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Quotes of Movie: A Christmas Story [1983]
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Mom: [Playing Santa] And this is for daddy...
[Picks up a gift-wrapped bowling ball and drops it in The Old Man's Lap]
Mom: Here, from me to you.
The Old Man: [high-pitched] Thanks a lot! (unknown)
Miss Shields: Where's Flick? Has anyone seen Flick?
Ralphie as an Adult: [narrating as Ralphie feigns ignorance] Flick? Flick who? (unknown)
Mr. Parker: [Reading Telegram and doing a little jig] Tonight! Tonight! It's coming Tonight! Tonight! Tonight! Tonight! Hot Damn, Tonight! (unknown)
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] My father worked in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay. It was his true medium, a master. (unknown)
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Mrs. Parker: Oh, Randy, don't play with your food. Eat it!
Randy: Aw, gee.
Mrs. Parker: Starving people would be happy to have that. (unknown)
[Admiring his "major award"]
Mr. Parker: It's... it's... it's indescribably beautiful! It reminds me of the Fourth of July! (unknown)
Mr. Parker: Dadgummit! Blow out!
[on the highway, the car has gotten a flat tire]
Mr. Parker: Ah ha!
[excitedly gets out of the car]
Mother: Not again.
Mr. Parker: Four minutes. Time me.
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] Actually the Old Man loved it. He had always pictured himself in the pits of the Indianapolis Speedway in the 500. My old man's spare tires were only actually tires in the academic sense. They were round and had once been made of rubber. (unknown)
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating, after Mother breaks the Old Man's Major Award, and he is unsuccessful at repairing it] With as much dignity as he could muster, the Old Man gathered up the sad remains of his shattered Major Award. Later that night, alone in the backyard, he buried it next to the garage. Now I could never be sure, but I thought that I heard the sound of "Taps" being played. Gently. (unknown)
Mr. Parker: [after Mother "accidentally" breaks the Old Man's leg lamp] Why did you touch that? You were always jealous of this lamp.
Mother: Jealous of a plastic...
Mr. Parker: Jealous! Jealous because I WON.
Mother: That's ridiculous. Jealous. Jealous of WHAT? That is... The ugliest lamp I have ever seen in my entire LIFE!
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] Now it was out. (unknown)
Mother: This isn't one of those trees where all the needles falls off, is it?
Tree Man: No, that's them balsams. (unknown)
Mr. Parker: [to Mother] You know, Zudock just bought of those brand new green, plastic trees.
Tree Man: Oh no!
Mr. Parker: Darn thing looked like it was made of green pipe cleaners. Hee hee hee hee.
Mother: It's a very nice tree.
Tree Man: [Quickly] I'll thrown in some rope and tie it to your car for you.
Mr. Parker: You got a deal.
Tree Man: Deal. (unknown)
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] The heavenly aroma still hung in the house. But it was gone, all gone! No turkey! No turkey sandwiches! No turkey salad! No turkey gravy! Turkey Hash! Turkey a la King! Or gallons of turkey soup! Gone, ALL GONE! (unknown)
Ralphie: Hey Dad! I'll bet you'll never guess what I got you for Christmas.
The Old Man: A new furnace.
Ralphie: Ha ha! Good one, Dad!
[Randy laughs] (unknown)
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] Oh, life is like that. Sometimes, at the height of our revelries, when our joy is at it's zenith, when all is most right with the world, the most unthinkable disasters decend upon us. (unknown)
Mr. Parker: [unveiling his major award] Would you look at that? Would you look at THAT?
Mother: What is it?
Mr. Parker: It's a leg!
Mother: But what is it?
Mr. Parker: Well, it's... A leg, you know, like a statue.
Mother: Statue?
Mr. Parker: Yeah, statue.
Ralphie: Yeah, statue.
Mother: Ralphie!
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] My mother was trying to insinuate herself between us and the statue. (unknown)
Mr. Parker: Holy smokes. Do... Do you know what this is? This is... A lamp!
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] It was indeed a lamp.
Mr. Parker: Isn't that great? What a great lamp.
Mother: I don't know...
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] The old man's eyes boggled...
Mr. Parker: Oh WOW!
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] ... Overcome by art. (unknown)
Miss Shields: [reading Ralphie's theme in his fantasy, she clutches his essay to her chest] Oh! The theme I've been waiting for all my life. Listen to this sentence: "A Red Ryder BB gun with a compass in the stock, and this thing which tells time". Poetry. Sheer poetry, Ralph! An A+! (unknown)
Mr. Parker: Get in the car. Get in the car.
[Mother runs back inside]
Mr. Parker: If we don't hurry, we're gonna miss all the good trees!
Mr. Parker: [to the kids] Go on, go on.
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating, as Mother switches off the leg lamp] My mother was about to make another brilliant maneuver in the legendary battle of the lamp. The epic struggle which follows lives in the folklore of Cleveland Street to this very day.
Mother: Don't want to waste electricity.
Mr. Parker: [mockingly] "Don't want to waste electricity." (unknown)
[last lines]
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] Next to me in the blackness lay my oiled blue steel beauty. The greatest Christmas gift I had ever received, or would ever receive. Gradually, I drifted off to sleep, pringing ducks on the wing and getting off spectacular hip shots. (unknown)
Mother: Is this another one of your silly puzzles?
Mr. Parker: Yeah, another one of my silly puzzles. This one could be worth FIFTY THOUSAND BUCKS.
Mother: What is it this time?
Mr. Parker: Name the great characters in American literature.
Mr. Parker: Victor? The Lone Ranger's nephew's horse? (unknown)
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] Every kid, at the back of his mind, vaguely but insistently, believes that he will be struck blind before his 21st birthday. And then they'll be sorry. (unknown)
Ralphie: [in his fantasy, Ralphie explains the cause of his blindness] It... It 'twas... soap poisoning! (unknown)
Ralphie as Adult: C+? Oh no!
Ralphie: C+?
Wicked Witch: C+! ha ha ha ha ha ha! C+! (unknown)
Narrator: Was there no end to the conspiracy of irrational prejudice against Red Ryder and his peacemaker? (unknown)
Ralphie as Adult: [Regarding the note on his report] Oh, no! "You'll shoot your eye out!"?
Ralphie: Oh, no!
Ralphie as Adult: My mother must have gotten to Miss Shields! There could be no other explanation!
[Ralphie imagines his mother as a jester and Miss Shields as the Wicked Witch]
Mother, Miss Shields: [Chanting] You'll shoot your eye out! You'll shoot you eye out!
Ralphie as Adult: Was there no end to this conspiracy of irrational prejudice against Red Ryder and his Peacemaker? (unknown)
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Movie: A Christmas Story [1983] | [2] | [3]
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