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Quotes of Movie: Caddyshack [1980]
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Judge Smails: [to Bishop Fred Pickering] Say, Fred, did you hear the one about the Jew, the Catholic, and the Colored Boy who went to heaven?
Bishop: Yeah, Judge, that's a doozy. (unknown)
Judge Smails: Do you know what I just saw? A gopher. Do you know what gophers can do to a golf course?
Groundskeeper Sandy: Aye, Sir. I think they're tunneling in from that construction site.
Judge Smails: Czervik, huh. Well, I slap an injunction on them so fast it'll make their head spin. (unknown)
Ty Webb: You're not, you're not good, Al. You stink. (unknown)
Spalding Smails: I want a hamburger... no, a cheeseburger. I want a hot dog. I want a milkshake...
Judge Smails: You'll get nothing, and like it. (unknown)
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Carl Spackler: Bark like a dog. (unknown)
Bishop: I really enjoy working with young people such as yourself down at our new Youtheran Center... Why don't you drop by sometime, eh?
Danny Noonan: I've often thought of entering the Priesthood.
Bishop: Oh, are you a Roman Catholic?
[Danny nods]
Bishop: Oh, then I'm sorry, but I'm afraid you can't come. (unknown)
Mrs. Smails: Bless this ship, and all who sail on her. I christen thee The Flying WASP. (unknown)
Groundskeeper Sandy: Carl. Damn your eyes. I told you, today is the day we change the holes. Now, do it, and no more slacking off.
Carl Spackler: I'll slack you off, you fuzzy little foreigner. (unknown)
Danny Noonan: I've always wanted to go to college.
Judge Smails: Well, the world needs ditch diggers, too.
Lacey Underall: [to Danny] Nice try. (unknown)
Al Czervik: [tees off] Four!
[his ball hits Judge Smails in the crotch]
Al Czervik: I should have yelled, "Two!" (unknown)
Charlie the Cook: [after hearing how Al described his cooking] *Dogfood*? (unknown)
Judge Smails: Do you stand for *goodness*, or - for *badness*? (unknown)
Ty Webb: What brings you to this nape of the woods, neck of the wape; How come you're here? (unknown)
Lacey Underall: My uncle says you've got a screw loose.
Ty Webb: Your uncle molests collies. (unknown)
[Tony gives his ticket to Danny who has taken over for Lou]
Danny Noonan: I can't pay you. Lou has to.
Tony D'Annunzio: Where is he?
Danny Noonan: He's out.
Tony D'Annunzio: I can see that he's out, numbnuts.
[Gives Danny a dollar]
Tony D'Annunzio: Give me a coke.
Danny Noonan: One coke.
[gives Tony a bottle of Coke and 50 cents]
Tony D'Annunzio: Hey wait a minute. That's only 50 cents.
Danny Noonan: Yeah well Lou raised the price of coke he's been losing at the track.
Tony D'Annunzio: Well I ain't paying no 50 cents for no coke.
Danny Noonan: Oh then you ain't getting no coke. Know what I'm talking about? (unknown)
Lou Loomis: What's the sign say?
Angie D'Annunzio: No bare feet.
Lou Loomis: [picks him up by the shirt collar] What's that sign say?
Angie D'Annunzio: No fighting.
Lou Loomis: What's that mean?
Angie D'Annunzio: No fighting.
Lou Loomis: You owe me one gumball machine. What's that candy wrapper doing there? Well don't you see it? Well pick it up. (unknown)
Lou Loomis: I'm going to put it right on the line. There's been a lot of complaints already. Fooling around on the course, bad language, smoking grass, poor caddying. If you guys want to get fired. If you want to be replaced by golf carts, just keep it up. (unknown)
Spalding Smails: Turds.
Judge Smails: Spaulding, how many times have I spoken to you about your language?
Spalding Smails: Sorry grandpa I forgot.
Judge Smails: Oh Dr. Beeper, Bishop Pickering this is my niece Lacey Underall. Lacey's mother sent her to us for the summer.
Dr. Beeper: Must be a nice change from dreary old Manhattan.
Lacey Underall: Yes I was really getting tired of having fun all the time.
Judge Smails: Ah. Ho ho. Ha ha ha.
Spalding Smails: Double turds.
Judge Smails: *Spaulding*! (unknown)
Judge Smails: Spaulding, get dressed you're playing golf.
Spalding Smails: No I'm not grandpa I'm playing tennis.
Judge Smails: You're playing golf and you're going to like it.
Spalding Smails: What about my asthma?
Judge Smails: I'll give you asthma. (unknown)
Ty Webb: I'm going to give you a little advice. There's a force in the universe that makes things happen. And all you have to do is get in touch with it, stop thinking, let things happen, and be the ball. (unknown)
Lacey Underall: You're crazy!
Ty Webb: That's what they said about Son of Sam. (unknown)
Carl Spackler: I smell varmint poontang. And the only good varmint poontang is dead varmint poontang, I think. (unknown)
Tony D'Annunzio: Another Rob Roy, Bishop?
Bishop: You never ask a navy man if he'll have another drink, because it's nobody's goddamned business how much he's had already.
Judge Smails: Wrong, you're drinking too much your Excellency.
Bishop: Excellency, fiddlesticks, my name's Fred and I'm a man, same as you.
Judge Smails: You're not a man, you're a bishop, for God's sakes.
Bishop: There is no God... (unknown)
Judge Smails: Danny, I'm having a party this weekend.
[pauses a beat]
Judge Smails: How would you like to come over and mow my lawn? (unknown)
Carl Spackler: Wait up, girls; I got a salami I gotta hide still. (unknown)
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Movie: Caddyshack [1980] | [2] | [3]
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