1994] | [2]
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