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Quotes of Movie: Beavis and Butt-Head Do America [1996]
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Chief! Ya know that guy whose camper they were whackin' off in? Agent Fleming: Bork, you're a federal agent! You represent the United States Government! Never end a sentence with a preposition. Agent Bork: Oh, uh... Ya know that guy in whose camper they... I... I mean, that guy off in whose camper they were whacking? Beavis and Butt-head, on behalf of your fellow Americans I extend my deepest thanks. You exemplify a fine new crop of young Americans who will grow into the leaders of this great country. Butt-head: Huh huh huh, he said extend! Beavis: Oh, yeah! Hey, one of you bastards got a match? Butt-head: Uh, yeah. My butt and your, uh, butt. Uh huh huh. Agent Fleming: Agent Hurley, I want you to give this scumbag a cavity search! I'm talking Roto-Rooter! Don't stop until you reach the back of his teeth! | |
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Now, can anybody tell me how much energy it takes to power Las Vegas? Beavis: Yeah, I just have a question. Is this a God damn? Dallas Grimmes: 10 grand? [scoffs] Dallas Grimmes: That cheap-ass! All right I've got a better deal for you - I'll double it. I'll pay you 20 if you go back and do him. Butt-head: You want us to do a guy? No way! Beavis: I don't know, Butt-head. That *is* a lot of money! Maybe we can close our eyes and pretend he's a pretty good chick. Beavis: Are you threatening ME? [leading Beavis and Butt-head into their room] I'm sorry, gentlemen, we didn't realize you were registered guests. Beavis: [sees TV and remote attached to table] Check it out, Butt-head! TV! [tries to lift remote] Beavis: What the- it's stuck! Concierge: Sir, it's... Butt-head: Cut it out, Beavis, let me try. [stands on table and tries to grab remote] Concierge: Sirs... Beavis: [stops] Hey, check it out, that guy's still standing there! [Concierge holds out hand, expecting tip] Butt-head: Uhh... could you, like, not stand there and stuff? Butt-head: [as soon as concierge leaves] Some people are dumb. Boy, I never seen so much whackin'. I am the great Cornholio. I need T.P. for my bunghole. I'm sorry, son. I got this ringin' in my ears. My doctor says it could be related to my heart palpitations. Beavis: Really? I poop too much. Little Old Lady: Oh. Maybe you're... lactose-intolerant. Beavis: No, no. I POOP TOO MUCH! Then I get tired. Why does everybody want to see my schlong? Hello there. Are you two heading for Las Vegas? Beavis: Yeah. We're gonna score! Little Old Lady: Oh, I hope to score big there myself. I'm mostly gonna be doing the slots. Beavis: Yeah uhe... I'm hoping to do some sluts too! Do they have lots of sluts in Las Vegas? Little Old Lady: They have so many slots you won't know where to begin. Beavis: WOAH! Hey Butt-Head, this chick is pretty cool. She says there's gonna be tons of sluts in Las Vegas. Butt-head: Cool! Little Old Lady: It's so nice to meet young men who are so well-mannered. Beavis: Yeah! hehuhe I'm gonna have money and a big screen TV and there's gonna be SLUTS everywhere! It's gonna rule! Little Old Lady: Aww, that's nice. [Beavis and Butthead roll the TV out of the school, it falls down the stairs and breaks] That was cool. Huh huh huh. Beavis: No it wasn't! Butt-head: Uh... oh yeah. Butt-head: Did I just score? Dammit! This always happens! I think I'm gonna score, and then I never score! It's not fair! We traveled um, a mil-... a hundred miles, just because we thought we were gonna score! But now it's not gonna happen! Dammit! Bus Driver: Hey, buddy! Sit down! Beavis: Shut up, ass-wipe! I'm sick and tired of this! We're never gonna score! We're probably gonna get old like these people, but they've probably scored! Bus Driver: Hey! I'm warning you! Sit down! Beavis: [motioning to Martha] It's like this chick's a slut... and look at this guy! He's old, but he's probably scored a million times...! Old Guy: [nodding] Oh, yeah. Beavis: But not us! We're never gonna score! We're never gonna score! We're never gonna score! You know this could be a real positive experience for you guys. There's a whole world of possibilities to discover when we realize we don't need TV to entertain us. Butt-head: Huh huh, he said anus. Beavis: Entertain-us, anus. David VanDriessen: Did you guys hear a word I said? Butt-head: Yeah, 'anus'. Beavis: [chuckling] He he, y-yeah I heard it too. David VanDriessen: Look just take that TV back to the AV room right now and try to be a little more open to life's experiences, m'kay? Butt-head: What a dork. This is gonna be cool. We're getting paid to score. Beavis: Yeah yeah, hnh hnh, then we're gonna get a big-screen TV, with *two* remotes! Hnh hnh. Butt-head: Beavis, this is the greatest day of our lives. Butt-head: This is the coolest thing I have ever seen. Butt-head: Hey, baby! I noticed you have braces. I have braces too! You got any last words before I kill ya? Butt-head: I got a couple - buttcheeks. Beavis: Yeah - and boobs. I just wanna say that again... Boobs. Muddy Grimmes: I'm gonna blow ya both to hell,that's what I'm goin' to do! Butt-head: Cool. This sucks. It's all hot and stuff. Butt-head: This desert is stupid. They should put a drinking fountain out here. Beavis: Yeah, yeah. Or like a 7-11, or something. [talking about scoring] Butt-head: I probably will. Not you. You're too much of a butt monkey. Beavis: Shut up, dil-hole. Butt-head: Butt dumpling. Beavis: Turd burglar. Butt-head: Uh... Ass goblin. Beavis: Shut up, Butt-Head. Hey, doesn't Tom Anderson live on this street? Butt-head: Uh... Yeah. Beavis: 'Cuz... Uh... I need to stop by his toolshed for a couple minutes. [laughs] Beavis: You know I'm sayin'? Butt-head: Huh huh... tool. Hey, Butt-head, do you think we'll ever score? Butt-head: Uh, I probably will, but not you. You're too much of a butt-monkey. Beavis: Shut up, dill-hole. Butt-head: Butt dumpling Beavis: Turd burglar. Butt-head: Uhhhh, ass goblin. Beavis: Shut up, Butt-head. Well I'll be a monkey's bare-assed uncle! | |
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