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Quotes of Movie: Dumb & Dumber [1994]

  • Gilbert: Yoo hoo! Yoo hoo! I've decided to compose "The Ballad of Bowen"! How do you prefer I should write this?
    Bowen: Far away! (unknown)
  • Lloyd: The first time I set eyes on Mary Swanson, I just got that old fashioned romantic feeling where I'd do anything to bone her.
    Harry: That's a special feeling, Lloyd. (unknown)
  • [after Lloyd trades the van in for a moped]
    Harry: Just when I thought you couldn't get any dumber, you go and do something like this... and totally redeem yourself! (unknown)
  • Harry: So you got fired again, eh?
    Lloyd: Oh yeah. They always freak out when you leave the scene of an accident, ya' know?
    Harry: Yeah, well, I lost my job too.
    Lloyd: Man, you are one pathetic loser. No offense.
    Harry: No, none taken. You know what really chaps my ass though? I spent my life savings turning my van into a dog. The alarm alone cost me two hundred.
    Lloyd: Hey, chicks love it. Its the shaggin' wagon. (unknown)
  • [to the dogs in his van]
    Harry: OK gang, you know the rules, no humping, no licking, no sniffing hineys. (unknown)
  • Harry: Check out the funbags on that hosehound.
    Lloyd: I'd like to eat her liver with some fava beans and a bottle of Chianti. (unknown)
  • Harry: I expected the Rocky Mountains to be a little rockier than this.
    Lloyd: I was thinking the same thing. That John Denver's full of shit, man. (unknown)
  • Lloyd: If I know Mary as well as I think I do, she'll invite us right in for tea and strumpets. (unknown)
  • Harry: Hi Lloyd!
    Lloyd: Hi Harry!
    Harry: How was your day?
    Lloyd: Not bad. Fell off a jet way again. (unknown)
  • Harry: I can't believe we drove around all day, and there's not a single job in this town. There is nothing, nada, zip!
    Lloyd: Yeah! Unless you wanna work forty hours a week. (unknown)
  • Harry: Skis, huh?
    Beth: That's right!
    Harry: Great! They yours?
    Beth: Uh-huh.
    Harry: Both of 'em?
    Beth: Yes.
    Harry: Ah... cool! (unknown)
  • Lloyd: We got no food, no jobs... our PET'S HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!" (unknown)
  • Harry: Yeah, well, I don't know. These places just don't do it for me.
    Lloyd: What's the matter, Har? Some little filly break your heart?
    Harry: No, it was a girl. (unknown)
  • Lloyd: Mary... I desperately wanna make love to a school boy. (unknown)
  • Lloyd: Excuse me, Flo?
    [Harry and Lloyd crack up]
    Lloyd: Flo, like the TV show. Uh, what is the Soup Du Jour?
    Flo, Waitress #1: It's the Soup of the Day.
    Lloyd: Mmmm. That sounds good. I'll have that. (unknown)
  • Lloyd: That's a lovely accent you have. New Jersey?
    Lady at bus stop: Austria.
    Lloyd: Austria! Well, then. G'day mate! Let's put another shrimp on the barbie!
    Lady at bus stop: Let's not. (unknown)
  • Lloyd: This isn't my real job, you know.
    Mary: No?
    Lloyd: Nope. My friend Harry and I are saving up money for a pet store.
    Mary: That's nice.
    Lloyd: I got worms!
    Mary: I beg your pardon?
    Lloyd: That's what we're gonna call it. I got worms! We're gonna specialize in selling worm farms. You know, like ant farms. (unknown)
  • Lloyd: Well suck me sideways! (unknown)
  • Harry: Yeah I called her up, she gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her, or something, I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention. (unknown)
  • Airport Clerk: Sir, you can't go in there!
    Lloyd: It's ok, I'm a limo driver! (unknown)
  • Harry: One time, we successfully mated a bulldog with a Shih-Tzu.
    Mary: Really? That's strange.
    Harry: Yeah, we called it a bullshit. (unknown)
  • Lloyd: What are the chances of a guy like you and a girl like me... ending up together?
    Mary: Well, that's pretty difficult to say.
    Lloyd: Hit me with it! I've come a long way to see you, Mary. The least you can do is level with me. What are my chances?
    Mary: Not good.
    Lloyd: You mean, not good like one out of a hundred?
    Mary: I'd say more like one out of a million.
    [pause]
    Lloyd: So you're telling me there's a chance. (unknown)
  • [while petting Petey, whose head has been taped back on by scotch tape]
    Blind Kid: Pretty bird. Can you say pretty bird? Pretty bird. (unknown)
  • Harry: Where did you get those?
    Lloyd: I bought them when we filled up.
    Harry: We are supposed to talk about all expenditures Lloyd; we are on a very tight budget.
    Lloyd: This didn't come out of our travel fund.
    Harry: Oh.
    Lloyd: Yeah, I was able to raise 25 extra bucks before we left.
    Harry: Where did you get 25 extra becks?
    Lloyd: I sold some stuff, to Billy in 4-C.
    Harry: The blind kid?
    Lloyd: Yeah, ha ha! Yeah.
    Harry: What did you sell him Lloyd?
    Lloyd: Stuff.
    Harry: What kinda stuff?
    Lloyd: I don't know, a few baseball cards, a sack of marbles, *cough* Petey.
    Harry: Petey? You sold my dead bird to a blind kid? Lloyd! Petey didn't even have a head!
    Lloyd: Harry, I took care of it...
    Blind Kid: Pretty bird, yeah, can you say pretty bird? Pretty bird, yeah pretty bird... Polly want a cracker? (unknown)
  • Lloyd: What the hell are we doing here, Harry? We gotta get out of this town!
    Harry: Oh yeah, and go where? Where are we gonna go?
    Lloyd: I'll tell you where. Someplace warm. A place where the beer flows like wine. Where beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano. I'm talking about a little place called Aspen.
    Harry: Oh, I don't know, Lloyd. The French are assholes. (unknown)
    • Movie: Dumb & Dumber [1994] | [2]
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