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Quotes of Movie: A Christmas Story [1983]
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Miss Shields: Now I know that some of you put Flick up to this, but he has refused to say who. But those who did it know their blame, and I'm sure that the guilt you must feel would be far worse than any punishment you might receive. Now, don't you feel terrible? Don't you feel remorse for what you have done? Well, that's all I'm going to say about poor Flick.
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] Adults loved to say things like that but kids knew better. We knew darn well it was always better not to get caught. (unknown)
[overdressed for winter]
Randy: I can't put my arms down!
Mother: Well... put your arms down when you get to school. (unknown)
Goggles: I like The Wizard of Oz. I like the Tin Man. (unknown)
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] Grover Dill! Scut Farkus' little toadie. Mean! Rotten! His lips curled over his green teeth. (unknown)
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[Describing a "reaction" to an encounter with the bullies]
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] Randy lay there like a slug! It was his only defense! (unknown)
Ralphie: Scut Farkus!
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] Scut Farkus! What a rotten name! There he stood, between us and the alley. Scut Farkus staring out at us with his yellow eyes. He had yellow eyes! So, help me, God! Yellow eyes! (unknown)
The Old Man: [shouting] Don't anybody move! Hold it right there! The fuse is out. (unknown)
[in a Chinese restaurant]
Waiter #1, Waiter #2, Waiter #3: [singing] Deck the halls with boughs of horry, ra ra ra ra ra, ra ra ra ra.
Chop Suey Palace Owner: No, no, not 'ra ra ra ra', 'la la la la'! Try again.
Waiter #1, Waiter #2, Waiter #3: Deck the halls with boughs of horry, ra ra ra ra ra, ra ra ra ra.
Chop Suey Palace Owner: No, no! Sing something else.
Waiter #1, Waiter #2, Waiter #3: Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. Oh what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sreigh! (unknown)
Flick: Are you kidding? Stick my tongue to that stupid pole? That's dumb!
Schwartz: That's 'cause you know it'll stick!
Flick: You're full of it!
Schwartz: Oh yeah?
Flick: Yeah!
Schwartz: Well I double-DOG-dare ya!
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] NOW it was serious. A double-dog-dare. What else was there but a "triple dare ya"? And then, the coup de grace of all dares, the sinister triple-dog-dare.
Schwartz: I TRIPLE-dog-dare ya!
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] Schwartz created a slight breach of etiquette by skipping the triple dare and going right for the throat! (unknown)
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] The line waiting to see Santa Claus stretched all the way back to Terre Haute. And I was at the end of it. (unknown)
Mr. Parker: You mundane noodle! (unknown)
Schwartz: Hey, smart ass. I asked my old man about sticking your tongue to a flagpole in the winter, and he says that it'll freeze right to the pole, just like I told ya.
Flick: Ah, baloney. What would your old man know about anything like that?
Schwartz: He knows, because he once saw a guy stick his tongue to a railroad track on a bet, and the fire department had to come get the guy's tongue off the track, because he couldn't get it off. (Randy is trying to catch up).
Randy: C'mon, guys! Wait up! C'mon, guys! Wait up! (unknown)
[marveling at a Christmas gift he just opened]
Mr. Parker: A can of Simoniz! (unknown)
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] My kid brother looked like a tick about to pop! (unknown)
Mother: Randy? What's wrong? Whatcha cryin' for?
Randy: Daddy's gonna kill Ralphie!
Mother: No he's not...
Randy: Yes he is!
Mother: No, I promise, Daddy is not going to kill Ralphie! (unknown)
Randy: Meatloaf, smeatloaf, double-beatloaf. I hate meatloaf.
The Old Man: All right, I'll get that kid to eat. Where's my screw driver and my plumber's helper? I'll open up his mouth and I'll shove it in. (unknown)
Santa Claus: If Higbee thinks I'm working one minute past 9:00, he can kiss my foot. Ho ho ho. (unknown)
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] The old man stood there, quivering with fury, stammering as he tried to come up with a real crusher. All he got out was...
The Old Man: Naddafinga! (unknown)
Goggles: I like Santa.
Ralphie: Yeah.
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] Let's face it, most of us are scoffers. But moments before zero hour, it did not pay to take chances. (unknown)
Mr. Parker: So what else happened today?
Mother: Oh, nothing much. Ralphie had a fight?
Mr. Parker: A fight? What kind of a fight?
[Looks at Ralphie]
Mother: Oh, you know how boys are. I gave him a talking to...
[Looks at the news paper]
Mother: Uh I see that the Bears are playing Green Bay on Sunday.
Mr. Parker: What? Oh yeah! Zudock's got tickets I wish I had. Aw well, let him freeze his keister off out there. (unknown)
Man in Line for Santa: Young man. Hey, kid! Just where do you think you're going?
Ralphie: Going up to see Santa.
Man in Line for Santa: [scoffs] The line ENDS here. It begins THERE.
[Points to the very end of a very long line] (unknown)
Ralphie: Mom, this is just the same dumb old parade as last year.
Mother: Ralphie, will you please calm down?
Ralphie: Mom!
Mother: Hush!
Mr. Parker: SHUT UP, Ralphie! (unknown)
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] I left Flick to certain annihilation. But BB gun mania knows no loyalty. (unknown)
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] Strange. Even something as momentous as the Scut Farkus affair, which it came to be known, was pushed out of my mind as I struggled to come up with a way out of the impenetrable BB gun web, in which my mother had me trapped.
Ralphie: Santa. Yeah, I'll ask Santa.
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] Of course. Santa. The big man. The head honcho. The connection. Ha, my mother had slipped up this time. (unknown)
Santa Claus: Come on up on Santa's lap, here's a wet one. And what's your name little boy? And what do you want for Christmas, Billy? A toy truck? Get him off my lap and get my a towel.
[Billy is pushed down the slide]
Santa Claus: Oh I hate the smell of tapioca. (unknown)
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Movie: A Christmas Story [1983] | [2] | [3]
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