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Quotes of Movie: Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker [2000]
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Ah, brave new world, that has such putzes in it. You know, kids, a lot has changed since your old Uncle Joker's been away. New Gotham, new rules, even a new Batman. But now I'm tanned, I'm rested and I'm ready to give this old town a wedgie again! Ah, the new boy. Ears are too long and I miss the cape. But not too shabby. Not too shabby at all. What can you tell me about clowns? Barbara Gordon: In this town, they're never funny. | |
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How could you help Joker do it, Harley? Harley Quinn: Okay, so he roughed the kid up a little. But I'll make it right. Batgirl: Yeah, you're Mother of the Stinkin' Year! [Batman puts the Joker in an arm lock] What are you doing? Terry McGinnis: Fighting dirty. The Joker: The real Batman would never - [as Batman tightens his arm lock] The Joker: Ooh! Terry McGinnis: Told you you didn't know me. [releases him] The Joker: Funny guy... Terry McGinnis: Can't say the same for you. The Joker: Impudent brat... who do you think you're talking to? Terry McGinnis: Not a comedian, I'll tell you that. The Joker: [draws a laser pistol] Shut your mouth! [fires at Batman] Terry McGinnis: [retreats into the rafters] The real Batman never talked to you much, did he? That's probably why you were so fixated on him. [tossing a bat-arang, knocking the gun out of Joker's hand] Terry McGinnis: Don't play psychoanalyst with me, boy! The Joker: Oh, I don't need a degree to figure you out. [hits the lights with a bat-arang, turning them off] Terry McGinnis: The real reason you kept coming back was you never got a laugh out of the old man. The Joker: I'm not hearing this... Terry McGinnis: Get a clue, clowny! He's got no sense of humor! He wouldn't know a good joke if it bit him in the cape... not that you ever had a good joke. The Joker: Shut up... shut up! Terry McGinnis: I mean, joy-buzzers, squirting flowers, lame! Where's the "A" material? Make a face, drop your pants, something! The Joker: Show yourself! Terry McGinnis: You make me laugh. But only 'cause I think you're kinda pathetic. [mimics the Joker laugh] The Joker: Stop that! Terry McGinnis: [still laughing] So you fell in a tank of acid, got your skin bleached and decided to become a supervillain. What? You couldn't get a job as a rodeo clown? [continues laughing] The Joker: [pulling out some grenades] Don't you dare laugh at me!... Terry McGinnis: [laughs more] Why? I thought the Joker always wanted to make Batman laugh! The Joker: YOU'RE NOT BATMAN! [Throws the grenades, knocking Terry out of the rafters and onto the ground] Things are going to start popping. [pulls off Terry's mask and begins choking him] HA HA HA! Come on McGinnis! Laugh it up now! You miserable little punk! LAUGH! [Puts his face close to his] The Joker: I CAN'T HEAR YOU! Terry McGinnis: Ha... ha... [reaches his hand, holding one of The Joker's electric hand buzzers, to the back of his neck and electrocutes him] The Joker: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA... [you briefly see a close up of the DNA microchip in his neck flying apart] [to Batman] You're welcome to try and stop us, but, heh-heh, I'm not taking bets on *that* happening anytime soon... Toodles! Lets go! Dee Dee, open the door! Dee Dee: On the double! Bruce Wayne: I'll break you in two... The Joker: Oh, Batman, if you'd had the guts for that kind of fun, you'd have done it years ago! I, on the other hand... [draws a switchblade, slashes Batman across the chest and stabs him in the leg. Batman falls down the pile of building blocks and hits the ground hard. Joker jumps down beside him] The Joker: You've lost, Batman. Robin is mine. The last sound you'll hear will be our laughter. [picks up the gun and tosses it to Robin] The Joker: Here you go, sonny-boy! Make daddy proud! Deliver the punch line. [Robin laughs. He pulls the trigger and the BANG flag pops out] Bruce Wayne: Tim... [Robin only continues to laugh] The Joker: Do it! [Robin turns and shoots the Joker, impaling him with the flag] The Joker: That's not funny... that's not... [dies] Aren't you the nasty tattle-tale! Ratting me out before I've had my fun... Pappa spank! What's the matter, Batman? No witty comeback? No threat? Then I'll provide the narration... [the screen flickers to life and "Our Home Movies" appears] The Joker: I'll begin with how I peeled back the layers of the boy's mind. Oh, he