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Buttermaker: You guys swing like Hellen Keller at a piņata party. (unknown)
Buttermaker: Baseball's hard. You can love it but, believe me, it don't always love you back. It's kinda like dating a German chick. (unknown)
Buttermaker: [watching girls play softball] You know, in my life I thought I'd never say, "Look at the ass on that second baseman." But look at the ass on that second baseman. (unknown)
Buttermaker: If you get hurt, they can sue my ass so hard, they'll start garnishing my turds. (unknown)
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Tanner Boyle: [while a man is giving a speech about the morals of baseball] What a fag! (unknown)
Buttermaker: [reading names off roster] Daragebrigadian? Is that Aztec?
Garo Daragebrigadian: No, Armenian. (unknown)
Buttermaker: Okay, Engelberg, this is a screwball. It's an old school thing. You gotta stand in there because it looks like it's gonna hit you, but it drops off the table. (unknown)
Buttermaker: It's 3 o'clock I gotta go.
Lady With Rat Problem: What about the rats?
Buttermaker: Well, one thing is for damn sure, you got a shit load of rats down there. (unknown)
Mike Engelberg: [Buttermaker falls down drunk] Is he dead?
Prem Lahiri: No, he is drunk.
Tanner Boyle: Screw this man, I'm takin' his wallet. (unknown)
Timothy Lupus: Sometimes bird poo tastes like candy. (unknown)
Buttermaker: Hey, Hooper what are you doing with that patch on your eye? Playing Pirate? Come to swab the deck, matey?
Matthew Hooper: Mother says I have cancer of the eye. (unknown)
Tanner Boyle: Great. First we have to play ball with a girl? What next? A cripple?
Matthew Hooper: Hey!
Tanner Boyle: Oops, I forgot! (unknown)
Buttermaker: Hey, Hooper, you wanna put that thing in fourth gear and get over here already? (unknown)
Buttermaker: This ain't no democracy, it's a dictatorship, and I'm Hitler! (unknown)
Joey Bullock: Hey Bears, thanks for batting practice!
Jimmy: You guys suck.
Tanner Boyle: I'll show you batting practice! (unknown)
Buttermaker: Is that a baggy full of bacon?
Mike Engelberg: I'm on Atkins! (unknown)
Timothy Lupus: I heard he puts money under your bed at night when you lose a tooth.
Tanner Boyle: That's the tooth fairy, you homo! (unknown)
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