bravely tried to fight it at first. You would've been proud to see him so strong. [on the screen, the home video of Joker electrocuting Robin appears] The Joker: But all too soon, the shocks and the serums took their toll, and the boy began to share such secrets with me. Secrets that are mine alone to know... Bruce. It's true, Batsy! I know everything. And kinda like the kid who peeks at his Christmas presents, I must admit, it's sadly anti-climactic. Behind all the sturm and bat-o-rangs, you're just a little boy in a playsuit, crying for mommy and daddy! It'd be funny if it weren't so pathetic. [pause] The Joker: Oh, what the heck, I'll laugh anyway. HA HA HA HA HA HAA! Sweetie, go get mommy's bazooka. [to Batman] If you don't like the movie, I've got slides. Terry McGinnis/Batman: Let's dance, Bozo. You're out of your league, McGinnis. I know every trick the original Batman and Robin knew at their peaks. Terry McGinnis/Batman: Maybe, but you don't know a thing about me. The Joker: You? What's to know? You're a punk, a rank amateur, a costumed errand boy taking orders from a senile old man. [rolls up his sleeves] The Joker: Still, if it's a whuppin' you're a-wantin'... [Batman runs towards the factory door] The Joker: That's right. Better to run and save yourself. It's about your speed. Terry McGinnis/Batman: [Batman pushes the lever upwards to close the door and then breaks off the lever and turns to face The Joker] Let's dance, Bozo. Adios, Brucie. I guess I should salute you as a worthy adversary and all that, but the truth is I really did hate your guts. [Blows raspberries at Bruce] You! Where's Amy? Dee Dee: Missed the boat, I'm afraid! [Price looks out the window and sees Amy tied to a pole] Jordan Price: Turn the yacht around! Chucko: Detox, bossman. We're here to talk business. Ghoul: We'll be quick. Woof gets seasick easy. [Woof walks in front of Ghoul looking nauseous] Jordan Price: Our business is concluded. [Batman flies to the window of the yacht and puts his finger on the window to listen in] Jordan Price: I gave you the security codes so you could ransack the lab while those bunglers tried to kill Wayne. Chucko: Word is Wayne's terminal anyhow. Dee Dee: That means you get to stay top dog. Dee Dee: And everyone's happy. Jordan Price: So why are you here? Chucko: The big guy who put us all in contact has decided you're a loose end. Ghoul: And loose ends should be tied up. Ghoul: [Jordan Price, seeing that they want to kill him, heads for the door, Woof gets in the way and sends Jordan Pryce to the opposite wall with a jump kick. Ghoul then handcuffs him to a table] [Through an intercom] Ghoul: Got him! The Joker: Then amscray pronto, kiddies. [Pushes a button on a control panel and you see a 30 second timer show on the panel] The Joker: Things are going to start popping. Chucko: Let's go! Batman: [Batman breaks in through a window] No one's leaving until I get answers. Chucko: [Ghoul breaks open another window with his pumpkin. Woof growls and prepares to attack, but Chucko stops him by giving him a light tug on the ear] No, you idiot, not now! [They all jump out the window with Batman peering out and sees them leaving on hover cars, he is about to chase them when he sees a blue light appear from above. He runs back into the room] Jordan Price: They're getting away! [Batman breaks the handcuffs] Batman: Yeah. And I think they've got a good reason. They're getting away! Batman: Yeah, and I think they've got a good reason! He's tough. Any suggestions, boss? Bruce Wayne: Joker's vain and likes to talk, he'll try to distract you, but don't listen. Block it out and power on through. Batman: Wait... I like to talk, too. Batman: Were all of you that bitter when you left? Barbara Gordon: Comes with the territory, McGinnis. Look up Nightwing someday, has he got stories. Timothy Drake: [not looking up] You might as well show yourself, I heard you coming a mile away. [Batman de-cloaks] Timothy Drake: I'm no Boy Wonder anymore, but that old training never goes away, even at my age. Me and the others gave everything, but it just wasn't enough for the old man. I used to think, if I went on long enough, someday he'd retire and I'd... ah, the heck with it. Capes, costumes, bad guys - it was kid's stuff! Bruce probably did me a favor. By the end, I was so sick of it I never wanted to see that stupid Robin suit again...! [He turns around, Batman is gone] Timothy Drake: Some things never change. The Joker: Well, what's it gonna be, Bat-fake? | |
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